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Clips from 30 Rock - Christmas Attack Zone (S05E05)

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry."
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"Now there are three people here that are mad at Colleen!"
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"Wait, this is Avery?"
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"How could that woman not adore such a beautiful daughter-in-law?"
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"By the way, we have a tradition in my family"
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"You are not going to ambush an old woman"
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"for the mistakes that she has made."
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"I once French-kissed a dog at a party"
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"to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12-year-old."
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"Lemon, we all know what mistakes are!"
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"These stairs are weird!"
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"Mother!"
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"Dinner is ready!"
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"What are you doing here, sir?"
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"I wasn't setting this up because I'm spending Christmas at work."
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"I certainly wasn't going to pretend those trash cans were my parents."
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"All the big actors do charity work on Christmas Eve."
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"to benefit the victims of his own mood swings."
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"So what are you doing, sir?"
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"Screening my very sad movie, "Hard to Watch","
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"at a women's shelter."
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"I hate seeing you like this, sir."
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"People only take you seriously if you're serious."
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"But comedy is just as important as drama."
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"People need to laugh, especially in these tough times."
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"Except for insulin, spironolactone, and bupropion,"
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"which I have for you whenever you're ready, sir."
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"that my bastard grandchild will come in."
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"My gift to you is the feeling of superiority you'll have"
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"for the next two seconds."
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"Is she drunk, Jack?"
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"one bottle of wine a day and that's it."
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"Mother, you must remember Milton Greene."
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"Why would you bring him here?"
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"Oh, I see."
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"You're trying to make me look like the bad guy, is that it?"
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"You are the bad guy! You kept me from my son for 50 years!"
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"You didn't miss much."
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"From Elvis Costello!"
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"All that time lost because of you and your pride."
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"and road trips in my VW van!"
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"Who do you think you are?"
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"Merry Christmas!"
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"Jenna, this dinner is a disaster."
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"I just came up with the perfect..."
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"...couple's costume for New Queer's Eve"
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"and I can't use it because of stupid Paul!"
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"You know what?"
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"is because I didn't want any drama!"
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"First from these jagwagons, and now you!"
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"Paul is the reason you're upset. It's not about this party..."
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"It's about the party!"
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"I want to eat shrimp off an old gay dressed as Baby New Year!"
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"Just thinking about my next move."
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"No, no, what next move?"
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"Welcome to my Christmas Attack Zone."
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"A man is talking."
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"You're gonna see poverty, drug abuse,"
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"and a bunch of babies having a hammer fight in a dumpster."
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"He rode over here with us. You talked to him the whole ride."
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"What are you doing?"
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""A long time ago"? You just got here."
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"I give you "The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas"!"
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"Damn Christmas lights blew a fuse..."
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"Well, this has turned out to be the opposite of what I wanted"
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"and I'm gonna leave before anything else happens."
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"Do you have shortness of breath?"
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"Are you sweating? Do you have neck or jaw pain?"
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"I've had a couple rich men die on top of me."
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"sitting on my chest."
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"We should call an ambulance."
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"What's the matter with you? Your mother is not well!"
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"Can't you see that she's faking, Milton!"
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"There! Did anybody see that?"
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"Listen to me, damn it, I'm a doctor!"
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"Of history!"
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"In what emergency would you be necessary?"
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"If someone wanted to know whether the '60s were awesome or not?"
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"Little Colleen."
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"Seems like people are back on my side, Jackie."
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"Paul. My ex-lover."
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"Can I get you a cup of coffee or an absinthe enema?"
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"I just wanted to let you know"
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"Maybe we should just say them at the same time"
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"Well, it is a Druid Solstice miracle that it wasn't a heart attack."
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"And the reason that it happened"
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"is that we were not being honest with each other."
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"So from now on, no more secrets."
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"I have a crush on the Mentalist..."
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"Just family only, Lemon! Damn it!"
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"There is one more secret Jack and I have been keeping from all of you."
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"but now we want you all to come."
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"Oh, how wonderful!"
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"You know what I learned tonight?"
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"As hard as you try,"
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"no one can escape the horror of Christmas."
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"and I should be home"
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"just in time for Aunt Linda to try to prove that she's sober"
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"Everything I've ever done in life has been to protect you."
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"it's because I want your life to be perfect."
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"- Unlike mine. - Don't let him off the hook, Colleen."
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"What he did tonight was wrong and he owes you an apology."
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"And using your father like that is so disrespectful."
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"Your mother and I are very disappointed in you, Jack!"
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"What are you smiling at, you fruitcake?"
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"Milton, the Clinton boom years were just an after-effect of Reaganomics."
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"- Fascist pig! - What happened to the heart attack?"
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"Let me tell you about this talk about Reaganomics..."
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"Long lay the world"
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"A thrill of hope"
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"For yonder brakes"
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"A new and glorious morn"
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"Oh, hear the angel voices"
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"Oh, night devine"
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"Oh, night when Christ was born"
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"The stars are brightly shining"
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"Merry Christmas from the Chucks!"
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"- Merry Christmas Eve Eve, Jack. - Likewise, Lemon."
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"Do you want to go to the Penn Station K-Mart with me"
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"Well, if you're around, come by for dinner."
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