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Clips from The Change-Up

"Right?"
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"No, dropping out of high school"
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"to be an actor was a great decision."
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"I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally."
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"That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen."
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"Why are you here?"
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"Just came by to see if you'd like to have some breakfast."
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"I can't. I got a super-duper important conference call in 10 minutes."
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"You don't have a job. You don't have any hair."
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"Right."
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"Well, then I'll just say it here."
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"I'm getting married again,"
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"and I'd like you to come to the wedding."
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"When's the wedding? Next Saturday."
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"My betrothed, Pamela, would like you"
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"to be there to say a few words."
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"I'll catch the next one."
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"Yeah, right. Okay, well, then I'd better get home"
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"and boil my shoes."
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"Great visiting. You, too."
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"Good."
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"And the baby-eating monster"
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"rises from the deep!"
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"Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better?"
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"The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling?"
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"I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way."
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"The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think?"
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"Yes. I tend to agree."
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"Hi, Mom! Hi!"
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"What a bad, bad day."
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"Hi."
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"The zoning board shut us down for the millionth time."
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"Dr. Klein lost the twins' immunization records."
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"And Cara got bullied in ballet class again."
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"Did you tell Daddy?"
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"Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me over during the battement glissé."
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"Oh, I'm sorry, sugarbug. Are you okay?"
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"We just need to keep striving for verbal resolution."
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"Yeah, yeah. Verbal resolution, sweetheart."
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"So where do you want to do this tonight?"
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"Do what?"
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"Dialogue Night."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Honey..."
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"Don't even say that."
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"I'm so sorry. I suck."
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"Dr. Tillman said just once a week, for one hour."
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"I'm sorry."
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"That was three months ago."
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"I know. I heard her."
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"And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour"
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"more than once a week, but tonight, I cannot."
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"Why? What are you doing?"
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"I promised Mitch I would sit and watch"
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"a game with him tonight, and..."
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"What?"
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"Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again?"
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"I'm so sorry."
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"I can do Monday night."
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"Thank you."
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"He's early."
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"Yeah, you'd be early, too,"
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"if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate."
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"What's hummus?"
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"That is a Mediterranean spread, honey."
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"What's master-ate?"
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"It's a cracker."
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"Oh, hey, Mitch. Your hair looks good."
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"Thanks."
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"Yeah, I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial."
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"- Uncle Mitch!"
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"How's my favorite ballerina doing?"
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"Hi, Uncle Mitch. Hi! Wow!"
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"Gosh, you're so light. Are you dieting?"
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"Do you want to come to my dance recital?"
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"Oh!"
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"No, honey."
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"The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes"
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"involves a big, shiny pole, and a broken woman with daddy issues."
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"Yeah, story time is over."
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"Go fix your hair."
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"Ow."
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"Mmm, smells good in here, Jame."
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"Mmm."
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"Ooh! Num-nums!"
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"Vegetable medley!"
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"How are you? Good."
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"You're good? Yeah."
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"Are you dating anyone?"
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"Ooh! You know who I ran into? Who?"
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"Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills."
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"Our social studies teacher? Yeah."
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"I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me,"
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"which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school."
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"You did? I dated her mouth for a full semester."
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"- Okay. - Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs."
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"Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?"
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"- Yeah, I guess. - Good."
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"Not really, mmm-mmm. Ahh."
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"I would like to strap you to my face and say the alphabet."
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"That's going too far."
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"Oh!"
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"Look at these little fuckers!"
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"What's your name? Hey."
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"What's your name? What's your name?"
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"Why can't they talk yet? Are they retarded or something?"
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"Don't say... You can't say that."
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"Well, this one right here looks a little Downsy."
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"- Or that. - I'm kidding."
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"A little bit, though? No."
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"Pumpkin, we'll see you right after the game, okay?"
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"Have fun."
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"I like it. Oh, God."
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"Let's go. Okay. Bye."
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"Mitch and Dave."
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"Mitch and Dave, out on the town."
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"Oh, dude, I didn't tell you!"
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"I booked a major movie role this week."
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"I auditioned for a movie role, I got it."
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"Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you. What is it called?"
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