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Clips from The Change-Up

"That, right there, is Schedule IV sexual harassment."
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"Awesome!"
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"I'm sorry, have we met?"
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"No, we haven't. I'm Mitch Planko."
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"Hi, Sabrina McKay."
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"Hey, Sabrina."
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"Hold on."
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"You two guys should go out. What?"
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man!"
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"- Please stop. - You two guys need to go out."
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"Absolutely, you two should go out."
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"You're so single, Mitch, right?"
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"And you're so fucking white-hot, right? This body."
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"Did you do a lot of swimming in college?"
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"Don't answer that. You bet she did."
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"Oh, my God, you guys need to go out,"
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"have a nice steak dinner, do some dancing,"
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"go to a Korean nightclub, get a belly full of pills."
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"I don't know what you're into, but just have some fun."
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"What about Ecco on 7th Street, Saturday at 8:3O?"
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"Great? Great!"
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"He's totally free, so he's going to meet you there."
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"Don't fuck on the roof, though."
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"That place has got this non-resin tar"
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"that's a bastard to wash off."
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"So, just oral."
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"Yes, you're thinking about it."
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"She's in."
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"This is good."
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"You're going to get me fired! I swear to God."
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"Shut it down. For one second, you listen to me."
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"For the first time in your life,"
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"you're fucking good-looking, okay?"
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"You're single, you got the right number of fucking balls in that bag,"
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"and you got the opportunity to nail number one on your cancer list."
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"I can't do that. I'm not doing it."
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"You need this! This is fucking dinner with her!"
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"This is so good."
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"I mean, what's going on between us,"
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"it's just crazy, crazy."
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"Here's what's crazier, not using it."
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"Not using it on her."
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"You use it for her, you use it for you,"
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"and maybe a little bit for me, you know?"
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"Remind yourself of that. Remind yourself"
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"of the big, fucking crater you created right there on Tuesday night."
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"Oh, the Tuesday night, again. I could use that."
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"She'd fit perfectly in there. Will you please drop that?"
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"Every day with the Tuesday night! Well, it's a big goddamn deal!"
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"You fucked me! You owe me! Respect my life!"
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"Respect mine."
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"Yeah, you respect your life."
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"Fine! I am proud of you."
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"Just promise me, you listened to every word I said."
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"I heard everything. Every single syllable, you got it?"
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"Did you hear everything I said?"
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"Caught a few things. Yeah, just enough."
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"You betcha. You go have a good time, little girl."
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"I got your life all put away here, nice and safe."
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"Answer my phone."
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"Hello."
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"Hi, Mitch Planko."
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"Bingo! Who the fuck is this?"
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"What?"
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"Dad? Hello?"
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"Is this Mitch's dad? Is this Mitch, Sr?"
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"Dave? Hi, this is Dave Lockwood."
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"Why are you calling me?"
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"I just wondered if we can get together for a little while today."
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"Boy, it's a work day. Half an hour."
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"I look different. I don't like my outfit today."
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"Dave, half an hour."
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"Mitch, Sr. wants to sit down with Dave Lockwood."
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"Yeah. Why?"
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"I need to talk to you about Mitch."
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"Hello."
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"Dave. How are you?"
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"Good, thank you."
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"What are we doing here? When was the last time the two of us saw each other?"
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"I don't care. Listen."
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"I'm getting married to a very beautiful woman named Pamela."
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"Her name's Pamela? Yes."
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"Wow, you can say "I do" in English this time."
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"What? Is Pamela from America?"
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"Yes."
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"Anyway..."
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"I'm not going to have anybody there."
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"The only family I have is Mitch."
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"I went to his apartment a couple of days ago"
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"and told him that Pamela would like him"
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"to say a few words at the wedding"
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"and that wasn't true."
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"Truth of the matter is, I would like him to say a few words,"
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"if he could find it in his heart to do so."
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"I don't know why you don't tell him yourself."
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"That is a very nice thing for a son to hear."
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"So, you want me to go tell Mitch"
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"that you would like him at the wedding."
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"He's going to say, "Why the hell does"
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""he want me there? He thinks I'm an idiot.""
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"Well, that's not totally true."
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"I think he's got some nice qualities."
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"I think he's got some problem areas, too."
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"What are those?"
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"You're his friend, you know him as well as I do."
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"You probably know him better than I do. He's a quitter!"
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"He has never finished anything in his life."
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"He picks up something, he puts it down."
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"He's good at it for five minutes, and it's gone."
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"He's flaccid. No gumption. No get-up-and-go."
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"His accomplishments could rest comfortably on an eyelash."
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"Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck you ," if he heard you say that."
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"Well, maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't."
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"But I want him to be part of my life."
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"With all due respect, Mr. Planko, you don't know Mitch."
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"What you don't realize about him"
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"is that he's a fucking Jedi!"
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"A what? He's a Jedi Knight, sir."
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"And next time you see him, he's going to be slitting throats."
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"Fuck!"
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