Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from The Ranch - Some People Change (S01E01)

"You know, in 8th grade, I used your toothbrush to scrub my balls."
The Ranch
"Well, there he is. We thought you were out for the night."
The Ranch
"Dad was gonna put a blanket on you,"
The Ranch
"- What time is it? - 6:30."
The Ranch
"You guys already ate? You couldn't have woke me?"
The Ranch
"We eat dinner at 6:00."
The Ranch
"I got a lot of things to do around here,"
The Ranch
"waking a grown man from his nap isn't one of them."
The Ranch
"Well, I could have, but this way I got two steaks for dinner."
The Ranch
"Plus, I got to hear Dad make fun of your nap for dessert. So..."
The Ranch
"The meat's gone."
The Ranch
"There's a baked potato and half a scoop of beans there."
The Ranch
"The meat's gone?"
The Ranch
"Hey, we working on the barn again tomorrow?"
The Ranch
"We'll get the paper and the shingles on in the morning."
The Ranch
"see if that storm knocked any limbs down."
The Ranch
"- Mmm-hmm. - That ain't even a half a scoop."
The Ranch
"Don't touch that ham bone. It's for the dog."
The Ranch
"Better question would be why I allow you and Rooster in the house."
The Ranch
"Friendly fire there, Eagle."
The Ranch
"It's beaver hunting season."
The Ranch
"Oh, man, am I full. I should not have eaten that second steak."
The Ranch
"Hey, Dad, uh, I was thinking, since we're re-doing the barn roof,"
The Ranch
"we could run a drain pipe down to a cistern, catch the run-off."
The Ranch
"That's a great idea."
The Ranch
"- Thank you. - Rooster and I were just discussing"
The Ranch
"Unless you got any more ideas, I got bills to pay."
The Ranch
"Uh, actually... I got another idea."
The Ranch
"I could set you up so you could pay those bills online."
The Ranch
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pull back, man. Abort."
The Ranch
"Why would I put my bankin' info online?"
The Ranch
"So half the population of China can pay their bills with it, too?"
The Ranch
"Rooster, go grab a pen and draw that dick on your brother's head."
The Ranch
"Hey, sweetheart."
The Ranch
"Hello to you, my sweet Margaret."
The Ranch
"I was talking to my son."
The Ranch
"Worth a shot."
The Ranch
"Give me a whiskey the size you'd need if you were still living with Dad."
The Ranch
"- Rough day with him? - Actually, I didn't see him all day."
The Ranch
"He was up in the loft with Rooster. I was scooping shit with Pedro's shovel."
The Ranch
"Now my back is killing me. I don't know who this Pedro guy was..."
The Ranch
"must've been a very short man."
The Ranch
"So just to be clear,"
The Ranch
"sweetheart is always in reference to him?"
The Ranch
"Did I ever tell you about the first date I ever had with your father?"
The Ranch
"We worked all day, had dinner, promptly at 6:00."
The Ranch
"I didn't even know it was a date until he said..."
The Ranch
"You wanna stay for breakfast?"
The Ranch
"So, what're you saying? Dad's always been a jackass?"
The Ranch
"No, my point is that every relationship with your father"
The Ranch
"begins with hard work on the ranch."
The Ranch
"And that he's, you know, always been kind of a jackass."
The Ranch
"Wow, look at you."
The Ranch
"Abby. Hey."
The Ranch
"Standing at a bar with a bottle of whiskey in your hand."
The Ranch
"- Hey, Mrs. Bennett. - Hey, darlin'."
The Ranch
"No!"
The Ranch
"- What can I get for you, Abby? - Oh, just a water."
The Ranch
"Water?"
The Ranch
"Huh. Well, let me check in the back."
The Ranch
"Crazy seeing you."
The Ranch
"- Yeah. - You look great."
The Ranch
"- Oh. - Uh, what you been up to?"
The Ranch
"Well, I'm teaching history over at Garrison."
The Ranch
"- Really? - Oh, and a couple times a year,"
The Ranch
"I put a condom on a banana."
The Ranch
"Right."
The Ranch
"Sex ed?"
The Ranch
"Why..."
The Ranch
"All right."
The Ranch
"So how about you? What are you up to?"
The Ranch
"Me? Come on. I'm great! Yeah."
The Ranch
"I was playing football, at the top of my game, and then..."
The Ranch
"so I, uh, decided it was time to be MVP of life and not just football."
The Ranch
"Still full of shit, huh?"
The Ranch
"Wow. A Colt Bennett without football."
The Ranch
"That's like the Battle of Hastings without the death of King Edward."
The Ranch
"Right?"
The Ranch
"Right."
The Ranch
"Is that, like, a Game of Thrones thing?"
The Ranch
"Are you serious?"
The Ranch
"No."
The Ranch
"I was just kidding like you did with the banana thing."
The Ranch
"It really is good seeing you again."
The Ranch
"You, too."
The Ranch
"Holy cow!"
The Ranch
"Colt Bennett!"
The Ranch
"Hey, buddy. I'll sign something for you in a second."
The Ranch
"I'm just catching up with an old friend here."
The Ranch
"No, actually, this is my boyfriend, Kenny."
The Ranch
"Hey, nice to meet you, bud."
The Ranch
"Colt, don't you remember? He went to Garrison with us."
The Ranch
"Kenny! Yeah!"
The Ranch
"Third period! It's... Biology?"
The Ranch
"It's okay. We didn't really hang in the same circles."
The Ranch
"My big thing was band."
The Ranch
"Oh, band! Yeah, cool!"
The Ranch
"Heck yeah, you guys used to play Eye of the Tiger"
The Ranch
"when we came out of the tunnel."
The Ranch
"Well, Kenny is the manager of the Courtyard by Marriott in Telluride."
The Ranch
"Well, uh, technically, we're outside of Telluride,"
The Ranch
"You would not believe the discounts he gets."
The Ranch
"I mean, last year we went to Omaha."
The Ranch
"Just because."
The Ranch
"How do you even get a job like that?"
The Ranch
"I started out as a bellhop, and I just worked my way up."
The Ranch
"Most folks think you need a degree, but, really, it's all about people skills."
The Ranch
"The key word in hospitality management is hospitality."
The Ranch
"But it's also management."
The Ranch
"Oh, uh, sweetie, before I forget, I, uh..."
The Ranch
"The Marriott?"
The Ranch
"Dude!"
The Ranch
"Thank you."
The Ranch
"Shoot, you know what? I just realized I got my old man's truck,"
The Ranch
"so I gotta get it back before it gets too late."
The Ranch
"Oh, uh... okay. Are you sure?"
The Ranch
"Yeah."
The Ranch
"It's nice to see you, Abby. You too, Kenny."
The Ranch
"Yeah, hey, uh, if you ever get sick of staying at home,"
The Ranch
"Marriott's got 4,200 locations worldwide."
The Ranch
Show more clips