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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S03E03)

"ARCHER: WD-40, Mother."
Archer (2009)
"Oh. ARCHER: Costs, like, a nickel."
Archer (2009)
"Because, uh, it looks like you're sitting here with a gun, right?"
Archer (2009)
"And over there, strapped to a chair and shot to death..."
Archer (2009)
"Or am I misreading the situation?"
Archer (2009)
"Well, technically, it's a zentai. What?"
Archer (2009)
"You're saying the fact that your gun has recently been fired is--"
Archer (2009)
"...then to keep pressure on the wounds, you greased him up, squeezed him into this--"
Archer (2009)
"Someone broke in here and shot him."
Archer (2009)
"No answer? Okay, let's ask him."
Archer (2009)
"And, uh, speaking of questions..."
Archer (2009)
"Why does this chair have no seat?"
Archer (2009)
"Don't act like you've never seen a marital aid before."
Archer (2009)
"Not in a dead prime minister's ass."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, not why that. Why he's here."
Archer (2009)
"Savio and I met after the war when I was in Italy with Gladio."
Archer (2009)
"...set up to counter a possible Soviet invasion of Western Europe."
Archer (2009)
"Rimshot. Shut up."
Archer (2009)
"What's more romantic than a dildo-party-slash-murder?"
Archer (2009)
"A murder I'm trying to get a handle on, so could you shut up a second?"
Archer (2009)
"You mean vice versa? Shut up."
Archer (2009)
"God, your hands are like cricket bats. Shut up."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: So he put the, uh...? In his own--? MALORY: Yes. Hush."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Savio loved to be kept waiting. Mm. Ah."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: And then, bang, in burst three men."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, whoa, whoa, back up. Why did you have a gun?"
Archer (2009)
"Archer."
Archer (2009)
"...because I'm gonna have to, uh, heh, bust you in the face a couple times."
Archer (2009)
"What are you talking about? Self-defense. It's your only shot."
Archer (2009)
"A jury? When you don't believe me?"
Archer (2009)
"Malory, you got shot."
Archer (2009)
"Let me see. Take off your coat. No. I'm fine, it's just a through-and-through."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs..."
Archer (2009)
"No. Nor can you burn down my apartment, so think of something else."
Archer (2009)
"We get some coveralls and a carpet-cleaning van..."
Archer (2009)
"So you think he'd be a problem? God, yes."
Archer (2009)
"Now, since I don't wanna be an accessory after the fact..."
Archer (2009)
"Lana, it's the only way. What is?"
Archer (2009)
"Malory, I just can't. Me neither."
Archer (2009)
"Whatever. Call it her can't, me won't."
Archer (2009)
"...this bathroom should do nicely, and a pot of coffee like I like my women:"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, and your sauce needs less salt. How can you--?"
Archer (2009)
"Put two halves of a potato in with the sauce, it'll absorb the salt."
Archer (2009)
"Ugh, too salty. Yeah, I know. You got a potato?"
Archer (2009)
"He literally might be, yes. Ew."
Archer (2009)
"CHERYL: Aah! What in the--?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, God! KRIEGER: Hopefully, my greatest work yet."
Archer (2009)
"Because it sure as shit ain't a surprise party, Krieger. You big fat liar."
Archer (2009)
"Ooh, I bet it's that wicked king. So? Why'd Krieger drag us into it?"
Archer (2009)
"...into seven different trash cans in three different boroughs."
Archer (2009)
"Hopefully, when you look at the drop points on a map..."
Archer (2009)
"KRIEGER: Can I keep it? Keep what?"
Archer (2009)
"Cheese it, it's the cops."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, shit. Busted."
Archer (2009)
"And then somebody get me a number 10 can of tomatoes."
Archer (2009)
"Hi, I'm-- Italian, huh? Well, that's a coincidence."
Archer (2009)
"Irish. That's right."
Archer (2009)
"My guests are in here, detective, but--"
Archer (2009)
"Whatever's gotten into you, Calpurnia?"
Archer (2009)
"I hate you all so much."
Archer (2009)
"No one cares, Figgis."
Archer (2009)
"Which makes you look ridiculous. And which--"
Archer (2009)
"Why do you even--? Never mind, I don't even wanna know."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER : A perfectly nice dinner, Calpurnia."
Archer (2009)
"Sullen wench."
Archer (2009)
"I wouldn't be surprised if it was our super, Mr. Herlihy. He drinks."
Archer (2009)
"Ah. Thanks, I'll check--"
Archer (2009)
"Whoo! Oh."
Archer (2009)
"Sorry, didn't know anyone was waiting. I'd recommend the other bathroom."
Archer (2009)
"He really did a number. Make sure he didn't leave an upper decker."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, yes. Yes, that's right."
Archer (2009)
"The rest of you can get out of my clothes and then out of my house."
Archer (2009)
"What? Mother, calm-- I'm on my way."
Archer (2009)
"Then she pulls a gun on him?"
Archer (2009)
"What is this? A crock of shit."
Archer (2009)
"Yep. Plus the one in her arm. Heh-heh."
Archer (2009)
"Which would mean Mother's been banging him once a year for like 35 years..."
Archer (2009)
"...you and your fascist thugs gunned down a young man in the street."
Archer (2009)
"What was this man's crime? Well, I wouldn't call speaking out..."
Archer (2009)
"More of a mistake. By a beautiful, idealistic young man."
Archer (2009)
"Who knows? It's Malory. You really wanna know why she killed a guy?"
Archer (2009)
"God, what is with me and Italian lately?"
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Hello? Malory? Why did you call us?"
Archer (2009)
"Because if it was-- Oh."
Archer (2009)
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume it had something to do with that."
Archer (2009)
"...is a guy in a full-body latex catsuit."
Archer (2009)
"I didn't shoot him."
Archer (2009)
"Well, obviously they're related."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, do that, take that tone. But I swear, I didn't shoot him."
Archer (2009)
"Okay. Malory?"
Archer (2009)
"Well, unless it was the creepy-old-people-bondage-sex police.-."
Archer (2009)
"...why would anyone break in here and shoot him?"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Because he's Savio Mascalzone."
Archer (2009)
"Um... Oh, for--"
Archer (2009)
"The prime minister of Italy. The what?"
Archer (2009)
"Wha--? No, they don't use a king."
Archer (2009)
"What year do you think this is?"
Archer (2009)
"And what..."
Archer (2009)
"And you don't have to keep repeating it. We've established where it is."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, so you wanna move on to why?"
Archer (2009)
"Are you finished?"
Archer (2009)
"Operation Gladio. it was a NATO stay-behind mission..."
Archer (2009)
"Thanks, Holly Hindsight."
Archer (2009)
"--And we were working all these late nights."
Archer (2009)
"But ever since then, once a year, he'd slip away..."
Archer (2009)
"...and we'd spend a romantic weekend together."
Archer (2009)
"Well, you definitely nailed it. I mean, if this doesn't just scream "romance.""
Archer (2009)
"And he wasn't always into that."
Archer (2009)
"As he grew older, Savio's tastes became more and more exotic."
Archer (2009)
"And so he started introducing all these accoutrements very gradually."
Archer (2009)
"Okay. Okay. I-- Okay."
Archer (2009)
"What happened? Can you walk us through the crime?"
Archer (2009)
"Savio was in town to give a speech at the U.N."
Archer (2009)
"We'd made plans to meet here..."
Archer (2009)
"...so he gave his handlers the slip and arrived here at about 7."
Archer (2009)
"We caught up over a glass or two of champagne."
Archer (2009)
"Then I freshened up while Savio got changed and situated."
Archer (2009)
"I came out of the bedroom..."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Then I went to refill my champagne. Ah."
Archer (2009)
"Hm? Oh, well, Savio liked it to seem a little dangerous. You know?"
Archer (2009)
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