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Clips from The Change-Up

"I'm not a fucking quitter!"
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"All right, let's do this."
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"Good morning, Patty-cakes."
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"Daddy needs a box set of Law & Order,"
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"three meatball subs and a hand-folded,"
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"24-inch samurai sword, chop-chop."
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"What are you doing?"
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"I got this one. I got it."
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"Back to bed."
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"You are in dire financial need!"
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"Objection!"
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"Sustained."
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"Excuse me."
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"Hi."
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"Fuck me, she's cute."
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"Here comes the battement."
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"Fucking nice, Cara!"
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"Sweet!"
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"That bitch bounced. Beautiful!"
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"Man alive! That's my daughter, bitches!"
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"Dad's very proud. Keep going."
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"Oh, I mean, what did we learn from this?"
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"Always solve my problems with violence."
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"That's bingo, baby! Five, up high."
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"No! Yes!"
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"No, that is not the lesson that we learned, Cara."
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"It is!"
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"Violence is cool."
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"Dave. Kidding."
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"I'm not kidding."
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"She did make a pretty funny sound, though,"
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"when she hit the ground like that. Yes, she did!"
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"But don't make a habit out of that, okay?"
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"I know. All right."
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"I love you, Daddy."
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"I love you, little girl."
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"Hey."
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"That ass looks real hot, you know."
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"You like my ass?"
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"Yeah. Tight as a drum."
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"Wouldn't mind putting my drumstick in it."
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"Ooh! Really? Ha. Keep going."
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"I like how big and fat those tits have gotten."
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"This little calf wants to get her mouth on the udders."
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"And I think that I want you to fuck me like you just got out of jail."
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"Roger that."
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"And you don't even have to go down on me because I know it's late."
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"Appreciate it. All right, turn around."
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"Oh! What are you doing? Here we go."
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"What do you mean? I thought you said you wanted to have some sex."
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"Yeah, but not like two dudes at a rest stop, okay?"
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"Okay, I got it. Want to go grab me three Q-tips?"
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"How about we just do what we always do?"
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"What, do you mean with a lot of eye-Contact and real personal?"
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"Uh-huh. Come here. I love you."
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"Yeah. Oh, don't say that."
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"Let's not... How about no talking, okay?"
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"We can do some silent sex. Seriously."
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"Kiss me. No, no, no. No talking."
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"All right, let me kiss a shoulder first. Okay? Okay."
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"There you go. Where's that hand going?"
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"Hello! Did you shave your balls?"
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"Who doesn't love a couple of smooth criminals?"
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"Is that why there was all that pubic hair in the drain?"
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"I would bet, yeah. Why are you still soft?"
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"I don't know. Can we try the no-talking for just, like, three minutes?"
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"That's all it's gonna take, okay?"
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"Let's do it like we did it on our wedding night."
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"No, no, no. Jamie, what are you talking about, our fucking wedding night?"
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"God! I can't do this! Why not?"
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"I cannot believe I can't do this!"
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"What the hell is happening? God damn it!"
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"What?"
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"You don't want to have sex with me?"
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"Yeah, I want to have sex with you."
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"I've wanted to have sex with you since the sixth grade!"
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"I mean, you should be a mess by now,"
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"but things are not... Well, let's do it!"
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"This is new."
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"Sorry, Jamie."
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"I think I'm in over my head."
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"I think I'm way in over my head. I got this fucking house,"
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"and a job, and a family."
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"I've got you, I've got the Kids, and I've got a fucking carpool. And rules!"
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"I've got these fucking rules, half of which I don't even understand."
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"This is impossible. I don't know how to be this man."
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"I'm sorry."
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"Sorry. That's okay."
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"That's okay."
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"Come here."
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"Yeah, it's fantastic in here."
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"It's very warm. I think I remember this."
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"Mmm-hmm."
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"Dave Lockwood."
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"Mitch! Where the hell are you?"
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"It's been two days. I gotta know what's going on with Jamie."
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"Call me back."
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"What the hell is he doing?"
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"Mitch. Hi."
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"Jamie. What are you doing here?"
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"I come here every Saturday after yoga. What are you doing here?"
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"I am plowing the crap out of this chick around the corner,"
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"and now we're gonna have dinner. We're gonna make some scallops,"
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"and then it's going to get ugly. This chick is a mess."
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"Why do you have to talk like that? You have such a sweet side."
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"You should let people into your sweet side."
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"Yeah. Listen, I wanted to ask you something."
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"The other night, you were in a pretty dark place."
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"Oh, yeah. I know."
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"How's that going with Dave?"
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"Is he treating you a little bit better?"
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"Yeah. He's been very sweet."
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"Really open and communicative... Good."
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"He held my hand all night while we slept last night."
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"Attaboy!"
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"Did you tell Dave to shave his balls?"
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"Uh..."
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"Don't act like you didn't tell him. I know it came from you."
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"Don't be a bad influence on him."
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"I though you two might like that."
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