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Clips from This Is 40

"I don't need to be monitored all the time on the computer."
This Is 40
"I don't do anything bad."
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"Nobody said you were bad."
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"I don't do things I'm not supposed to."
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"I don't illegally download music."
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"I don't look at porn like Wendy."
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"She is up to no good. She's not allowed to come over here anymore."
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"What's porn?"
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"No, she said "corn.""
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"This isn't turning out the way I wanted it to."
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"I'm not hungry."
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"No computer. Listen to your mom."
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"I need to use it for my homework."
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"(SADIE SLAMS DOOR)"
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"She's outplaying us."
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"I know. She's tough."
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"DEBBIE: This is the best birthday present."
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"PETE: It's good to get away."
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"We haven't been to Laguna without the kids in years."
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"I know. If we're happy, they're happy."
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"Yeah, I mean, I can't take it."
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"With the hormones, and the crying."
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"Jesus. And "do my homework.""
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"Them's lil' bitches."
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"Them's lil' bitches. Bugging us for shit all the time."
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"And they never appreciate anything."
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"No! God, no. They're selfish assholes."
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"(LAUGHING)"
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"Aw, I feel bad. I love them."
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"I know."
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"DEBBIE: I miss them already. Should we go home?"
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"PETE: Nah."
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"Why do we fight?"
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"I don't know, it makes no sense."
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"It makes no sense."
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"When we get in a fight,"
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"look at my eyes and let's remember this moment, right now,"
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"and know that we never have to fight."
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"But you're such a dick sometimes."
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"I know, I am a dick sometimes."
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"People think I'm so nice, but I'm such a dick."
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"Thank you for admitting that."
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"And you get so mad at me, I feel like you want to kill me."
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"I do want to kill you."
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"How would you do it?"
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"I don't know. I'd poison you."
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"I'd poison your cupcakes that you pretend not to eat every day."
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"And just put enough in to just slowly weaken you."
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"I love it."
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"I would enjoy our last few months together. Me too."
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"Because you'd be so weak and sweet."
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"And I could take care of you..."
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"But while killing you."
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"See, you know what I love about us?"
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"You can still surprise me."
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"I figured, for sure, you'd knock me out with one fell swoop of poison."
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"But you would extend it over a series of months."
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"Have you ever thought about killing me?"
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"Oh, yeah. Really?"
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"Sure."
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"How would you do it? Wood chipper."
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"A wood chipper? Yeah."
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"A wood chipper."
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"Yeah."
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"Wow."
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"I know. Did you see Fargo?"
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"Yeah."
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"(WHOOSHES)"
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"Ugh."
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"That's a bad plan. The cupcakes is a way better plan."
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"It is. You're right."
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"You know what? I won't murder you."
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"Aw!"
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"I love you."
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"I love you, too."
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"Do you know what I brought? What?"
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"A medical marijuana cookie. Ben gave it to me last Christmas."
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"What?"
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"Yeah. I brought it. You did?"
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"Chocolate chip kooky."
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"Should we do it?"
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"Let's eat the cookie and then we'll order a bunch of cheeseburgers."
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"Let's order the entire room service menu."
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"Just get all of it. You deserve it, you really do."
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"Wouldn't you rather have me around"
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"for less years and I'm incredibly happy, than longer and miserable?"
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"Yes, and I just realized that right now."
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"Go get the cookie. I'm getting the cookie."
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"Go get the cookie."
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"Ow!"
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"Should we watch porn when we eat the cookie?"
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"Yeah. Should we get a block of porn?"
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"I don't think we need 24 hours of porn."
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"But you know, two porns costs just about as much as a 24-hour block."
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"I think that's too much porn."
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"We don't have to watch it all, but for the value, it makes sense."
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"How much are we supposed to eat?"
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"I don't know. I think six or seven cookies, right?"
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"Plus, it's old, it probably has lost some of its..."
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"Potency."
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"We should have sex more."
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"I mean, girls have it so easy."
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"You just show up with your sexual organs and you're good to go."
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"All the pressure is on the guy."
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"It's true."
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"And I look at guys... Like, I look at a guy like Prince,"
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"and you know that guy fucks."
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"Yeah."
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"I know I don't fuck like Prince. Uh-uh."
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"Prince can fuck. Uh-huh."
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"I fuck like David Schwimmer."
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"(BOTH LAUGH)"
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"You do."
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"You know, I fuck like Ross from Friends."
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"Mmm."
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"Looks good."
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"How does he do it?"
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"The floating spoon."
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"Check it out. It's my dick and balls."
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