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Clips from The Change-Up

"What are you saying?"
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"We could wait."
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"You want to wait? We could wait a day."
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"Push it a day? Or a week?"
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"We should wait to switch. We can do it..."
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"A month? Yeah."
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"It's time."
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"Really, what is time?"
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"Come here, Dave."
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"Come on, buddy."
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"This went so well. Yeah, it did."
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"It's kind of surprising."
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"Very surprising."
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"If they offer you one red cent over $700 million,"
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"you accept that. Got it?"
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"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?"
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"Why wouldn't you?"
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"Great! Good!"
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"What's the worst that can happen? Nothing can happen!"
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"I think it's fine."
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"Dave Lockwood."
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"Did you forget something?"
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"Who is this? Your wife."
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"Oh."
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"Ummm. Did I forget something? I don't know. What?"
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"Never mind."
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"It's the mediation tomorrow, so I'm under it."
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"I can't play."
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"So, how did it go? How much money is it?"
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"Just two hours, so, 14 bucks."
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"Great."
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"Sorry you got stood up."
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"He just forgot."
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"Yeah, that's what I meant."
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"He forgot me at the coffee shop"
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"when all I wanted to do was go and talk to him."
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"Which isn't a lot to ask, do you think?"
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"What do you want me to say?"
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"Well, have you ever been stood up by a man?"
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"Not really. Uh-huh."
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"Our parents drive us places, though, so..."
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"Bottom line, Katie,"
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"is work always comes first,"
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"and we always come second."
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"And I don't think that's ever going to change."
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"I've got to go home now"
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"because I have this Spanish test, so..."
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"I can write you a note."
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"I guess deep down,"
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"I'm afraid that I'll keep compromising"
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"until getting the shit end feels normal."
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"And then I'll be so beaten down by life"
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"that, just for a second, I will consider asking"
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"the homeless guy at the car wash who looks like Kris Kristofferson"
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"to rub my shoulders."
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"And I will, and he will."
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"And you know what? It'll be wonderful."
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"And I'll love it."
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"Because why not?"
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"I mean, I'm not getting anything here."
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"Nobody's fucking me here."
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"You know, Katie, this is exactly why people get divorced."
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"I'm so sorry."
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"I'm so sorry. That was way out of line."
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"Do you want some ice cream?"
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"I'm not getting any closer to leaving, am I?"
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"No."
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"Wow!"
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"It's looking good out there."
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"Hudson loves the sinker. He's been crushing them all year."
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"Listen to you, you are a big baseball fan!"
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"Yeah, huge."
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"I didn't know that about you."
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"I was Phil Niekro for Halloween three years in a row as a kid."
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"No way! Phil Niekro is my number one favorite of all time!"
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"Why is my voice so high?"
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"Thank you for coming in today."
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"My name is Erin Walsh,"
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"and I'll be mediating your claim."
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"Any and all agreements made during this mediation are binding"
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"and carry with them the full rights"
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"and responsibilities of the law"
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"as stated in Federal Code 325 A, Section 4."
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"Kinkabe agrees in principle to the terms of the sale"
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"and valuates your company at $625 million."
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"This is their best and final offer."
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"There is no way we can make this deal."
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"Six-twenty-five is not the end of the world."
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"You've just got to know when it's time to quit."
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"Fuck that noise. We are not quitting."
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"I think you can do better, Ted."
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"I beg your pardon."
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"I don't see anybody headed for the door."
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"This is just like trying to fuck a Catholic girl who keeps saying,"
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""No, I don't want to. I'm really drunk and you're circumcised.""
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"But she keeps on making out with you,"
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"she's not leaving your Fiero..."
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"It means she really wants to."
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"She just needs a little bit of a nudge."
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"A little bit of a coax, little bit of a tickle."
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"Just to rationalize it to herself, to her God."
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"Do you know what I mean?"
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"No, Dave. We most definitely do not know what you mean."
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"Okay. What I mean is,"
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"they want to spend more, they just don't know it, all right?"
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"If this really was their final offer,"
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"they'd be leaving, but they're not."
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"They're sticking around. They've got more money to spend."
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"She wants to unroll that rubber at the bottom of her purse"
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"that she put in there three semesters ago."
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"How much more do you think we can get out of them?"
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"Ten million? Fifteen?"
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"Pull those panties to the side, Ted, and take a hundred more."
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"What?"
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"Do not listen to him, Ted. He is beyond reckless."
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"If we make too large a counter offer, we risk driving them away."
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"Ted, it doesn't hurt to ask."
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"You would not believe the nasty shit"
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"I get these girls to do, just by asking."
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"Honestly, it's revolting."
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