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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes on a Date! (S01E01)

"Here, take it. It doesn't matter anyway."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Thanks to your shenanigans,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I missed my head shot appointment."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wait."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Head shots? Really?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I figured the money was for something weird,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"like Barbie shoes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Barbie shoes aren't weird, Lillian!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hoarding newspapers is weird."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wrong. Buying end tables is weird when you got newspapers."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Eh, here, take the money."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What? Why? Oh, God, are you dying?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I knew it. You look horrible."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you need to share your talent."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Thank you, Lillian."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know what?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"When I win my Tony Award, you'll be the first person I..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nice suit, money bags!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, no! Oh!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"For that to happen on the day that we buried Son Hae Sop."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's too bad about Grant."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Deep down, he really is a wonderful apartment."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Can you speed him up again?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"_"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's a lie!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's so big, he's in a wheelchair."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy, I apologize for this."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's okay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It was probably dumb of me"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to think that anyone in New York City"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"would get what I've been through."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know, Ohio."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Being single in New York is sheer torture."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Torture? I'll talk!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The invasion is planned for Normandy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Sir? Mr. Belden, this way."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, I went outside today."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Jacqueline, we have a problem."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How far along are you? We'll say Kimmy's the mom."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm not pregnant."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This woman has the keys to our house,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and we don't even know who she is."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy Smith from Middletown, Ohio,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I've been Googling you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You have? I didn't feel it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"God, everything you say is insane."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I can't find anything out about you online."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Anything."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is Kimmy Smith even your real name?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Xanthippe Lannister Voorhees,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"how about you mind your own damn business?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Women have secrets, okay?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Who knows what Kimmy had to do to get here."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Maybe she was a hooker."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay, is this how prostitutes dress nowadays?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Admit that that was a weird thing to say."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No. Her past doesn't matter."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"People come to New York and start new lives,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and it gets complicated."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And you, of all people, don't get to judge her."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Your greatest accomplishment in life"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"is pulling off that lipstick, which you have to let me borrow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It looks awesome."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Now, take your spoiled ass upstairs and go to your rooms."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is bullying, you know."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm being bullied, and I'm not even fat!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"White people... am I right?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Hey. - Hey."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Sorry you had to cover for me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It was not worth it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My date tried to kill me with a pine cone."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, sure. We've all been there."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Uh, Buckley's lacrosse was actually fun."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He kept getting nailed by the ball."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I know it's wrong,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but, oh, man, it was so satisfying."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"um..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"maybe tomorrow I'll go with you,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you know, just keep you company."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay. Sure."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Later, gator."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"_"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Buddy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt