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Clips from Parks and Recreation - Park Safety (S02E02)

"So. You're too important for me until one of your own gets attacked."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh, you think you know how to do my job?"
Parks and Recreation
"Boom!"
Parks and Recreation
"Welcome to the emergency self-defense class."
Parks and Recreation
"I'll be showing you how to escape from a variety of situations,"
Parks and Recreation
"while inflicting maximum damage on your attackers."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm going to start off simple, and demonstrate"
Parks and Recreation
"Andy. Ann. Step up here."
Parks and Recreation
"The Teri Palliber Lonergan Story."
Parks and Recreation
"and he hid in her house."
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"And then he attacked her and tried to eat her toes."
Parks and Recreation
"And then just twist away."
Parks and Recreation
"Very good. Very good. Well done."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh! What's up now, mugger?"
Parks and Recreation
"I'm going to show you guys all the problems we've been facing."
Parks and Recreation
"And after that, I'm going to show you this log I found."
Parks and Recreation
"It's got, like, fifty worms on it. I call it "worm log.""
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah, I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman."
Parks and Recreation
"But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired."
Parks and Recreation
"And the third one was recently stolen."
Parks and Recreation
"The raccoon piss one."
Parks and Recreation
"All right. So we're going to just head out."
Parks and Recreation
"That's Tom, probably."
Parks and Recreation
"Are you serious?"
Parks and Recreation
"Tom, can you get off, please?"
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"Just run alongside the cart, okay?"
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"Whoa!"
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"So, I want to tell you a little bit about the park."
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"It's primarily grass. All right, I'm going to make a hard left here."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay. Lesson learned. Thank you. Next. Andy."
Parks and Recreation
"Impressive. I'm going to engage Andy in an attack hold,"
Parks and Recreation
"Don't worry about that. Just try to escape my attack."
Parks and Recreation
"Now, when your arms are pinned to your sides, use your legs to break free,"
Parks and Recreation
"instead of your neck, which is what Andy is trying to do."
Parks and Recreation
"Let him go."
Parks and Recreation
"Andy."
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"Oh, God. Oops."
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"Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised. Take a look at this path."
Parks and Recreation
"With budget cuts, we can't afford a single safety light."
Parks and Recreation
"Wow. Really?"
Parks and Recreation
"Can't you station a Park Ranger out here?"
Parks and Recreation
"We have! Who do you think they're assaulting?"
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"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
Parks and Recreation
"You guys have got to slow down."
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"No, Tom. Sorry. No can do."
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"Okay, what day is it today?"
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"I don't know."
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"Okay, but to be fair, you never know."
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"I'm super bad at days. But honestly, I'm fine."
Parks and Recreation
"Sorry I squeezed your lights out there, son."
Parks and Recreation
"No worries. Will you show me how to do that move, though?"
Parks and Recreation
"Sure. I can teach you right now..."
Parks and Recreation
"No, no, no. Andy, you should really just take it easy, I think."
Parks and Recreation
"Punch to the balls."
Parks and Recreation
"But sometimes, muggers have their own ideas."
Parks and Recreation
"Leslie Knope is with us again from the Parks Department."
Parks and Recreation
"Leslie, tell us your story."
Parks and Recreation
"Who's next? Your frumpy uncle? Your simple neighbor?"
Parks and Recreation
"Head of security, Carl Lorthner,"
Parks and Recreation
"is doing his best to keep the parks safe,"
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"We need money from City Hall. And it's not coming through."
Parks and Recreation
"but your government is failing you."
Parks and Recreation
"Up next, 10 objects you didn't know you can eat."
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"What possessed you to do that?"
Parks and Recreation
"I'm sure you'll be happy to know your little stunt worked."
Parks and Recreation
"There's going to be an announcement"
Parks and Recreation
"tomorrow at 10:00 in the press room."
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"So... Make sure you bring the doofus who got his ass kicked."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay."
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"Jerry, are you nervous?"
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"Leslie? I wasn't mugged."
Parks and Recreation
"safety of our citizens."
Parks and Recreation
"Jerry? Why don't you step on up here?"
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"No, I will."
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"He can't talk right now because he has hysterical muteness from trauma."
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"Jerry."
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"What about this? Is this fake? Huh? Is this fake?"
Parks and Recreation
"and I stopped for a breakfast burrito."
Parks and Recreation
"And Lord Sheldon... He lunged at a bird, I dropped the burrito,"
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"So, I go to reach for it, I lose my balance,"
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"and I fall on my shoulder really weird."
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"Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said."
Parks and Recreation
"What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Kill your wife?"
Parks and Recreation
"Shoeshine?"
Parks and Recreation
"Ann, you know, thank you. But really, I'm feeling great."
Parks and Recreation
"I took a couple of aspirin and slept right through the night."
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"And... Hold on a second. Ludgate. What the hell?"
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"Shut up. Don't hit me."
Parks and Recreation
"Good. Well, I'm glad you're feeling better."
Parks and Recreation
"Since when did he start doing stuff for other people?"
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"Now, I actually am worried that something happened to his brain."
Parks and Recreation
"Wouldn't you rather the money go to keeping the parks safe?"
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"I actually think that you have a bigger problem than the money."
Parks and Recreation
"What?"
Parks and Recreation
"because he's afraid of his co-workers."
Parks and Recreation
"Knope. Yep. No."
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"Carl. What are you doing?"
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"Oh, Leslie."
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"Well, since you decided to drag my name through the mud on TV,"
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"I figured why not return the favor."
Parks and Recreation
"A citizen handed in a very interesting home video"
Parks and Recreation
"that I think the people of Pawnee will find very interesting."
Parks and Recreation
"Take a peek at this."
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"Not willing to share with a dog."
Parks and Recreation
"So, it would appear that Park Security was not to blame after all."
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"Okay, look. I have a proposition for you."
Parks and Recreation
"That's not what I am saying. Okay?"
Parks and Recreation
"The Ramsett Park mugging story continues with a shiny new twist."
Parks and Recreation
"Ranger Carl Lorthner is here today."
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"Now, I understand"
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"that you have a bombshell to drop that you are just sitting on."
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"Yes, that's correct."
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"I came on today because I have some"
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"I disagree with Carl. Okay."
Parks and Recreation
"I have seen Avatar as well, and I think it exceeded the hype."
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"What?"
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"Oh boy, we..."
Parks and Recreation
"Well, things are really heating up in here, aren't they?"
Parks and Recreation
"This is Pawnee Today."
Parks and Recreation
"You disgust me, Knope. Get out of my sight."
Parks and Recreation
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