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Clips from BoJack Horseman - Stop the Presses (S03E03)

"You are a beautiful, sexy, fascinating, terrifying woman."
BoJack Horseman
"And you don't have to be, either."
BoJack Horseman
"Call up Turteltaub and tell him I won't be pushed around on this."
BoJack Horseman
"[cars honking]"
BoJack Horseman
"[Ana] Hmm..."
BoJack Horseman
"The sky is Secretariat? The sky wants you to nominate it for an Oscar?"
BoJack Horseman
"you see a reflection of the KIIS-FM billboard."
BoJack Horseman
"that's gonna-- That's gonna be a real problem."
BoJack Horseman
"-[sighing] -[bird screeching]"
BoJack Horseman
"♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪"
BoJack Horseman
"♪ BoJack ♪"
BoJack Horseman
"[mumbling]"
BoJack Horseman
"[gagging]"
BoJack Horseman
"Cabracadabra. We wanna reach out and grab you."
BoJack Horseman
"Don't put me on hold. Do you know who I am?"
BoJack Horseman
"Otherwise known as the guy you keep sending your dumb newspaper to"
BoJack Horseman
"even though I never subscribed to it."
BoJack Horseman
"I'm putting you on hold."
BoJack Horseman
"-[muttering] -[buzzing]"
BoJack Horseman
"-We have a situation, sir. -Talk to me."
BoJack Horseman
"Guy's name is BoJack Horseman. He's pretty steamed."
BoJack Horseman
"I've tried everything, but we might need to bring the Closer in on this one."
BoJack Horseman
"Did you offer 26 weeks at 50 percent off the newsstand price?"
BoJack Horseman
"What kind of monster says no to a tote bag? Good work, rep."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah, Got it. Right. I understand. I'll take it from here."
BoJack Horseman
"Is what I'd say if we needed God's help. Fortunately, we got one better."
BoJack Horseman
"We have a situation on line two. Name's Horseman. BoJack Horseman."
BoJack Horseman
"Thank you. I'll take it from here."
BoJack Horseman
"Hello, good morning, and I say this with 100 percent sincerity..."
BoJack Horseman
"I never subscribed to the L.A. Gazette. I do not read the L.A. Gazette."
BoJack Horseman
"I have called this number so many times to stop sending it to me."
BoJack Horseman
"Yet every morning, I open my door on a new edition of the L.A. Gazette."
BoJack Horseman
"It's like I'm in a boring episode of The Twilight Zone."
BoJack Horseman
"Sir, we are going to unravel this mystery."
BoJack Horseman
"But before we dig in, is there anything I can get you?"
BoJack Horseman
"A glass of ice water perhaps?"
BoJack Horseman
"-[drone whirring] -Uh... huh."
BoJack Horseman
"but there's no record of you ever registering a complaint."
BoJack Horseman
"the boy who lives with me used the paper to make a giant paper-mâché Todd head."
BoJack Horseman
"-What was that? -I live with my best friend, Todd."
BoJack Horseman
"Good kid, but sometimes he gets ideas to do things."
BoJack Horseman
"-Pretty scary, right? -Yes. What the hell is that?"
BoJack Horseman
"I've been working on him for the last six months."
BoJack Horseman
"What? Why?"
BoJack Horseman
"jostled me from tender slumber."
BoJack Horseman
"Uh..."
BoJack Horseman
"[gasping]"
BoJack Horseman
"If there's a ghost present, please do not scream"
BoJack Horseman
"Someone or something is stealing our food."
BoJack Horseman
"If I made a giant papier-mâché me head, would you stop eating my food?"
BoJack Horseman
"You should take this seriously. We might have an infestation."
BoJack Horseman
"No. Todd abandoned the project as soon as he started working on Cabracadabra."
BoJack Horseman
"-What's Cabracadabra? -That's what I said."
BoJack Horseman
"-What's Cabracadabra? -That's what I said."
BoJack Horseman
"-What's Cabracadabra? -That's what we want you to say."
BoJack Horseman
"If I didn't know any better, you were about to pitch an idea."
BoJack Horseman
"-To the opera, good sir. -Okay."
BoJack Horseman
"Am I watching to see if the whole thing has happened to me?"
BoJack Horseman
"-Or looking for one specific thing? -Kind of both."
BoJack Horseman
"So I just keep watching until I see something that has happened to me?"
BoJack Horseman
"-Yes. -What if we get to the end,"
BoJack Horseman
"none of it has ever happened to me?"
BoJack Horseman
"Maybe just try to put yourself in Emily's shoes right now."
BoJack Horseman
"Got it. Sorry for the interruption. Please continue."
BoJack Horseman
"-So, is this where you live? -Yes, it is."
BoJack Horseman
"-Alone or are you in a relationship? -This hardly seems appropriate."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah, Todd. What are you doing?"
BoJack Horseman
"Or repeated your address slowly, like he was trying to memorize it?"
BoJack Horseman
"-No, never. -Unfortunately, if you are a woman"
BoJack Horseman
"That's right, Todd. According to my own research,"
BoJack Horseman
"But what if there was a ride-share service that could guarantee"
BoJack Horseman
"no creepy men drivers because there are no men drivers at all?"
BoJack Horseman
"That could be a real headache."
BoJack Horseman
"Todd, you have done it again."
BoJack Horseman
"There's no room at Mr. Peanutbutter's house."
BoJack Horseman
"-Why? -Who can recall?"
BoJack Horseman
"I figure the longer they're there, the bigger the payoff."
BoJack Horseman
"And they've been sitting there for months now."
BoJack Horseman
"Hey, Todd, where do you want this...?"
BoJack Horseman
"[both] Uh..."
BoJack Horseman
"[BoJack] I felt guilty. [The Closer] About what?"
BoJack Horseman
"[BoJack] Todd had this old girlfriend. I met her a couple weeks back."
BoJack Horseman
"-What are you still doing up? -I got thirsty."
BoJack Horseman
"Should we call Todd, see if he wants to join us?"
BoJack Horseman
"I'm tired of trying to figure out what Todd wants."
BoJack Horseman
"And what do you want?"
BoJack Horseman
"-I'll start with a whiskey. -My kind of girl."
BoJack Horseman
"I was lonely? She was there? Why does anyone have sex with anyone?"
BoJack Horseman
"Please, continue your story."
BoJack Horseman
"[exhaling]"
BoJack Horseman
"Agreed. A wonderful, sexy mistake for you and a regular mistake for me."
BoJack Horseman
"No, it was a regular mistake for me, too."
BoJack Horseman
"-What are we gonna tell Todd? -Nothing, obviously."
BoJack Horseman
"-I don't want to hurt him. -Neither do I."
BoJack Horseman
"That feeling is you selfishly trying to assuage your guilt."
BoJack Horseman
"I'm not good at lying."
BoJack Horseman
"Not like there's any reason the three of us"
BoJack Horseman
"BoJack, you remember Emily, right?"
BoJack Horseman
"-I've never seen you before in my life. -No."
BoJack Horseman
"-You don't remember BoJack? -Oh, yeah. BoJack."
BoJack Horseman
"What... why... What are you here? Why are you doing at Todd's house?"
BoJack Horseman
"Todd's house? This is my house."
BoJack Horseman
"It's cool if we set up shop here, right? That's not gonna be weird?"
BoJack Horseman
"-What are you implying? -Nothing."
BoJack Horseman
"It's not weird for me either, if we're keeping track of weirdnesses."
BoJack Horseman
"I've got a nose for news."
BoJack Horseman
"for "What Is Going On?""
BoJack Horseman
"So let's solve for Nu, shall we?"
BoJack Horseman
"I think someone's not saying something to someone else about something."
BoJack Horseman
"Cabracadabra's going to be huge."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah. That is exactly what it is."
BoJack Horseman
"-Yes. -Glad that's out in the open."
BoJack Horseman
"We all know what everyone was thinking, we don't need to ask"
BoJack Horseman
"Nope."
BoJack Horseman
"If you'll excuse me, I need to go watch a sport."
BoJack Horseman
"Great idea."
BoJack Horseman
"Last week he said,"
BoJack Horseman
"Instead of saying, "Shut up, Todd," I said, "Okay.""
BoJack Horseman
"and you wanted to somehow externalize that feeling into action?"
BoJack Horseman
"you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you."
BoJack Horseman
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