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Clips from Veep - Thanksgiving (S05E05)

"Tell the South Korean PM I'll give her a call later this afternoon."
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"- Right. - After, you know. Wish me luck, though."
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"- Good luck. - Yeah."
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"- Madam President. - Dr. Abernathy."
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"- If you could please have a seat. Gary. - Dr. Abernathy."
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"- You're here. - I'm here to assist the president."
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"Well, I think that Karen and I can handle this."
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"- Oh! - Oh, I'm so sorry. How are you?"
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"I'm fine, thank you. I'm just a little nervous, I have to confess."
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"- You're gonna be fine. - Yeah."
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"You're gonna be fine, ma'am. In fact, I usually perform"
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"things that are a bit more complicated than a De-bagging."
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"A De-bagging? Is that what you just said?"
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"I thought you said tea-bagging."
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"No, no, no. That's my department."
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"He means that literally. He doesn't know what the other thing is."
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"Anyway, listen, can you just talk me through this procedure one more time?"
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"It's quite simple. I actually don't have to make any cuts to the exterior dermis."
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"It's all approached internally from behind the eyelid."
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"There's gonna be a little swelling and of course a tiny bit of bruising afterwards."
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"- Ooh, bruising? - Yes, Gary, bruising."
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"That's when a little blood collects underneath the skin."
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"It's not a problem for an actual doctor."
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"Now, the beauty of this procedure"
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"is that we can do it today and you'll be healed by Monday."
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"And I'll look 10 years younger."
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"That would make you a baby."
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"- Okay, it's... - Shall we get started?"
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"- Okay. Yeah. - Gary, if you'll please excuse us."
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"It's very easy for me just to sit right there."
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"- I've got it. - Easy."
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"Officials are reporting a salmonella outbreak..."
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"You seeing this?"
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"...that has led to 37 hospitalizations in four states."
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"POTUS is still getting permanently Photoshopped."
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"Let's get the head of the CDC out there, calm everyone down."
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"Let's send Tom James out as well. He's a tall drink of Xanax."
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"The number of people taken ill is orders"
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"of magnitude below statistical significance."
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"Do people not understand basic nonparametric statistics?"
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"Or how to cook a fucking turkey."
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"Oh, sir, you're here now. Good."
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"- So Ben told me that apparently... - We're being deployed."
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"Operation Calm the Fuck Down."
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"- Yes. - Come on in."
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"Just the guy I wanted to see."
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"Ooh, uh-oh. I know that number."
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"The number of the beast Sidney Purcell."
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"I don't know why he keeps calling me."
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"His comprehension of the word no"
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"hovers somewhere around drunk college quarterback level."
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"But anyway, sir, how can I help you?"
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"Got a little something for you."
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"Carol in personnel owed me a favor."
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"Oh, this is gonna wipe that crooked smile off Jonah Ryan's face."
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"I think that's genetic."
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"You know, Egan, I work a little differently than the president."
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"As far as treating my staff, I try not to act"
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"like an alcoholic father who has just stepped on a Lego."
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"I value openness and straight talk."
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"You're part of the James team now."
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"- Part of my inner circle. - I'm honored."
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"So raise your right hand and repeat the oath."
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"I'm fucking with you. Come on, let's go."
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"That's very good, sir."
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"- Mike! Mike! - Mike, is this a salmonella epidemic?"
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"Is the president going to make a statement?"
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"She will be making a full statement soon..."
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"sooner than you think, but only when she's ready."
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"Right now, though, I'd like to bring up Dr. Robert Weinberg"
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"from the Centers for Disease Control. Dr. Weinberg."
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"- This is not good. - It's fine."
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"Everybody's watching football. There's only a couple cases."
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"No, Wendy's pissed."
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"I left her at home with her folks and my folks plus her kids."
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"Shit, I don't even know who's at my house."
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"I don't even know if they're in town."
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"I hate to admit it, but sometimes"
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"I'm scared of Wendy."
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"She still has a great rack, though."
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"- What do you think? - Oh, yeah. You did great, ma'am."
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"- Oh, good. - Excuse me, ma'am."
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"- Hi, guys. - Doesn't she look amazing?"
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"Jesus, you look like a southern housewife"
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"who just burned her husband's dinner."
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"Ma'am, the salmonella outbreak has mushroomed."
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"The cases now number over 200."
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"Oh, my God. Are you kidding?"
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"- Should I make a statement? - No, that's not a good idea."
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"No one should see you while your face is... marinating."
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"Okay, she just had 10 years taken off her eyes."
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"- Yes. - Well, I don't think they left yet."
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"You just stay hidden, okay? Doctor's orders, right?"
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"What are you asking him for? He's not a doctor."
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"I mean, he doesn't have any academic qualifications to speak of."
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"Well, I have a bachelor's degree in hotel management"
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"- from Cornell University. - No, you don't."
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"Maybe we should ask the vice president to make a statement."
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"No! He's the old face of this administration."
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"- This is the new face. - It's a beautiful face."
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"Well, you know..."
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"So may we go ahead and ask Doyle?"
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"All right, fine. Ow!"
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"- Whoa. - Aw."
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"It really hurts to roll my eyes."
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"Okay, yes, ask Doyle."
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"But don't tell him why."
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"- Wow. - It's okay. It's okay."
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"Please don't keep touching me every day."
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"The first ever Thanksgiving,"
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"there was actually no turkey at all."
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"- Did you know that? - Fascinating."
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"The pilgrims, they ate deer"
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"and harvest vegetables like corn, zucchini."
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"They yelled at Grandpa, obviously."
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"- Of course. - Some truths are eternal, but no turkey."
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"- Thank you, Senator. - You're welcome."
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"Happy Thanksgiving and early Hanukkah."
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"Yes. We will be right back after this short break."
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"- And we're clear. - I love the Hanukkah bit."
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