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Clips from South Park - Douche and Turd (S08E08)

"Moooooooo!"
South Park
"Oh Jesus, not PETA again."
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"This is unfair to the cows! This is your insensitivity!"
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"EWWW!"
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"The cow is a slave! The cow is a commodity! To be thrown away by a society gone wrong!"
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"Go on, get outta here."
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"No, those are fine. PETA doesn't care about people."
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"We should secretly go around and tell all the students we can to not check any of"
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"the mmascots on this election sheet, and instead write in "Giant Douche. ""
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"Ye-heah!"
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"(Yeah, totally awesome!)"
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"the mascots on this election sheet, and instead write in "Turd Sandwich. ""
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"Kenny, what's funnier? A giant douche or a turd sandwich?"
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"Stan, do you pick giant douche or turd sandwich?"
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"That's two against one, 'cause Stan doesn't care. So it's giant douche."
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"Turhr... Ohokahay. Okay, now let's wait ten seconds."
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"Gee, th-they're both screamingly funny, fellas Uhhhbetter give it another ten seconds."
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"A giant douche."
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"Okay, I think, that's it. Number 2?"
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"But I guess I'll have to go with giant douche, simply because the fact that it's a giant renders it useless,"
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"adding a parody slant to the satire."
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"Okay. You win, Kyle."
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"And now your second nominee, Turd Sandwich."
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"Yeah!"
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"Cartman? What the hell??"
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"We've got spirit, yes we do! We are sandwiches filled with poo! Yeeaahhh!"
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"Dream on, Jew boy!"
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"Yeah, dream on, Jew boy!"
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"Kyle, aren't you taking this a little too far? I mean, do we really want a giant douche to be our school mascot?"
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"Stanley, do you know how many people died so you could have the right to vote?!"
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"Mom, a-I just don't think there's much of a difference between a douche and a turd. I d-I don't care."
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"Now get your big ass in the pollin' booth."
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"Hello, Clyde."
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"Clyde, are you aware of what Turd Sandwich can bring to our school?"
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"I thoght I was supposed to make my own decision."
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"Puffy!"
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"Don't let them intimidate you, Stan. I'll help walk you to the booth."
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"And then I'm gonna buy you a niiice steak dinner with all the trimmings."
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"We've simply had it with your son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh Voting just doesn't appear to be important to 'im."
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"Stanley, when you left for school this morning you said you were going to vote!"
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"The whole thing is a joke!"
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"You, Puffy man, are we just gonna let this happen?"
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"Goodbye, Stan."
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"Hello?"
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"Get offa him, you filthy human!"
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"You'er safe now."
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"The... kid wants to stay, too."
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"I was put on the horse. I didn't wanna ride it."
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"And why not? Mark here has been with Kelly for three years now."
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"Yes, life here is good and natural."
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"It's not up to you. You'll have to talk with Dr. Cornwallis."
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"He said I can stay."
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"And I would like to thank all of the students and their parents for coming."
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"You're a turd sandwich."
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"You're a turd sandwich."
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"I can't. I was banished for not voting."
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"But Stan, don't you know, it's always between a giant douche and a turd sandwich."
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"I... hope that teaches you a lesson about being hurt."
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"Itius, Rodicus!"
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"Vote or die!"
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"Janice, we shall die together in each other's arms!"
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"Kill me! Kill meee!!"
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"and a turd sandwich because it's usually the choice I'll have."
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"He's going to vote!!"
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"We've been given the right to choose between a douche and a turd."
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"Stan's vote bring the total votes for Turd Sandwich to... thirty six!"
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"Hey everybody!"
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"Now, your vote didn't matter."
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"WilLoW:...) 2005 Jan 23rd"
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"We are South Park, Green and White. Let's go, Cows! Fight fight fight!"
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"Nobody can beat a Cow! Let's gooo, South Park!"
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"Hey, South Park! Do you have school spirit?"
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"Yeah, and South Park is really gonna stick it to Littleton next week!"
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"Let's bring out our mascot and get this pep rally going!"
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"It's Billy! Uh, Billy will wave for me! Wave for me, Billy!"
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"We are People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals! We protest your insensitive use of cows as your school mascot!"
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"Cows are maimed and slaughtered and used as a commodity!"
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"All right, children, I have just been informed that since our school has been attacked"
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"by eco-terrorists for the 47th time, we are going to change our school mascot."
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"AWWWWWWWWW!!!"
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"Buh, Mr. Garrision, if we change our mascot that means the eco-terrorists win!"
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"That's right, Stanley, the eco-terrorists win."
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"Now, I have here a mascot selection sheet."
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"And the most popular selection will be the school's new mascot."
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"But we like being the Cows!"
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"You're responsible for the enslavement and genocide of millions!"
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"Get, get outta here, PETA! We're changin' the mascot already!"
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"Who'll speak for those who cannot speak for themselves??"
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"Go on, get, get outta here!"
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"Get, get out!"
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"Jesus, where do they keep coming from??"
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"This is bullcrap, dude!"
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"Now children, it's not that bad. There's plenty of great new mascots on the sheet to chose from."
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"The Hurricanes, the Blizzards, the Redskins, the Indians..."
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"But aren't Indians and Redskins just as offensive?"
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"Goddamnit PETAns piss me off! We're never gonna end up with a stupid eagle or a faggy bobcat as a mascot."
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"Wait. You guys, I have an awesome idea!"
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"Yeh- no, no, wait wait wait. I got a better idea you guys."
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"What we should do is we should secretly go around and tel all the sstudents we can to not check any of"
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"Turd Sandwich isn't better than Giant Douche."
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"Heh, it's only about a thousand times better, am I right guys?"
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"Come on! We have to tell everybody fast! This is gonna be soo funny!"
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"It was MY idea and we're gonna tell everyone to write in "Giant Douche!" It's way funnier!"
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"IT IS NOT!!!"
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"(Giant douche.)"
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"Aw, you're just saying that because I broke your cat's leg last week."
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"Dude, I really don't care."
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"...Wait wait, what about Butters?"
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"Huh?"
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"You hate Butters."
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"Goddamnit you guys, Butters is our friend! And he's allowed to have his opinion!"
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"Butters which is funnier? A stupid not-funny giant douche or a super funny turd sandwich?"
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"Hahaa, a turd sandwich!"
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"You misled him, fat ass!"
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"It's the best choice, and me and Butters are sticking with it."
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"Jimmy, we're gonna have everyone write in a mascot that's really funny,"
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"and you have to tell us which one would be funnier.."
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"That"s a... fantastic idea fellas. Uh, the key to successful humor is s- staying power. Uh tell me the first mascot idea."
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"A giant douche."
South Park
"Heh, huh okay, that's pretty funny. Now, what's the second?"
South Park
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