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Clips from Master of None - Old People (S01E01)

"[upbeat music]"
Master of None
"♪ ♪"
Master of None
"[laughter]"
Master of None
"Do we look okay?"
Master of None
"[Grandpa Hampton] See? Look at the picture."
Master of None
"Look how it's slanting and jumping around."
Master of None
"Yeah, I see that, Grandpa."
Master of None
"It's the tracking. I'm trying to fix it."
Master of None
"It normally doesn't look like that."
Master of None
"I know. I'm working on it."
Master of None
"Well, now it's worse."
Master of None
"Uh, you know, Grandpa Hampton,"
Master of None
"we might be ignoring the larger issue here."
Master of None
"Nobody uses VCRs anymore."
Master of None
"Why don't we throw that guy in the garbage"
Master of None
"and we have old Arnold buy you a brand new Blu-ray player?"
Master of None
"I don't trust those discs."
Master of None
"I don't want any lasers in my home."
Master of None
"Plus, I got my collection of tapes already."
Master of None
"Yeah, Dev, I don't think they have"
Master of None
"the 1996 US Open tennis quarterfinals on Blu-ray yet."
Master of None
"Don't tell me who wins!"
Master of None
"All right. I give up."
Master of None
"The stress that it's gonna take for me to fix this"
Master of None
"is not worth the $3 to buy you a new VCR."
Master of None
"We're gonna go out and get you one."
Master of None
"Forget about watching Twins. Let's skip it."
Master of None
"Let's just sit it down, have a beer."
Master of None
"Let's talk."
Master of None
"Dude, we got to get the fuck out of here."
Master of None
"I'm not trying to hang out with your cranky grandpa."
Master of None
"You said we're coming to Astoria to get a tasty shawarma"
Master of None
"and we'd see your grandpa for a minute."
Master of None
"I've been watching blurry Twins for an hour."
Master of None
"I know. I'm sorry, dude."
Master of None
"Tracking's so bad, it looks like"
Master of None
"Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are twins."
Master of None
"Listen, I'll make an excuse,"
Master of None
"then we'll get you that tasty shawarm."
Master of None
"Grandpa, we got to take off."
Master of None
"I have a little emergency here."
Master of None
"I was flying my kite that's shaped like a shark,"
Master of None
"and it got stuck in a tree."
Master of None
"So we're gonna--"
Master of None
"I got stuck in a tree once."
Master of None
"In Korea."
Master of None
"[exhales]"
Master of None
"We were parachuting in, and the weather was a nightmare."
Master of None
"We got blown all over the place."
Master of None
"I missed my drop point, and I wound up stuck in a tree."
Master of None
"I tried to cut myself down, but I dropped my knife."
Master of None
"And then, I see a group of four commie soldiers"
Master of None
"coming towards me."
Master of None
"I'm trying not to make a sound."
Master of None
"The bastards are right underneath me."
Master of None
"And then one of them bends down and picks up my knife."
Master of None
"I realize I got about two seconds before they look up."
Master of None
"Holy shit, what did you do, Grandpa Hampton?"
Master of None
"I pulled out my gun, and I started firing like hell."
Master of None
"Oh, man. Did you survive, Pop-pop?"
Master of None
"Oh, I did, but they didn't."
Master of None
"I killed all of 'em."
Master of None
"Then I shot myself down from the tree."
Master of None
"And when I hit the ground, I see"
Master of None
"one of them's still got a little fight left in him."
Master of None
"But I'm out of bullets."
Master of None
"So I pick up the butt of my gun, and I smash his skull in."
Master of None
"[chuckles]"
Master of None
"- Oh, anyway... You guys meet Paro? - [squeaks]"
Master of None
"No, what is that thing?"
Master of None
"Oh, he's a robotic seal."
Master of None
"I went to the VA, and they gave me this."
Master of None
"Said I needed a companion."
Master of None
"I was pissed at first, but I grew to like the little guy."
Master of None
"Isn't that right, Paro?"
Master of None
"[funky music]"
Master of None
"♪ ♪"
Master of None
"Dude, that story was insane."
Master of None
"Had your grandpa ever told you any of that stuff before?"
Master of None
"No. He's never mentioned it."
Master of None
"He's usually just complaining about"
Master of None
"buying the wrong kind of cottage cheese."
Master of None
"Apparently, there's a difference in curd size."
Master of None
"Ooh, you know what a good snack is?"
Master of None
"Cottage cheese and pineapple."
Master of None
"Bro, you know I don't do sweet and savory."
Master of None
"Come on. You're nuts."
Master of None
"- Mr. Baumheiser. - Yes."
Master of None
"Would you please rinse your soda bottles out"
Master of None
"before discarding them into the recycling bins?"
Master of None
"You know, that's how we get bugs."
Master of None
"I've mentioned this to you before."
Master of None
"Yes, Gideon, I'll take care of that"
Master of None
"next time I bring the bottles down."
Master of None
"My apologies."
Master of None
"Man, you know what we should do?"
Master of None
"We should hang out with your grandpa again sometime."
Master of None
"Just have some beers and hear some more of his stories."
Master of None
"Hell, yeah. I'd love to do that."
Master of None
"[somber organ music playing]"
Master of None
"[priest] Hampton Baumheiser was a proud veteran,"
Master of None
"husband, father, and grandfather."
Master of None
"He touched our lives in so many ways."
Master of None
"He was always quick to offer a smile, a joke,"
Master of None
"or one of his favorite snacks:"
Master of None
"- Twizzlers. - [murmurs of agreement]"
Master of None
"Can't believe we were hanging out"
Master of None
"with your grandpa a week ago"
Master of None
"and now he's dead."
Master of None
"I mean, he's dead."
Master of None
"- Like, he's just dead. - Yeah."
Master of None
"Can you not say my grandfather's dead"
Master of None
"over and over and over again?"
Master of None
"I'm sorry."
Master of None
"Hope he got to see who won that tennis match."
Master of None
"I looked it up. It was Agassi."
Master of None
"And then he lost to Michael Chang."
Master of None
"And then Chang lost to Sampras."
Master of None
"He was a monster back then, right?"
Master of None
"Oh, that serve? Whew."
Master of None
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