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Clips from NewsRadio - Kids (S03E03)

Sure. Great.

"Sure. Great."

NewsRadio

No, you have to, um,

"No, you have to, um,"

NewsRadio

Golf?

"Golf?"

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Why golf?

"Why golf?"

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Oh, Beth, I need to talk to you about-- Oh!

"Oh, Beth, I need to talk to you about-- Oh!"

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DAVE: I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. Gosh.

"DAVE: I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. Gosh."

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Oh, nothing. Uh-- MATTHEW: Quite a spill.

"Oh, nothing. Uh-- MATTHEW: Quite a spill."

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I don't know. MATTHEW: You sure you're okay?

"I don't know. MATTHEW: You sure you're okay?"

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[GROANS]

"[GROANS]"

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[LAUGHING] I'm sorry.

"[LAUGHING] I'm sorry."

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I'm just loving that it wasn't me this time.

"I'm just loving that it wasn't me this time."

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I'm the one always flipping and tripping and--

"I'm the one always flipping and tripping and--"

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Uh, uh--

"Uh, uh--"

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[HORNS HONKING]

"[HORNS HONKING]"

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Y-you can't leave this sort of thing lying around.

"Y-you can't leave this sort of thing lying around."

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Bill, do you hear me?

"Bill, do you hear me?"

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Yes, of course, but this isn't mine.

"Yes, of course, but this isn't mine."

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But this most certainly does not belong

"But this most certainly does not belong"

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What were you guys talking about?

"What were you guys talking about?"

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Nothing. Come on, Dave.

"Nothing. Come on, Dave."

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No, look-- It was--

"No, look-- It was--"

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It was really nothing.

"It was really nothing."

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I just had to get something, uh, organized.

"I just had to get something, uh, organized."

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with a charitable organization

"with a charitable organization"

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A mentor to a group of young students

"A mentor to a group of young students"

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They're just bright, motivated kids who could learn a lot

"They're just bright, motivated kids who could learn a lot"

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Uh, fine by me. Let's give it a shot.

"Uh, fine by me. Let's give it a shot."

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How about right now? Come on in, gang.

"How about right now? Come on in, gang."

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Sir, I thought they'd be a little older.

"Sir, I thought they'd be a little older."

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when I met you, Dave.

"when I met you, Dave."

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JIMMY: Ah. There it is.

"JIMMY: Ah. There it is."

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helping the kids out and all, but... Yup.

"helping the kids out and all, but... Yup."

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...we really could have used a little more advance notice.

"...we really could have used a little more advance notice."

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Mumbo jumbo? No.

"Mumbo jumbo? No."

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Uh, gobbledygook? No.

"Uh, gobbledygook? No."

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Absolutely not. But you get the picture.

"Absolutely not. But you get the picture."

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W-what? Just pay attention, all right?

"W-what? Just pay attention, all right?"

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Hey, what's up? Hi, Joe.

"Hey, what's up? Hi, Joe."

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Yeah. You know what?

"Yeah. You know what?"

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I think I might have the, uh-- The item over here.

"I think I might have the, uh-- The item over here."

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I'm teaching little Greg about duct tape.

"I'm teaching little Greg about duct tape."

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a long time before you were born by somebody really smart.

"a long time before you were born by somebody really smart."

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I mean, y-you seem uncomfortable.

"I mean, y-you seem uncomfortable."

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Don't worry, Dave.

"Don't worry, Dave."

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No. It's not mine though. Hey, I don't-- I don't care.

"No. It's not mine though. Hey, I don't-- I don't care."

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Educational imperatives?

"Educational imperatives?"

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Yeah, well...

"Yeah, well..."

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And then I give them to Mr. McNeal or Ms. Duke,

"And then I give them to Mr. McNeal or Ms. Duke,"

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Some other boring stuff?

"Some other boring stuff?"

NewsRadio

I come in the next day and do it all again.

"I come in the next day and do it all again."

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And then the day after that,

"And then the day after that,"

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30 or 40 years have gone by.

"30 or 40 years have gone by."

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So?

"So?"

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God--

"God--"

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I'd like you to arbitrate. Uh, what is it?

"I'd like you to arbitrate. Uh, what is it?"

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Did so. Did not.

"Did so. Did not."

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Thank you. Now they are mine.

"Thank you. Now they are mine."

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This is so unfair.

"This is so unfair."

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No, but you're close.

"No, but you're close."

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But can I look at it?

"But can I look at it?"

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and I-- I love kids.

"and I-- I love kids."

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I never got an A in my life.

"I never got an A in my life."

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Well, maybe you never had the right teacher.

"Well, maybe you never had the right teacher."

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Hey, Rod man, everything come out okay?

"Hey, Rod man, everything come out okay?"

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That's a washroom attendant.

"That's a washroom attendant."

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but you do have to wash your hands.

"but you do have to wash your hands."

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isn't that right, Mr. James?

"isn't that right, Mr. James?"

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like a coal miner.

"like a coal miner."

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porn mags...

"porn mags..."

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DAVE: Joe, why is that kid duct-taped to your back?

"DAVE: Joe, why is that kid duct-taped to your back?"

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David, I didn't do it. Okay? [BILL SNAPS]

"David, I didn't do it. Okay? [BILL SNAPS]"

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Hey, Dave, could you go over something--?

"Hey, Dave, could you go over something--?"

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I'm-- I'm sorry. What are you doing?

"I'm-- I'm sorry. What are you doing?"

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[CHUCKLES]

"[CHUCKLES]"

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Dave doesn't have an inappropriate bone in his body.

"Dave doesn't have an inappropriate bone in his body."

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I don't know. Who knows? I mean,

"I don't know. Who knows? I mean,"

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with a nice workplace ethics manual

"with a nice workplace ethics manual"

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inappropriate bones? BETH: What?

"inappropriate bones? BETH: What?"

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Are you sure you're aware

"Are you sure you're aware"

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of all of Dave's bedtime reading material?

"of all of Dave's bedtime reading material?"

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Me neither. But I think you just broke my hand.

"Me neither. But I think you just broke my hand."

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Doesn't mean that you're not

"Doesn't mean that you're not"

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All right, Beth,

"All right, Beth,"

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Oh.

"Oh."

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Fine. What word would you like to use?

"Fine. What word would you like to use?"

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It's none our business. How about, apples?

"It's none our business. How about, apples?"

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Anyway, all I'm saying is,

"Anyway, all I'm saying is,"

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Why don't we just-- Beth's right.

"Why don't we just-- Beth's right."

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I mean, there's a world out there

"I mean, there's a world out there"

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every now and then.

"every now and then."

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Uh-- They're not mine.

"Uh-- They're not mine."

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The porn mags. Oh, those.

"The porn mags. Oh, those."

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That's okay. It's just-- It's healthy.

"That's okay. It's just-- It's healthy."

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and I put them there so no one would be offended.

"and I put them there so no one would be offended."

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Oh, Dave, this is embarrassing enough for me as it is.

"Oh, Dave, this is embarrassing enough for me as it is."

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Mr. James is successful

"Mr. James is successful"

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because he worked harder, and he learned--

"because he worked harder, and he learned--"

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But, uh, once you got a lot of money, uh,

"But, uh, once you got a lot of money, uh,"

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Help me out with Rodney. Mm-hmm.

"Help me out with Rodney. Mm-hmm."

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without you contradicting every single thing I say.

"without you contradicting every single thing I say."

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Kids believe that kind of crap, right?

"Kids believe that kind of crap, right?"

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I've got an easier solution.

"I've got an easier solution."

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Lay it on me, teach.

"Lay it on me, teach."

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And take your elbows off the table.

"And take your elbows off the table."

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And don't say hell.

"And don't say hell."

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BETH: Dave! Sorry.

"BETH: Dave! Sorry."

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I don't see why I have to be dragged into it.

"I don't see why I have to be dragged into it."

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It's not filthy, Lisa.

"It's not filthy, Lisa."

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It's perfectly natural.

"It's perfectly natural."

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If a man doesn't look at those,

"If a man doesn't look at those,"

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Look, I don't care who it is, just own up to it.

"Look, I don't care who it is, just own up to it."

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Lisa thinks they're mine.

"Lisa thinks they're mine."

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Or the guy who sits by him?

"Or the guy who sits by him?"

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Or the girl--

"Or the girl--"

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to be a private sanctuary where I can escape

"to be a private sanctuary where I can escape"

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from all those horrid little people whose names I don't know.

"from all those horrid little people whose names I don't know."

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but you know what...

"but you know what..."

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Just as long as my trusting girlfriend knows it isn't me.

"Just as long as my trusting girlfriend knows it isn't me."

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What if we didn't do it?

"What if we didn't do it?"

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No. I mean, pornography.

"No. I mean, pornography."

NewsRadio

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