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Clips from Bad Grandpa

"Law offices."
Bad Grandpa
"You know what I want to be when I grow up?"
Bad Grandpa
"- What? - A fisherman."
Bad Grandpa
"I want to go fishing every day till I'm rich"
Bad Grandpa
"so I can move right next door to the jailhouse,"
Bad Grandpa
"so I can be close to my mommy."
Bad Grandpa
"She got arrested for drugs again, so she has to go back."
Bad Grandpa
"I'm sorry to hear that."
Bad Grandpa
"My mommy's breath smells so bad"
Bad Grandpa
"'cause she smokes so much crack."
Bad Grandpa
"What do you think?"
Bad Grandpa
"What do I think? About what?"
Bad Grandpa
"My mommy's bad breath."
Bad Grandpa
"Maybe it'll get better."
Bad Grandpa
"Thank you. That helps."
Bad Grandpa
"Yeah. Yeah! Thanks for nothing, Derek."
Bad Grandpa
"What is the matter with you, Kimmie?"
Bad Grandpa
"All right, come on. We got to go see your grandpa."
Bad Grandpa
"Not Grandpa. He's a kook!"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, my goodness. You are limber!"
Bad Grandpa
"Mmm, mmm, mmm."
Bad Grandpa
"Phew."
Bad Grandpa
"- Thank you. - Thank you."
Bad Grandpa
"Ooh, well, hello! I think I know her."
Bad Grandpa
"Mmm..."
Bad Grandpa
"Mr. Zisman?"
Bad Grandpa
"Mr. Zisman."
Bad Grandpa
"- Mr. Zisman! - Hmm?"
Bad Grandpa
"Hi."
Bad Grandpa
"I'm, uh, afraid I have some bad news."
Bad Grandpa
"Your wife, she took a turn for the worse last night"
Bad Grandpa
"and, um, she passed away."
Bad Grandpa
"I'm so sorry."
Bad Grandpa
"Oh!"
Bad Grandpa
"I thought she'd never die."
Bad Grandpa
"I'm going to let you process this,"
Bad Grandpa
"and, uh, I'll be back in just a moment, okay?"
Bad Grandpa
"Thank you. Thank you, Doc!"
Bad Grandpa
"Don't get me wrong, I'm upset, but she was a crabby old bat."
Bad Grandpa
"Well, I'm sorry for your loss."
Bad Grandpa
"She hadn't given me any nookie since the '90s."
Bad Grandpa
"And then it was only out of spite."
Bad Grandpa
"She's in a much better place."
Bad Grandpa
"And I'm in a much better place."
Bad Grandpa
"Did you hear that, Leroy? We're free!"
Bad Grandpa
"I'm free."
Bad Grandpa
"Hello, lady."
Bad Grandpa
"Thanks a lot."
Bad Grandpa
"Ooh."
Bad Grandpa
"All right."
Bad Grandpa
"Shit!"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh."
Bad Grandpa
"Uh-oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no."
Bad Grandpa
"Miss."
Bad Grandpa
"Sir, can you help me? Can you help me, sir?"
Bad Grandpa
"I don't expect you to understand,"
Bad Grandpa
"but I have my penis stuck to the soda machine."
Bad Grandpa
"Gabriel! I'm stuck."
Bad Grandpa
"What's wrong?"
Bad Grandpa
"My penis is stuck in the machine!"
Bad Grandpa
"Gabriel! Help me!"
Bad Grandpa
"Help me! Ah! Gabriel!"
Bad Grandpa
"Gabriel!"
Bad Grandpa
"Sir. Could you help me, sir?"
Bad Grandpa
"Please don't announce it!"
Bad Grandpa
"It's fucking embarrassing!"
Bad Grandpa
"Can you help me instead of announcing?"
Bad Grandpa
"Please! It's not funny!"
Bad Grandpa
"It's not funny!"
Bad Grandpa
"Help! Give me a hand!"
Bad Grandpa
"- Could you help me? - What you want?"
Bad Grandpa
"I'm in a bad situation."
Bad Grandpa
"I gotta get unstuck!"
Bad Grandpa
"Can you help?"
Bad Grandpa
"Jiggle my shoulders."
Bad Grandpa
"Jiggle my shoulders. Ow! Ow!"
Bad Grandpa
"- Nothing I can do. - Jiggle my..."
Bad Grandpa
"Jiggle! Ow! Ow."
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, my God."
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, my God."
Bad Grandpa
"Oh. Oh! He's trying to rip that dick out!"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, no!"
Bad Grandpa
"- Stop! - Stop, man!"
Bad Grandpa
"Sir?"
Bad Grandpa
"Don't... It's not going to come out."
Bad Grandpa
"Don't! Quit pulling on it."
Bad Grandpa
"I got to get... Oh, God!"
Bad Grandpa
"Ah!"
Bad Grandpa
"Push! Push!"
Bad Grandpa
"God! Push! Push!"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, God! Oh, God!"
Bad Grandpa
"You looking for something?"
Bad Grandpa
"Yes, ma'am, I'm looking for a suit."
Bad Grandpa
"Okay."
Bad Grandpa
"Wow, what's your name?"
Bad Grandpa
"- Judy. - Judy..."
Bad Grandpa
"- Nice to meet you. - ...you are so beautiful."
Bad Grandpa
"- Thank you. - Oh, my goodness."
Bad Grandpa
"My wife just passed away."
Bad Grandpa
"I'm sorry."
Bad Grandpa
"That's all right. It wasn't the greatest marriage anyway, Judy."
Bad Grandpa
"That's why I'm gonna take a little me time now, Judy."
Bad Grandpa
"- And have some fun. - Uh-huh. See?"
Bad Grandpa
"By fun, I mean banging the gong."
Bad Grandpa
"I might be too old to fry the rice,"
Bad Grandpa
"but I can still chop the suey, that's for sure."
Bad Grandpa
"How long does it take to do alterations?"
Bad Grandpa
"Um... Do you need a hurry?"
Bad Grandpa
"Uh, the funeral's tomorrow."
Bad Grandpa
"Oh. Do you need a tie?"
Bad Grandpa
"Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am."
Bad Grandpa
"Okay, what color the tie you likey?"
Bad Grandpa
"Uh, I likey any color. You pick one out for me."
Bad Grandpa
"Well... How about that one right there?"
Bad Grandpa
"Uh... Which one? You mean this one?"
Bad Grandpa
"- Right there. Yes. - That looks like it's green."
Bad Grandpa
"- Oh, that's very nice. - Yeah. Okay?"
Bad Grandpa
"- How much is that shirt? - Sixty-five."
Bad Grandpa
"- That's a lot of scratch. - Forty per cent."
Bad Grandpa
"- Forty per cent. - That's a lot of scratch."
Bad Grandpa
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