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Clips from Broad City - Working Girls (S01E01)

"Jeremy!"
Broad City
"Hi. Hi."
Broad City
"Uh, I was just gonna see what you're up to today,"
Broad City
"but you're obviously going to work, so."
Broad City
"This is a joke shirt."
Broad City
"'Cause I'm a trainer. Oh."
Broad City
"Yeah, I sometimes train, um, VIP clients at night."
Broad City
"Like Shania... Twain."
Broad City
"Wow."
Broad City
"And then I come back here during the day"
Broad City
"and I'm just free to do whatever happens."
Broad City
"You know... Well, I know we don't know each other that well,"
Broad City
"but I'm heading upstate today to pick up some"
Broad City
"salvaged beams from an abandoned barn... Oh."
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"And I was just wondering if you..."
Broad City
"could sign for a package for me that I'm expecting."
Broad City
"Oh."
Broad City
"I mean, only if you're going to be home anyway."
Broad City
"Totally, totally."
Broad City
"Amazing, okay."
Broad City
"I'll leave a note on my door"
Broad City
"and tell them to drop it off here."
Broad City
"The window's between 10:00 and 4:00."
Broad City
"Okay. I really appreciate it."
Broad City
"Yeah. I owe you one."
Broad City
"Okay, I love you too."
Broad City
"I'm sorry, did you just say something?"
Broad City
"No, I think that you said... you said something to me."
Broad City
"Yeah, I said, Can you sign for a package for me"
Broad City
"that I'm expecting, and then you said..."
Broad City
"And then I didn't... I don't think I said anything."
Broad City
"You're hearing things, man. I might be."
Broad City
"You better get those beams."
Broad City
"You can sign for the package, though, right? I can totally do that."
Broad City
"Okay. Great signature."
Broad City
"All right, love you too."
Broad City
"Oh, my God."
Broad City
"Ilana?"
Broad City
"Hey, Ilana."
Broad City
"What?"
Broad City
"What time is it?"
Broad City
"Were you just sleeping with your eyes open?"
Broad City
"No."
Broad City
"Of course not."
Broad City
"Um, that would take, like, super long to perfect."
Broad City
"Computer's not on."
Broad City
"It's just idle, I think."
Broad City
"It's not on."
Broad City
"Look, I need you to read and sign the employee manual."
Broad City
"Details a lot of the workplace policies."
Broad City
"One of them is, um, proper workplace attire."
Broad City
"Oh, okay."
Broad City
"Well, I can just cover this."
Broad City
"Oops."
Broad City
"Oop."
Broad City
"Sophie's Choice."
Broad City
"Hey."
Broad City
"It also details our sexual harassment policies."
Broad City
"Got it."
Broad City
"Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it."
Broad City
"Cool."
Broad City
"Um, well, I will get right on that, sire."
Broad City
"But first, I'm going to take my top-o'-the-morning-dump-to-you."
Broad City
"So um, I'll see you in a couple... Couple hours."
Broad City
"Yeah, you know, it started as a sore throat,"
Broad City
"but I'm feeling really feverish now."
Broad City
"It's escalating quickly."
Broad City
"A clump of my hair just fell out actually."
Broad City
"Somebody had an accident in the steam room"
Broad City
"and I kind of want you to handle that."
Broad City
"It's getting worse as we're talking."
Broad City
"All right, let's wheelbarrow, come on."
Broad City
"I really think I should stay home."
Broad City
"Fine, take the day off, but this is what I want you to do."
Broad City
"Run a quick 5K, sweat it out, then take an eight-minute nap."
Broad City
"Wake up, do a shot of Echinacea,"
Broad City
"and then jump right into an ice bath."
Broad City
"Immediately after that, suck on some ice chips,"
Broad City
"then urinate as hard and as fast as you can."
Broad City
"Then eat a full onion, rub that onion underneath your armpits,"
Broad City
"any kind of gland, any kind of mucal cavity, okay?"
Broad City
"It's called cellular confusion."
Broad City
"All right, back on that bench, let's go!"
Broad City
"I'll give that a try if I can muscle it."
Broad City
"And then you just gotta veg."
Broad City
"They just put all of Smallville on Netflix."
Broad City
"But Abbi, promise me you'll watch from the beginning, okay?"
Broad City
"It really builds."
Broad City
"Thanks, Trey. No problem, Bob, feel better."
Broad City
"All right, you want your ass tight for reunion or what?"
Broad City
"Finish strong."
Broad City
"Nice work, Gloria."
Broad City
"All right, hit the showers."
Broad City
"Okay."
Broad City
"Join me in the showers."
Broad City
"I'm not on my period."
Broad City
"Hello? Ilana Wexler?"
Broad City
"Maybe... Who is this?"
Broad City
"It's Linda Lodi, from the Linda Lodi temp agency."
Broad City
"Listen, um, I know we haven't called you in since that whole."
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"Popsicle incident. I totally forgot about that."
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"Would you be available for some temp work this afternoon?"
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"Uh..."
Broad City
"yeah, I'm available."
Broad City
"Great, just come over as soon as you can."
Broad City
"Ilana, listen, this delivery window starts in like,"
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"20 minutes, I really gotta go."
Broad City
"Okay, one last thing."
Broad City
"Dude, this is huge."
Broad City
"Not that big of a deal."
Broad City
"Once you get this package, he's going to think of you"
Broad City
"as someone he can trust with his mail."
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"Next thing you know, you're pregnant with his sperm"
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"and he's sanding down your headboard shirtless."
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"I mean, I don't know if I'd get pregnant like, right away."
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"I've heard from like, lots of women that the sex gets bad"
Broad City
"after you have kids. Totally."
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"We haven't even had sex once."
Broad City
"I just want to, like, make sure we do it enough"
Broad City
"before I would have a kid, you know?"
Broad City
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