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Clips from Veep - Camp David (S05E05)

"- SELINA: Hey, girlies. - CATHERINE: Mom."
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"- Yes, honey? - I want you to open your gift."
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"Since technically it's early Christmas Eve, I got you something."
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"What have we got here?"
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"Oh."
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"It was used in 1907 at the Second Hague Convention."
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"And I figured you could use it to sign important peace treaties"
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"It's actually lovely, Catherine."
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"Amex gave me this crazy new card that's made out of black metal."
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"mommy-daughter bond that you and I share."
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"- So good. - I have an idea."
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"Marjorie, why don't you open my gift?"
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"Marjorie's part of the family now, aren't you, pal?"
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"- Yeah. - Yeah."
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"- It's beautiful. - Stuck in security."
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"- I got the tracking number. - Okay. Let's see what you got."
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"Ah, it's an old book."
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"- Do you like it? - I am overcome with emotion."
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"Oh, my God."
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"It's a first edition Gertrude Stein."
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"That's Marjorie's favorite poet."
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"I listen."
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"SELINA: I'm going to put this someplace special."
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"- Hey. - Hi."
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"I noticed two golf carts filled with Asian people."
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"- Yeah, we should go. - That's the kitchen crew and the chef."
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"- They wear really nice suits. - Yeah."
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"Me, too."
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"- SELINA: Yeah."
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"- Yeah. Oh. - (SPEAKING MANDARIN)"
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"This is President Lu Chi-Jang..."
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"Studied chemical engineering."
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"He's currently on his second wife, he enjoys tennis."
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"...paramount leader of the People's Republic of China."
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"- This is Zhang Shengxi. - He collects art."
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"This is Xao Jintong, 1st Rank Vice Premier..."
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"London School of Economics."
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"He enjoys fly fishing and his favorite snack is freeze-dried strawberries."
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"Thank you. I didn't get any of that except strawberries."
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"- Okay. - ...the exchanging of gifts."
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"This is a depiction of the most popular"
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"children's cartoon character in China, Sad Piglet."
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"It looks just like my daughter Catherine."
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"Huh?"
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"and this is a piglet."
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"Believe me, if you say SeaWorld to Catherine"
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"Your generosity is overwhelming."
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"- And so... - This is..."
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"This is exquisite and I really hope that's all."
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"- (LAUGHS) - (TRANSLATOR SPEAKING MANDARIN)"
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"- And now our gifts for you. - (TRANSLATING)"
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"This is an American geode,"
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"that we have between our two countries."
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"And it sparkles like we hope"
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"Thank you for this rock."
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"Oh."
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"Um, and this wine"
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"from Napa Valley, California."
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"And this additional wine, also from a local vineyard"
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"in, uh, New Zealand,"
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"which is local to us"
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"and it's also close to Asia,"
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"as we are all local friends."
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"- Thank you. - She's just being polite."
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"- President Lu does not drink. - Oh, God."
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"A very meaningful and historic pen"
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"from the Second Hague Conference of 1907."
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"Gary, the box."
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"- What? Really? - Yes."
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"- Oh! - This is a very worthy gift."
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"- It signifies prosperity and good luck. - Oh, great."
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"Hmm?"
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"They say you look like a prisoner"
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"or a pirate."
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"SELINA: Why did Menopause not warn us"
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"that the Chinese were going to out gift us like that?"
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"- (PHONE BUZZES) - Our intel suggested they hated you."
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"Ma'am, Dan and Amy for you."
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"What?"
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"DAN: Ma'am, Jonah shot himself in the foot."
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"Oh, my God. What did he do this time?"
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"No, he literally shot himself in the foot. We're in the ER."
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"AMY: Turn on CNN, ma'am. It's on right now."
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"Turn on the..."
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"- (SCREAMING) - MIKE: Jesus!"
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"- Oh, my God. - JONAH: I'm okay."
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"- (LAUGHING) - SELINA: Oh, my God."
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"- A little bit of blood. - You are, it's all over the place."
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"Jonah shot himself in the eye with a rubber band in second grade."
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"I tell him now what I told him then..."
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"guns can be dangerous."
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"We're all praying for his recovery."
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"It's a complicated fracture. Shattered some bone."
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"- They say it's gonna take... - No, not for him, for me."
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"Right. Critical condition, but we're not throwing in the..."
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"- We got to have those factories now. - MINNA: Ni hao."
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"He is also the president and he likes to walk."
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"Camp David is where President Eisenhower came"
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"to recover after his heart attack."
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"- (TRANSLATING) - Yeah. (GASPING)"
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"President Eis... he's pass... he's dead. He's long gone."
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"Uh, do you have more gum?"
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"Can I bum a piece of gum?"
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"Uh, may I chew gum with you?"
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"Pretty cool. Never had it."
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"Oh, wow. It's got a kick."
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"Who knew?"
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"I have just the thing."
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"- Gracias. - Sorry, no, no. Wrong language."
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"Well, we need to work together"
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"to better engage with North Korea"
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"because the North Koreans are people like us."
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"Hi, Mom. Oh, I'm so happy to see you."
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"- No, no. - Just to be clear, my girlfriend and I"
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"aren't just vegan, we're raw vegan"
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"which means no meat, no dairy, and absolutely nothing cooked at all."
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"- Thank you. - Okay, good."
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"Mom, come back soon, okay? Monica's making some nutmeg soy butter."
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"Oh, how wonderful. Thank you."
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"and she obviously did not recognize you."
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