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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes on a Date! (S01E01)

I hope you sing one of those sad Boyz II Men songs.

"I hope you sing one of those sad Boyz II Men songs."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

They always remind me of all the homies I've lost.

"They always remind me of all the homies I've lost."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Okay. I'm going on a date.

"Okay. I'm going on a date."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

What kind of socks do you wear on a date?

"What kind of socks do you wear on a date?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Idiot! You're going to a nice restaurant.

"Idiot! You're going to a nice restaurant."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

They probably have socks there.

"They probably have socks there."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I don't know how to do this.

"I don't know how to do this."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I've never put on makeup in my life.

"I've never put on makeup in my life."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I don't think this is for me.

"I don't think this is for me."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ow. Ow!

"Ow. Ow!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Dang this fancy comb!

"Dang this fancy comb!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I think I'm gonna have the...

"I think I'm gonna have the..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

steak.

"steak."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

All I wanted was someone to talk to.

"All I wanted was someone to talk to."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Now I'm meeting some boy at a restaurant.

"Now I'm meeting some boy at a restaurant."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This is so wack!

"This is so wack!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In the bunker, I was perfectly happy just talking to myself,

"In the bunker, I was perfectly happy just talking to myself,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

like this.

"like this."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I saw that in a movie once.

"I saw that in a movie once."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I know. I was with you. Oh, right.

"I know. I was with you. Oh, right."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Um, Grant Belden?

"Um, Grant Belden?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

No.

"No."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, good. I

"Oh, good. I"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You're not Grant Belden. I'm Grant Belden.

"You're not Grant Belden. I'm Grant Belden."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ Close your eyes ♪

"♪ Close your eyes ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ Make a wish ♪

"♪ Make a wish ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ And blow out the candlelight ♪

"♪ And blow out the candlelight ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Boyz II Men. Yeah, sing it, baby, man.

"Boyz II Men. Yeah, sing it, baby, man."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I miss you, homies.

"I miss you, homies."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪

"♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ All through the night ♪

"♪ All through the night ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

"♪ I'll make love to you ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ When you want me to ♪

"♪ When you want me to ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, God, it's the wrong Boyz II Men song.

"Oh, God, it's the wrong Boyz II Men song."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ Baby, all through the night ♪

"♪ Baby, all through the night ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

"♪ I'll make love to you ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ Like you want me to ♪

"♪ Like you want me to ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ And I will not let go ♪

"♪ And I will not let go ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

♪ Till you tell me to ♪

"♪ Till you tell me to ♪"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm not supposed to have ice cream.

"I'm not supposed to have ice cream."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh.

"Oh."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I promise I won't tell.

"I promise I won't tell."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Well, you're a pretty nurse.

"Well, you're a pretty nurse."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, that's nice, but I'm not a nurse.

"Oh, that's nice, but I'm not a nurse."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm Kimmy, Jacqueline's friend.

"I'm Kimmy, Jacqueline's friend."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Who? Kennedy?

"Who? Kennedy?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Give her my best.

"Give her my best."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ah, Rexy. Here you go!

"Ah, Rexy. Here you go!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Good dog.

"Good dog."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, you're hungry today, aren't you?

"Oh, you're hungry today, aren't you?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Good dog.

"Good dog."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Mr. Belden, I don't know if I should tell you this,

"Mr. Belden, I don't know if I should tell you this,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

but there's no dog.

"but there's no dog."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I don't know if I should tell you this,

"I don't know if I should tell you this,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

but I slept with my twin brother's wife.

"but I slept with my twin brother's wife."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I told her I was him.

"I told her I was him."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

She had no idea. Shh, shh, shh.

"She had no idea. Shh, shh, shh."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

So how's your ice cream?

"So how's your ice cream?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Cold! Oh, so cold.

"Cold! Oh, so cold."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

The Krauts had us surrounded in Bastogne.

"The Krauts had us surrounded in Bastogne."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We nearly froze to death.

"We nearly froze to death."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But we kept each other warm...

"But we kept each other warm..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

any way we could.

"any way we could."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

When I was eight, I stole $5

"When I was eight, I stole $5"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

from my mother's purse.

"from my mother's purse."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, well, Mother could be strict.

"Yes, well, Mother could be strict."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But she always kept a pocket full of chocolate syrup

"But she always kept a pocket full of chocolate syrup"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

for the wee ones.

"for the wee ones."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I can tell you anything, can't I?

"I can tell you anything, can't I?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I can talk to you, and you won't think I'm a freak,

"I can talk to you, and you won't think I'm a freak,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

like Titus or that jerk Siri.

"like Titus or that jerk Siri."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You won't even remember!

"You won't even remember!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Hot dog.

"Hot dog."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm a Mole Woman.

"I'm a Mole Woman."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

When we got to Dusseldorf, they made us shoot

"When we got to Dusseldorf, they made us shoot"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

all the zoo animals.

"all the zoo animals."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I was kept underground for 15 years

"I was kept underground for 15 years"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

by an insane preacher.

"by an insane preacher."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I ate giraffe, and I liked it.

"I ate giraffe, and I liked it."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Jackie Lynn.

"Jackie Lynn."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I told you, it's Jacqueline now.

"I told you, it's Jacqueline now."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Jackie Lynn is a cheap stripper name.

"Jackie Lynn is a cheap stripper name."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Jacqueline is a classy stripper name.

"Jacqueline is a classy stripper name."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ehh.

"Ehh."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Your father was elected chair of Tribal Council.

"Your father was elected chair of Tribal Council."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You really should come back to this year's Sun Dance.

"You really should come back to this year's Sun Dance."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Sundance? The film festival?

"Sundance? The film festival?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I hear Kevin Smith has really outdone himself this time.

"I hear Kevin Smith has really outdone himself this time."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

He's a hack.

"He's a hack."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And we're talking about the Lakota Sun Dance.

"And we're talking about the Lakota Sun Dance."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Jeez, Jackie Lynn,

"Jeez, Jackie Lynn,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

where is the morning star necklace

"where is the morning star necklace"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

that your grandmother made?

"that your grandmother made?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I sold it.

"I sold it."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I sold all my old trinkets so that I could own Manhattan,

"I sold all my old trinkets so that I could own Manhattan,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and it's working.

"and it's working."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm a stewardess.

"I'm a stewardess."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm dating a rich, older man,

"I'm dating a rich, older man,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and I'm lying to him about my birth control.

"and I'm lying to him about my birth control."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ay.

"Ay."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Aren't you happy for me?

"Aren't you happy for me?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm actually succeeding here.

"I'm actually succeeding here."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And someday I'll have enough money

"And someday I'll have enough money"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

so you guys can come to New York and live with me.

"so you guys can come to New York and live with me."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We don't want to live in New York.

"We don't want to live in New York."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

The littering here makes me cry.

"The littering here makes me cry."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I don't know you anymore.

"I don't know you anymore."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Jac-que-line.

"Jac-que-line."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- _ - That means you're supposed to think

"- _ - That means you're supposed to think"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

of other people,

"of other people,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and you only care about yourself.

"and you only care about yourself."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You've forgotten everything we taught you.

"You've forgotten everything we taught you."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yeah, well, some of the things you taught me were dumb,

"Yeah, well, some of the things you taught me were dumb,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

like using the whole buffalo.

"like using the whole buffalo."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Some parts just aren't good, guys,

"Some parts just aren't good, guys,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

for example, the poop.

"for example, the poop."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

No one told you to use the poop.

"No one told you to use the poop."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh.

"Oh."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

We wanted you to come back with us.

"We wanted you to come back with us."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

That's why we came all this way in the great iron eagle.

"That's why we came all this way in the great iron eagle."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

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