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Clips from American Dad! - Dope and Faith (S03E03)

"- Mouth shut, nose in the Bible. - Really?"
American Dad!
"- Amen. - Amen."
American Dad!
"Now let's raffle off his stuff!"
American Dad!
"...he'd run the universe like a vending machine, where you put in a prayer..."
American Dad!
"God is my co-pilot..."
American Dad!
"More nuts, Mary."
American Dad!
"Don't worry, Francine. I'm not a millionaire."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna make out with the deaf girl..."
American Dad!
"She'll reject me, but for the rest of my life..."
American Dad!
"And he didn't even realize. He's like America, the guy."
American Dad!
"But I gotta have friends."
American Dad!
"...but they go to lunch and stuff."
American Dad!
"As long as you stand near bright lights and avoid cedar."
American Dad!
"Wait a minute. Of course I have a friend: My boss."
American Dad!
"I do not choose to discuss it."
American Dad!
"Steve, before she tells you your future, let me tell you her past."
American Dad!
"Forty years of alcoholism and three doctorless abortions."
American Dad!
"You're just jealous because I'm special and you're not."
American Dad!
"The problem is the liberals' generous social programs."
American Dad!
"Like a morally justified lethal injection."
American Dad!
"Most people just think I'm intolerant and judgmental."
American Dad!
"I guess that's why God in his infinite..."
American Dad!
"And we're both godless heathens. Wait, that's just you!"
American Dad!
"Fine. I don't need science."
American Dad!
"- Stan, please let go of my hand. - I will not."
American Dad!
"The 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team?"
American Dad!
"But it's completely explainable by natural laws."
American Dad!
"- I know it doesn't look like much, but... - You Muggles."
American Dad!
"...when some crack whore throws you off her porch?"
American Dad!
"You'll probably turn out to be a good guy."
American Dad!
"He who shall not be named."
American Dad!
"This is Hoppy. He knows what to do."
American Dad!
"Is that a spell?"
American Dad!
"Let me out of here."
American Dad!
"Unspeakable things."
American Dad!
"Look, Stan, I like that you're close-minded."
American Dad!
"Oh, Father Donovan. Right this way."
American Dad!
"I'm having a spiritual crisis."
American Dad!
"Now he's gonna burn in hell for all eternity."
American Dad!
"So am I gonna see some jugs, or am I wasting my time here?"
American Dad!
"Is there a freaking pineapple embargo or what?"
American Dad!
"What the hell is that?"
American Dad!
"Look, I've been acting like a jackass."
American Dad!
"It was ridiculous of me to think we had to agree about every little thing."
American Dad!
"And as a token of my unconditional friendship, I wanna give you this."
American Dad!
"Closer."
American Dad!
"Oh, yeah. Wow, that was lucky."
American Dad!
"That is so ignorant. You don't become a lesbian."
American Dad!
"It's not like someone shot a beam into my head..."
American Dad!
"...and suddenly I'm gay."
American Dad!
"My God. Brett, no! Wait there. I'm coming!"
American Dad!
"Hello, Sharper lmage?"
American Dad!
"I wanted to practice potions at home, so I borrowed some supplies."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God. What did you do?"
American Dad!
"Hey, look who's here. Professor!"
American Dad!
"You. You put him up to this?"
American Dad!
"I'm amazingly focused right now."
American Dad!
"That's right."
American Dad!
"Come on, Brett. You can pull out of this."
American Dad!
"I'm so sorry. I was just trying to get you to turn to God."
American Dad!
"- Really? - Yes. I actually met him."
American Dad!
"That's where I met the devil, who agreed to let me come back to life..."
American Dad!
"Now, Brett, you know you've suffered some massive head trauma."
American Dad!
"And so we say goodbye to Walter Ellis."
American Dad!
"Good old 5-foot-11 Walter."
American Dad!
"Who could forget his..."
American Dad!
"...blue eyes and brown hair?"
American Dad!
"And some kind of striped shirt with maybe something written on it?"
American Dad!
"Even Father Donovan can't remember who this poor schlub was."
American Dad!
"You will be respectful in the house of the Lord."
American Dad!
"Look at Steve. He's a good Christian."
American Dad!
"Of course. He's reading the glorious passage..."
American Dad!
"...where Dumbledore makes the candles float in the cafeteria."
American Dad!
"Deuteronomy."
American Dad!
"And so we'll certainly miss our dear old friend Walter..."
American Dad!
"Oh, I totally want that."
American Dad!
"Dear Lord, please make my ticket the winner."
American Dad!
"Oh, and now you'll win? Even if there was a God, I doubt..."
American Dad!
"- Six four one. - Yes! Thank you, Jesus."
American Dad!
"...and the Virgin Mary is my hot stewardess."
American Dad!
"I'm just taking my paddleboat out on her maiden voyage..."
American Dad!
"...and you're coming with me."
American Dad!
"I would, Stan, but Linda and I are going to the mall..."
American Dad!
"...to watch Mexican babies get their ears pierced."
American Dad!
"- Fine. How about it, Steve? - Steve and I are going to the carnival."
American Dad!
"...who runs the Tilt-A-Whirl."
American Dad!
"...carnivals will always have a sad magic about them."
American Dad!
"If anybody ever writes a book about Doug Henning, that's your title."
American Dad!
"- Hayley, I guess it's you and... - No."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God. Stan has no friends."
American Dad!
"What are you talking about? Of course I have friends."
American Dad!
"Stan, honey, you don't."
American Dad!
"Even child molesters have friends."
American Dad!
"I mean, they're usually other child molesters..."
American Dad!
"Well, look at that. The moth can be your friend."
American Dad!
"Well, for starters, you're an intolerant, judgmental extremist."
American Dad!
"And I'm gonna go see him right now."
American Dad!
"Sorry, I was only half paying attention to all that."
American Dad!
"Is Dad a millionaire?"
American Dad!
"- Yes? - It's Smith, sir."
American Dad!
"...you might like to hang out."
American Dad!
"Sir, I can actually see you through the window."
American Dad!
"You spent all your money trying to win a hat with antlers?"
American Dad!
"I see a very lucky boy."
American Dad!
"You are a sad, angry little person."
American Dad!
"- That's uncanny. - What would you like to know?"
American Dad!
"Yes. You are special. I see it."
American Dad!
""Regular"? Oh, Steven. I am going to hurt you so bad."
American Dad!
"I got a question about the future. You see yourself taking a shower ever?"
American Dad!
"...new sandwich ideas, I wanted to ask you something."
American Dad!
"Am I a loser? Because I don't have any friends."
American Dad!
"I mean, I just want someone who wants to hang out with me, you know?"
American Dad!
"Someone I have something in common with."
American Dad!
"Is that your Eager Beaver 350 out front? That paddleboat is a sweet machine."
American Dad!
"- Brett Morris. - Stan Smith. So you like paddleboats?"
American Dad!
"Damn right. I think it's because they remind me of a better time..."
American Dad!
"...when white males had all the power instead of just most of it."
American Dad!
"I hate how we only have most of the power."
American Dad!
"Exactly. They've turned us into a nation of wimpy..."
American Dad!
"...when I saw what looked like a magical owl fly by, and..."
American Dad!
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