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Clips from The Simpsons - Team Homer (S07E07)

"Oh, my God! The Mad magazine special edition."
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""The 'all-ighty ollar"'?"
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"Oh, no problem. Would you take an out-of-state, two-party, bad check?"
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"and I don't have that kind of money to spend on sex."
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"Skinner, why are there children walking on my head?"
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"So, we meet again, Mad magazine."
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"I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States..."
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"- We're fresh out, sir. I'll get some more. - Leave the rag."
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"Mmm."
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"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Burns."
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"to sponsor my bowling team for $500."
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"Those beers are five dollars apiece."
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"No, no. Now, don't try to remember what that slogan was."
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"I've decided, starting Monday, all students will be required to wear uniforms."
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"All right. Pick your size: extra small or extra large."
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"We've got both. No pushing now. I-What?"
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"God boy couldn't get a strike!"
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"I'll check the employee files to see who could pull off such an impersonation."
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"Listen here. I want to join your team."
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"I haven't felt this energized since my last... boweling."
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"Oh, man. He'll blow our winning streak."
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"Yeah. Call this an unfair generalization if you must..."
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"but old people are no good at everything."
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"Look, guys, it's not that simple. He's my boss."
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"Welcome aboard!"
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"- Yee-haw! - Arr, me mateys. Arr."
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"absolutely nothing has gone wrong."
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"And I spent so much time building that trophy case."
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"Smithers, that precision assault popped it back into place. Thank you, masked stranger!"
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"Yes, I am afraid that I am going to have to make a similar threat..."
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"So, who's ready to kick some Christian keister?"
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"At last, I finally have a garment fine enough to be married in."
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"- We got each other, huh? - Yeah, yeah. That's right, Moe. Aww."
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"Ooh!"
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"The Simpsons"
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"D'oh!"
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"They only put out 17 of these a year!"
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"Boy, they're really sockin' it to that Spiro Agnew guy again. He must work there or something."
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"- Let's do the fold-in. - Okay."
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""What higher power do TV evangelists worship?""
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"- I'll say God. - I'll sayJesus."
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"- "The almighty dollar"? - You fold it, you bought it."
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"Whoo! "Snappy answers to stupid questions. ""
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"I'm great at these. Ask me if something smells funny in here, boy."
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"- Does something smell funny in here? - I don't think so, stupid."
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"- Homie, you want pork chops? - No, I want roast beef, you clod!"
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"Look at this. Special insert: "Iron-on madness."
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"Ban the bath. Don't trust anyone over 10."
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"Sock it to me!""
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"Those magazines create a dangerous amount of laughter."
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"I get it."
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"Say, business stinks tonight. Where's Barney, Lenny and Carl?"
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"They never come around anymore now that they got their mistresses."
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"Might as well close the dump."
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"- I am gonna drink you under the table. - No."
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"I am going to drink you under the-"
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"Well, you're closin'. It's gettin' late."
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"My kids are probably wondering where their daddy is."
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"There's gotta be some other place we can go. Think, Moe! Think!"
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"Sorry. It's league night. I couldn't give a lane to my own mother."
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"I have no son."
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"Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people..."
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"For some pimply little puke that treats ya like dirt unless you're on a team."
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"Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt."
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"I mean, not that fancy, store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients."
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"I can't compete with that stuff."
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"That I cannot bowl wreaks havoc with my self-esteem as well, but who am I to complain?"
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"Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!"
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"Hey, we can be a team."
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"Excuse me, but my team is ready to bowl."
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"- You're short one person. - Uh..."
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"that long-haired freak's bowled with us for years."
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"I don't care if it takes me all night. I'm gonna get me that lobster harmonica."
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"Come on, lobstie. Whoo."
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"- Oh, okay. Then I just need your $500 registration fee. - $500!"
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"No, I will not pay you $500 for sex."
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"Aw, come on, Marge. You're getting something in return, and I'm getting a bowling team."
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"- It's win-win. - It's sick..."
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"Maybe you could get someone with money to sponsor your team, like Mr. Burns."
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"Burns never gives money to anybody."
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"- Just last week, I asked him for $1,500. - For what?"
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"Oh, I gotta get the third degree from you too?"
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"- Tonight's homework assignment is- - Oh, man, is it hot in here."
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"I'd better take off my sweater."
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""Down with"- "homework"?"
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"- Don't look at it, children. - His shirt makes a good point."
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"I'm with the shirt! Homework rots!"
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"Down with homework! Down with homework!"
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"Mmm."
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"As I was saying, my yearly evaluation couldn't have come at a better time."
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"Well, Seymour, I must say, for once, I am impressed."
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"In fact, I am going to give this school a perfect 10."
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"I'll just write the zero first."
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"Now a vertical line to indicate the one."
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"Down with homework!"
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"- How do you know it's from Mad? - The year was 1968."
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"We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta."
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"An overheated private removed his flak jacket, revealing a T-shirt..."
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"with an iron-on sporting the Mad slogan "up with miniskirts. ""
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"Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it."
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"But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed Charlie to get the drop on us."
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"I spent the next three years in a P.O.W. camp..."
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"forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables..."
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"prawns, coconut milk and four kinds of rice."
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"but they just can't get the spices right."
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"- Uh, my punishment? - Hmm? Oh, I'm gonna have to think about that."
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"Meanwhile, wear this home."
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"No-o-o. I need some more ether."
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"I can still feel the movement of the emery board."
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"Pop 'n' Fresh, you glutinous little dough boy!"
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"There's something I've wanted to do to you for years."
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"Ow."
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"Mr. Burns, I was wondering if you'd like..."
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"Why, certainly, Pop 'n' Fresh."
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"I owe my robust physique to your tubes of triple-bleached goo."
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"Whoo-hoo! Hey, everybody, if you wanna ask Burns for a favor, now's the time!"
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"He's doped up or dyin' or somethin'!"
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"Uh, excuse me. I'd like to request $17..."
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"for a push broom rebristling."
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"Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your Lucky Charms."
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