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Clips from Teenage Euthanasia - Adventures in Beetle Sitting (S01E01)

"- Don't get me wrong, I love being a slave to the matriarchy,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"but sometimes, I wish I had a guy pal to hang with."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Male friendship not for shy undertaker grown boys, Peter."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You never leave the Baba. - Special delivery."
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"Mr. Peter Fantasy."
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"- What this? Too small to be bride."
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"Any package that not for work and not bride for pervert."
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"- Not perverts, Baba -- loners."
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"-I'm Gymnast Gregory."
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"Wanna see my front roundoff?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- There's something wrong with this wife, Peter."
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"If she no get pregnant in 90 days, we return."
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"- Gregory's not my lover."
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"He's here to be my friend."
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"See?"
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"-Men die an average of five years earlier than women."
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"Loneliness is one of the biggest threats"
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"to men's health."
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"But Gymnast Gregory, our companion smart doll,"
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"is here to help."
Teenage Euthanasia
"-While we watch the game, let's do a somatic inventory"
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"of the places our bodies carry tension."
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"- I'd like that, Greg."
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"-As a professional athlete,"
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"Gymnast Gregory creates intimacy"
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"within a nonthreatening sports-based bond."
Teenage Euthanasia
"-Tell me about the frustrations you feel"
Teenage Euthanasia
"with your manager at work."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I love hearing you talk about the situation"
Teenage Euthanasia
"yet never do anything to change it."
Teenage Euthanasia
"-He can flip, cartwheel, and help males over 18"
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"experience vulnerability with another man."
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"- Most things I need to get off my chest are too embarrassing"
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"to share with other men and too boring for human women."
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"-Sharing your feelings can help lower your blood pressure"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and make you less inclined to yell at strangers."
Teenage Euthanasia
"In a double-blind study, Gymnast Gregory owners"
Teenage Euthanasia
"were 17% less likely to murder women"
Teenage Euthanasia
"who rejected their sexual advances."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I didn't understand the importance"
Teenage Euthanasia
"of straight male friendship"
Teenage Euthanasia
"when it came to my depression, but I do now."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Thank you, Gymnast Gregory."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- But lonely middle-aged men some of our best customers."
Teenage Euthanasia
"-Spot me on the balance beam!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Then I'll help you confront the inadequacy you feel"
Teenage Euthanasia
"when you pee sitting down."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Gasps ] You mean standing is an option?!"
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"Having a male friend is gonna be great!"
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"- Peter, you no need boyfriend"
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"when you have good job and lubed-up Baba."
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"- Didn't realize mimes are technically art clowns."
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"[ Soft music playing ]"
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"How 'd you know I love gas-station flowers?"
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"♪♪"
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"And horse tranquilizers."
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"He's mine. Oh, he's mine."
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"- Good evening. Ready to order?"
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"Oh! Okay, two words."
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"Uh, you're a...chicken..."
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"- Newborn kitten! - Breastfeeding!"
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"- The Vietnam War! - Tender!"
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"- Oh, chicken tenders! Chicken tenders!"
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"[ Applause ]"
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"And what kind of sauce would you like with that sir?"
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"Three words... - Just bring us one of each."
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"And I'll take a hamburger patty soaked in vodka."
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"Geeze latoosh, it's barely been an hour without my beetles."
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"Better put a jump on the hump."
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"Francois, how bout we skip straight to dessert?"
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"They have a wonderful back alley here, and so do I."
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"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Good turnout!"
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"Surprised the recycling club came as the segregationist mob,"
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"but they do enjoying separating things."
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"[ Gasps ]"
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"Oh, no, there go my social-anxiety hives."
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"Better just go home."
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"Hey...what are you doing?"
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"Wow, you just superficially covered them up."
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"I guess that's what Trophy does with all her flaws."
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"- Annie, hey!"
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"Reminder -- the Titans! Remember?"
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"- Oops, I, uh, almost forgot."
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"- I'm Safety Pin."
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"My thing's safety pins."
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"- [ Slurps ] I'm Babygirl."
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"My thing's sucking a pacifier dipped in cough syrup."
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"I've really internalized misogyny"
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"and totally missed the point of "Lolita"..."
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"for now! - Cool!"
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"Javi, what's your thing?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm into post-colonial feminism,"
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"but I don't have a visual signifier for it yet,"
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"and long Furbys."
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"- What's your thing, Annie? - My thing is..."
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"looking at the ground and -- and -- and -- and..."
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"- Hey, Martina! Get your head in the game!"
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"Playing fairy godmother to The Drain was your idea!"
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"- And mystery."
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"My thing is mystery."
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"- I told you, she is full of surprises."
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"- Nice. - Meta."
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"- [ Gasps ]"
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"- How ironic would nachos be?"
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"- I could really dip my pacifier in some cheese right now."
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"♪♪"
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"- Oh..."
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"actually, would you like some nachos?"
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"- You are mysterious."
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"- Annie overcoming her fears and Denzel on the big screen --"
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"doesn't it all just make a girl dream of a better world?"
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"- Hope it's a world where you shut the hell up."
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"♪♪"
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"- Table for two, sir?"
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"Or will your mother be spying on you"
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"from the car again this evening?"
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"- Two for the all-male section, please."
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"We're here to experience positive platonic masculinity."
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"- Perhaps something by the septic tan--"
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