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Clips from South Park - Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics (S03E03)

"He comes from you"
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"A present from down below Spreading joy with a "Howdy ho""
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"He's seen the love inside of you 'Cause he's a piece of poo"
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"Sometimes he's nutty Sometimes he's corny"
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"I'm Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo"
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"Now before I melt away Here's a game I like to play"
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"Stick me in your mouth and try to say "Howdy ho ho yum yum yum""
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"Christmas time has come"
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"Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass and won't fall in the toilet"
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"And finally it does"
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"Flush him down but he's never gone"
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"Howdy ho, folks! We're gonna do something a little bit different tonight."
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"Instead of our normal thing,"
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"we're just gonna sit back and enjoy some holiday songs!"
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"I have a little dreidel I made it out of clay"
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"Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of clay"
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"Hey! Shut your mouth, fat-ass!"
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"What's going on? Oh, it's that Hanukkah thing."
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"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of clay"
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"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of clay"
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"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel With dreidel I shall play"
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"a time-honoured tradition for the Hebrew people."
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"Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of clay"
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"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel"
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"Golly, that sure was fun!"
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"But now for our next song, hold on to your boot straps,"
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"Aw, you don't have a Christmas tree?"
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"It's Christmas time in Hell"
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"Reunited for the holidays God bless us, every one"
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"Let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow"
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"We still have to shop for Genghis Khan Michael Landon's hair looks swell"
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"There's Princess Diana holding burning mistletoe"
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"All the screaming and the torture stops As we wait for ol' Saint Nick"
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"So string up the lights and light up the tree"
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"We're damned for all eternity"
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"Gather close together and make it quick We gotta make room for Andy Dick"
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"It's Christmas time in Hell!"
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"Ding dong, ding dong, that is their song Big joyful ring, all caroling"
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"One seems to hear words of good cheer From everywhere, filling the air"
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"Their joyful tone to every home Hark, hear the bells, sweet silver bells"
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"Ding dong, ding dong, m'kay M'kay"
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"Well, that was a nice little song, wasn't it?"
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"The stars are brightly shining"
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"It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie"
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"Thank you, Jesus, for being born"
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"O night when I get presents"
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"O night"
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"Oh, boy, that was a super song!"
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"And now let's hear from the schoolteacher, Mr. Garrison."
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"celebrate the holiday season."
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"No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus They have different religious beliefs"
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"They believe in Mohammed And not in our holiday"
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"Put down that book, the Koran And hear some holiday wishes"
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"Drink eggnog and eat some beef And pass it to the missus"
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"So get off your heathen Hindu ass and... celebrate!"
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"Now, I heard that in Japan Everyone just lives in sin"
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"And that is why I go to Japan And walk around and say"
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"Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists And all you atheists, too"
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"I saw three ships come sailing in On Christmas day, on Christmas day"
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"I saw three ships come sailing in On Christmas day in the morning"
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"The Virgin Mary and..."
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"Shelly got up and killed the turds On Christmas day in the morning"
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"Golly, that sure was swell."
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"the two most important people of the whole season."
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"Hello, everyone, and welcome to McKemicks."
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"Now please put your hands together"
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"- Hello, everybody! - How you all doing tonight?"
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"That's right, Santa, and we love each and every one of them."
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"Joy to the world For I have come"
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"- And heaven and nature sing - And heaven and nature sing"
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"You know, Jesus, that is a nice song, but I like this one."
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"Up on the housetop reindeer pause Out jumps good ol' me"
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"All for the little ones, Christmas joys"
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"That's where cute little ol' me laid down my sweet head"
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"Hark the herald angels sing Glory to me"
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"All is calm, all is bright"
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"Round yon Virgin Mother and me"
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"Okay, Jesus, here's one you might remember."
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"Santa, Santa, Santa..."
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"Oh, come on, Santa. You can't leave."
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"Well, since I've no place to go"
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"It doesn't show signs of stopping"
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"The lights are turned way down low, so"
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"But as long as you love me so"
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"Gosh, it was sure nice hanging out with y'all again."
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"Make the Yuletide gay"
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"If the fates allow"
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"Hang a shining star upon the highest bough"
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"Good-bye, everybody, and merry Christmas."
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"Fighting the Frizzies, at 11:00."
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"But all of those stories seem kind of gay"
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"'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday"
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"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo Small and brown"
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"He can be brown or greenish brown"
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"But if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve He might come to your town"
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"I love you Therefore, vicariously, he loves you"
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"I can make a Mr. Hankey, too"
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"Howdy ho"
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"'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter and he won't drop off"
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"And so you shake your ass around and try to get it to drop in the toilet"
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"When Christmas leaves he must leave, too"
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"His smell and his spirit lingers on"
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"Howdy ho!"
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"And if you don't like it,"
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"well, I guess you can suck my tiny little balls."
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"So, let's start off with a festive Hanukkah song,"
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"sung by my favourite Jewish person in the whole world!"
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"Okay, Ike, you're my little brother,"
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"so I have to show you how to celebrate Hanukkah. This is called a dreidel."
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"You spin it and see where it lands. And you sing this song."
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"And when it's dry and ready With dreidel I shall play"
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"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel With dreidel I shall play"
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"Hey, what the hell are you doing?"
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"Sure!"
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"Jews play stupid games Jews, that's why they're lame"
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"It's so amazing!"
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"I could watch it all day!"
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"Let me try."
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"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel With dreidel I shall play"
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"- It fell, I'll try again - Jews, that's why they're lame"
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