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Clips from Veep - Camp David (S05E05)

"There will be no statement."
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"and cannot be rushed."
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"so that the world may know of our accomplishments."
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"We have your emails to prove it."
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"- Thank you for everything, ma'am. - Oh, you're so welcome."
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"Pick up the..."
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"- Oh, hi, Catherine. - Really?"
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"At 8:20 this evening, the Widow Sherman conceded."
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"- I've got to call him. - I got him. He's right here."
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"- I can elect a Muslim AIDS virus. - Okay, Jeff."
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"in the tiniest suicide vest ever made,"
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"Okay, Jeff, you're drunk."
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"Hey, Jessica. Jessica, I see you there."
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"- Do you like what I did with my life? - CROWD: Oh!"
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"and that was Jonah Ryan."
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"SELINA: Yeah, well, we're thrilled. Thank you, Congressman."
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"- Okay, Catherine, listen... - I'm keeping it."
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"- Rescued farm animals. - Yeah, I heard her."
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"and turning it into some Club Med for goats?"
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"- MARJORIE: Pigs. Potbellied pigs. - Emus."
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"- Can you do llamas? - Oh, yeah, we could have llamas."
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"- JONAH: Take the apple, Mrs. Sherman! - (SHERMAN SHRIEKS)"
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"- Reach out and take it. Take the apple. - MAN: Mr. Ryan."
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"Mr. Ryan, would you please step back to your podium?"
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"She wouldn't take the apple."
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"Which one of you Johnny Appledick shit for brains came up with that bit?"
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"Hi, ma'am, I just arrived here in Winter Blunderland."
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"SELINA: He looked like Ike Turner handing Tina a snack."
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"I think we've identified the key problem,"
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"which is that Jonah does not interact well with humans."
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"No, I don't interact well with hag-ass old bitches."
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"Do you realize that you just handed O'Brien New Hampshire"
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"chained to a radiator with its twat shaved?"
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"- I'm hanging up! - I'm sorry, Mom."
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"You know what? On the positive side,"
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"now I can just try and concentrate on our little family weekend."
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"- Just us Meyers. - Well, then why is Gary here?"
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"Oh, thank you."
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"I'm just really excited to have this time"
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"for you and Dad and Monny to get to know the real Marjorie."
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"I mean, fun Marjorie, not just Marjorie the Secret Service agent."
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"(BOTH LAUGHING)"
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"- Look! - Dad! Monny!"
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"Kitty Cat!"
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"All right, so the Chinese are gonna be here any minute."
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"We Meyers are very resourceful."
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"You do know you're not really a member of my family, right?"
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"- I do. - Right."
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"SELINA: What is that insanity"
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"Oh, this is my homemade cranberry and popcorn tinsel"
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"Someone's been reading my blog."
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"So I'm gonna call it delorable."
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"is a raw food vegan and she's turned me into one."
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"Yeah, we just thought maybe we could have, like, a sham ham for Christmas."
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"What is that, sweetie? Is that like tofurkey?"
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"No, ma'am, tofurkey is cooked."
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"But it tastes like a ham?"
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"We could all cut back on our meat consum..."
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"People make that mistake constantly."
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"How about you touch neither of us?"
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"Okay, I'm gonna go check on that funky food order and..."
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"Mom, I wanted to ask you about something, but I can just talk to Dad about it."
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"What money stuff?"
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"Well, it's just that there's so much of it"
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"Uncle George was saying that maybe I should sell the Palm Beach house"
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"Palm Beach house, honey? That was my daddy's favorite house."
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"- What? - I told them about your veganism"
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"and they decided to convert the whole thing to an eco resort."
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"- No, they didn't. - I have a prospectus in my briefcase."
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"Ma'am, your daughter's dazzling eyes can start a fire themselves."
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"- Yes, ma'am. - Thanks. Gary, we got to go."
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"Presumably driving slowly and not using their signals."
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"Hey, any updates on Debralee's sonogram?"
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"Nothing. I'm going crazy."
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"What do you got going there, Depravey Crockett?"
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"In exchange for you lifting the sanctions,"
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"China's agreed to build an electronics plant in Ohio"
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"and an engine assembly plant in North Carolina."
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"Okay, so we got North Carolina, Ohio."
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"That's the presidency for me."
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"of the Dalai Lama and the Panchen Lama returning to Tibet."
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"- Dalai Lama, I'm so sick of him. - He's insufferable."
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"Do we have a press release ready to go, Mike?"
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"All I got to do is press send and we..."
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"Ma'am, Minna Häkkinen is through security and headed this way."
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"How is it that that Asperger salad inserted herself into this situation?"
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"- Shh. - What?"
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"- Oh, Minna! - Selina."
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"- Hello. - Hello. I have not seen you"
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"Thank you, yes. I have more highlights."
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"And you changed your eyelids. You had oculoplasty."
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"- Um... - You look more alert."
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"Yeah... (STAMMERS)"
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"Well, the latest poll numbers are in"
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"Yeah, surround you with some trees. Make you look human-sized."
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"But the good news is that you're only three points behind Jon H Ryan, whoever that is."
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"Hey, Slick. What's Blondie's situation?"
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"Does she choke for Coke?"
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"You should ask her."
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"It's been a very hard year."
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"- Is that so? Yeah. - Yes. You know... you're menopausal."
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"- What? - You're menopausal as well."
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"- No, I'm not. - Well..."
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"No, you are."
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"No, you're older than me, so I..."
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"Oh, I still have regular periods,"
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"but my joints, they're very swollen."
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"- Really? - Yes."
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"- But if they do this... - Yeah?"
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"...you are simply ready to perform the walkout"
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"to convince the Chinese that you will not negotiate"
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"- Okay. - You say the terms are unacceptable"
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"and you take both your palms and you place them"
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"And then someone must say this is unprecedented."
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"- She never does this. - Ben can do that."
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"- Who, me? - It is much harder than it sounds."
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"- Perhaps we should rehearse? - Absolutely."
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"So this is unacceptable."
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"And then, uh, I walk out."
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"No, that is not credible. You try again."
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