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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Charles Aznavour (S01E01)

"It's The Muppet Show,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ To introduce to you"
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"(♪ medley of songs from "West Side Story" by Bernstein and Sondheim)"
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"Be still, my aching heart."
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"♪ Such a pretty smile ♪ Such a pretty me"
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"♪ And entrancing"
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"(mumbles)"
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"Van Gogh impressions. Oh."
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"I've noticed that I haven't been on... onstage"
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"Good observation. Yeah, well..."
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"Kermit, I have a lot of fans out there, see,"
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"Yeah."
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"Thank goodness for that."
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"(inhaling) ...the continuing story of a former orthopedic surgeon"
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"I hope no one hears about this, Dr. Bob."
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"I get it!"
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"so thank you for having this supper sent in for me."
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"It is my pleasure."
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"It's everything that you ordered."
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"Oh. Do you like Kipling?"
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"Oh, I love it. More! More!"
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"1, 2, 3, dip. (thud)"
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"♪ If I could only know"
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"♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor"
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"♪ On the bedpost overnight?"
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"♪ To send their honored son"
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"♪ To the White House"
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"♪ To voice their discontent"
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"♪ Unto the president"
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"♪ Upon the burning question"
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"The question is, how do you drive a baby buggy?"
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"I don't know. How do you drive a baby buggy?"
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"You tickle its feet!"
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"♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor"
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"♪ I told you that I love you, and I wanna hold you tight"
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"♪ He'd sing another chorus, but he hasn't got the time"
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"Hey, listen. Can I ask you a question? Of course."
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"Vous savez, votre carter a une fuite"
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"I just met the girl of my dreams."
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"Oh, Piggy?"
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"(mumbles)"
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"What do I do when I get out there?"
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"She didn't mean keep your head down."
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"Hop, hop. (Mildred) Oh, no."
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"What is this man doing?"
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"This can't be happening."
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"Of course, he could enroll, yes, yes, yes."
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"See how it buried... me?"
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"Right, boss. Oh, by the way... What?"
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"Oh, yeah? How come?"
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"♪ Inchworm"
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"♪ How beautiful they are"
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"♪ You and your arithmetic"
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"♪ Mm, inchworm"
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"the first chance I ever had to make friends with a loaf of bread."
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"I suggest that we look carefully at what's before us"
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"and break it down into separate pieces."
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"Check. (clears throat)"
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"Ow! (all shout)"
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"Heavens to the Betsy. He means the question."
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"Yes, but we should be looking for the answer."
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"Yes."
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"Well, I'll look under the table."
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"Oh, leave him there. It's best, believe me."
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"Well, as to man's role in the universe,"
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"I don't think he can. Can what?"
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"I don't think he can roll in the universe."
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"I mean, he's not round enough to roll."
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"But you can't enroll in the universe."
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"No, but you can enroll in the university. Y..."
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"A little Hilda ha-ha there. Very little."
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"Yeah, hey, but, listen,"
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"aren't we ever gonna find any answers? Yes, yes."
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"Well, there aren't any under the table, that's for sure."
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"Will you knock it off? Knock it off?"
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"Ow!"
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"(all argue)"
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"Well, tune in next week, when our distinguished panel"
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"will discuss the burning question, "What are we doing here?""
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"Stay away..."
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"Get away!"
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"Ladies and gentlemen, when I say the words "great comedy,""
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"it can only mean one thing,"
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"so let's really hear it for Fozzie Bear."
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"Yeah, thank you, thank you. Please don't. Stop."
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"Please don't... stop. Please don't stop!"
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"Ha-ha!"
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"Oh, I can see you're all in a great mood tonight."
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"Ho-ho-ho."
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"I could bury you guys with one line. OK, what's the line?"
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"Uh... uh..."
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"Y-Y-You just wait. Is that the line?"
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"(laughs)"
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"Of course it's not the line."
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"Look, look, I'm gonna tell a joke, and if they heckle..."
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"If you heckle me, look out, 'cause I'm ready."
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"Just look out."
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"That's all I can say, just look out. Look out. That's all I can say."
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"I learned to handle hecklers by working in a nightclub so tough"
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"the hatcheck girl was a gorilla."
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"There were more people in the band than in the audience,"
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"and we had a one-man band."
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"Uh, uh... I remember when..."
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"Hey, hey, how come you guys aren't heckling me?"
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"We love it. That's funny stuff. Funny."
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"Yeah, topical. Hip."
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"Oh, oh. Well, well, well..."
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"At this nightclub, a party of 75 came in..."
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"(both) A lonely old lady, but she didn't drink much."
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"Great. And I wouldn't say conditions at the club were bad,"
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"but when we asked where we could take a bath..."
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"...the manager ran us through the carwash next door."
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"Hey, fellas."
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"Hey, you guys, will you please..."
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"Please, please. We work alone."
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"Aha, aha!"
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"Maybe we oughta go on the stage."
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"Yes. There's one leaving in five minutes."
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"Be under it."
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"Don't heckle me, you old fool. Heckle him."
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