Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Lucifer - It Never Ends Well for the Chicken (S05E05)

"But the ancients understood that death..."
Lucifer
"is power."
Lucifer
"[suspensful music plays]"
Lucifer
"Did you feel powerful"
Lucifer
"when you were holding Tommy Stompanato's heart in your hands after you killed him?"
Lucifer
"Somebody killed Tommy Stompanato?"
Lucifer
"You... You can't possibly believe that I had anything to do with that."
Lucifer
"Oh, yeah. We absolutely do."
Lucifer
"Yes, tell us, Melvin the Magnificent."
Lucifer
"What is it you desire?"
Lucifer
"-I... -Yeah..."
Lucifer
"...want..."
Lucifer
"Yeah."
Lucifer
"...a 1941 Pontiac Torpedo."
Lucifer
"Eight-cylinder engine, 103 horsepower,"
Lucifer
"zero to forty in under three minutes,  and..."
Lucifer
"surprisingly affordable."
Lucifer
"A few of these deluxe ceremonies a week,"
Lucifer
"a couple of sacred objects here and there,"
Lucifer
"and I'm cruising the open road by summer."
Lucifer
"You killed Stompanato and then you stole my friend Lilith's very special ring,"
Lucifer
"so forget the open road. The only place you're going is downtown."
Lucifer
"Hold the line there, pal."
Lucifer
"Are you talking about the ring of Lilith?"
Lucifer
"Because my clients..."
Lucifer
"uh, parishioners, would pay top dollar for even a slightly passable fake."
Lucifer
"We could split the profits."
Lucifer
"Objects of immortality are my bestsellers."
Lucifer
"Right. Can any of your "parishioners" account for your whereabouts"
Lucifer
"from noon to 6:00 today?"
Lucifer
"Well, sure, I was here."
Lucifer
"I did four tarot card readings..."
Lucifer
"uh, an exorcism..."
Lucifer
"and a bar mitzvah."
Lucifer
"-Oh... -Tony Stompanato's heart was ripped out"
Lucifer
"in an identical manner to your little chicken scam,"
Lucifer
"so if it wasn't you that killed him,"
Lucifer
"it had to be one of your customers."
Lucifer
"Did you tell any of them about the ring of Lilith?"
Lucifer
"Well, sure. I've been selling maps to Lilith's tomb for years, but..."
Lucifer
"I couldn't tell you who bought them on account of all the robes."
Lucifer
"[sighs] Well,  that was a clucking waste of time."
Lucifer
"I'm afraid we've hit a dead end."
Lucifer
"Found a few heart puns, had a few laughs, but..."
Lucifer
"it seems you'll have to live without your ring."
Lucifer
"So, why don't I repay my debt some other way?"
Lucifer
"A castle, a private island, a mountain of gold?"
Lucifer
"The world is your oyster, and I, your concierge."
Lucifer
"Thousands of years, Lucifer,"
Lucifer
"and that ring has always been with me."
Lucifer
"It reminds me of who I am,"
Lucifer
"why I have done the things I've done."
Lucifer
"You mean, why you sent your children to Hell?"
Lucifer
"I gave you an army!"
Lucifer
"An army I never asked for."
Lucifer
"And..."
Lucifer
"one I didn't know I needed at the time."
Lucifer
"But... without them I would have spent eternity alone, and..."
Lucifer
"for that, I shall be forever in your debt."
Lucifer
"Which is why I'm truly sorry I couldn't get your ring back."
Lucifer
"So am I."
Lucifer
"[Lucifer sighs]"
Lucifer
"So..."
Lucifer
"How exactly did everyone get the idea"
Lucifer
"it's the ring that makes you immortal, anyway?"
Lucifer
"Hmm?"
Lucifer
"Uh..."
Lucifer
"So I hitch a ride through the Americas with this explorer,"
Lucifer
"Hernán Cortés,"
Lucifer
"obsessed with gold, rains bloodshed and terror wherever he goes."
Lucifer
"A real wet blanket."
Lucifer
"I split the second we hit land and hook up with this strapping Aztec warrior."
Lucifer
"Montezuma."
Lucifer
"We have a few drinks, he asks if I'm a virgin."
Lucifer
"I say yes because that always got the folks in Spain going."
Lucifer
"-Mm-hmm. -Next thing I know,"
Lucifer
"some priest fellas are throwing me in a volcano."
Lucifer
"I survive, and..."
Lucifer
"somebody writes it on a stone tablet. You know how these things start."
Lucifer
"[laughs] I do."
Lucifer
"[sighs] Mortals."
Lucifer
"Wouldn't mind seeing the look on that thief's face"
Lucifer
"when they realize that that ring doesn't do a damn thing."
Lucifer
"Hold on."
Lucifer
"The ring doesn't work,"
Lucifer
"which means the thief will be looking for a way to make it work."
Lucifer
"Lilith, I believe I've found a way to get your ring back."
Lucifer
"All we need is a high priest, a jeweler, and a distraction."
Lucifer
"Thanks to a certain high priest- cum-magic school freshman I know,"
Lucifer
"the word is out that your ring only works"
Lucifer
"when it's attached to this rather gaudy bangle."
Lucifer
"So whoever stole the ring will come back for this..."
Lucifer
"bracelet."
Lucifer
"The thief waits till you're on stage"
Lucifer
"and sneaks into your dressing room just as before,"
Lucifer
"except this time, our pal Jack will be watching."
Lucifer
"Jack catches thief, thief gives up ring,"
Lucifer
"and before you know it, that little piece of Eden will be back on your finger"
Lucifer
"-where it belongs. -[chuckles]"
Lucifer
"Hey..."
Lucifer
"[sighs]"
Lucifer
"I appreciate you doing this."
Lucifer
"Well, your friend Lucifer said you needed me."
Lucifer
"But when this is over, I'm taking the bus to Des Moines."
Lucifer
"I'm gonna move back in with my mother."
Lucifer
"Okay, so..."
Lucifer
"When Lily gives the cue, you take the bracelet."
Lucifer
"-Okay? -And then I parade it around the club,"
Lucifer
"take it back to the dressing room, put it in the safe."
Lucifer
"Wait."
Lucifer
"Just, uh..."
Lucifer
"Be careful, okay?"
Lucifer
"I'm gonna need more than that, Jack."
Lucifer
"All this time you've spent on Earth..."
Lucifer
"have you ever connected with a human?"
Lucifer
"I've connected with thousands of humans."
Lucifer
"Once, Caligula and I made a human train"
Lucifer
"-of 37-- -I'm not talking about sex, Lucifer."
Lucifer
"I'm talking..."
Lucifer
"about an emotional connection."
Lucifer
Show more clips