Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Veep - Thanksgiving (S05E05)

"It's time."
Veep
"Thanksgiving has always meant sharing the bounty"
Veep
"of our rich land,"
Veep
"especially turkey."
Veep
"But the one thing we will not be sharing this holiday"
Veep
"is Drumstick or Cranberry."
Veep
"Catherine actually personally chose those names, didn't you, honey?"
Veep
"- Um, yes, I did. - Yes, she did."
Veep
"Help me get a few more details about these turkeys that I can maybe give the press."
Veep
"Like are they gonna hit the minibar tonight at their hotel?"
Veep
"Well, we booked the hotel for a few nights,"
Veep
"but I'm taking these guys straight to a petting zoo"
Veep
"in Virginia after the ceremony."
Veep
"Oh, they can while away the rest of their peaceful years there."
Veep
"Well, they were bred to be eaten, so they'll probably collapse"
Veep
"from their own weight and die in a year or two, tops."
Veep
"Is there a more fun way to say that?"
Veep
"With the power vested in me,"
Veep
"I hereby declare Drumstick and Cranberry"
Veep
"pardoned from the Thanksgiving dinner table"
Veep
"and also for tax evasion."
Veep
"There we go. Oh! Oh!"
Veep
"I think they're trying to fly away."
Veep
"Ooh, these birds are filthy."
Veep
"- Dan. - Hey, why have I been greened?"
Veep
"- Will you tell our friend over here... - Take it easy."
Veep
"It's just a screwup with the security office."
Veep
"Someone's got a case of the blue badge blue balls."
Veep
"I'm gonna assign you to Tom James' office."
Veep
"They're shorthanded since we're duking it out with Congress."
Veep
"I'll escort him in. He's harmless."
Veep
"Unless you got a sister."
Veep
"You looking forward to Thanksgiving, Marjorie?"
Veep
"- Oh, yes, ma'am. - Where do you spend the holiday?"
Veep
"- In Maryland, ma'am. - Oh, that's where I'm from."
Veep
"I know, ma'am."
Veep
"Selina: Okay, so tell Congressman Price"
Veep
"I just pardoned his stanky-ass turkeys,"
Veep
"so I'm gonna expect him to wrap up"
Veep
"that Missouri delegation when the House votes, right?"
Veep
"Well played, ma'am."
Veep
"Missouri's the largest turkey-producing state in the union."
Veep
"Second only to Minnesota followed by North Carolina."
Veep
"Ma'am."
Veep
"And Arkansas."
Veep
"Maybe I can pardon a car with a defective airbag..."
Veep
"...and we can wrap up Michigan."
Veep
"Michigan is actually the largest producer of battery acid."
Veep
"Can somebody reach around the back of Kent's head and power him down?"
Veep
"Oh, ma'am, latest from Treasury"
Veep
"is housing starts are down and unemployment's up."
Veep
"Any chance we can switch those?"
Veep
"I'll turn the graphs upside down."
Veep
"Oh, listen, I'm not gonna need you this weekend or tomorrow,"
Veep
"- so you can take that off, okay? - Oh, fantastic."
Veep
"My husband and I are having his whole family over for turkey."
Veep
"Husband? You're married?"
Veep
"Yes. Last year."
Veep
"250 people, no one from work."
Veep
"Catherine: Mom, can I have a sec?"
Veep
"- Privately? - Sure, honey."
Veep
"- What is it? - Okay."
Veep
"Well, I was just gonna go meet Dad and Monica."
Veep
"I was just wondering what time you'll be arriving."
Veep
"Oh, honey, I can't."
Veep
"But it's the first Thanksgiving since Mee-maw's gone."
Veep
"There's a lot to be thankful for."
Veep
"But we're doing a whole dinner at her house."
Veep
"I mean, it... or, well, my house."
Veep
"God, it still sounds so weird saying that."
Veep
"Yeah, it really does."
Veep
"But I have to be here, sweetie pie,"
Veep
"'cause I've got to call all of these Congress people."
Veep
"Whip the vote. You understand that. Mommy's got to whip."
Veep
"- Whip it good. What is that? - Devo."
Veep
"Well, can't you make those phone calls from anywhere?"
Veep
"- Nope, it's got to be Washington. - Right."
Veep
"It makes a big difference to know that she's calling from the Oval."
Veep
"But doesn't it just come up as unlisted?"
Veep
"They're ready in the Roosevelt Room."
Veep
"Mom, so this is the famous White House mess."
Veep
"- Oh, very nice, Joni. - Yeah, isn't it?"
Veep
"So this was renovated in 1951 by..."
Veep
"hey, I'll be right back."
Veep
"Okay, just one second."
Veep
"Ooh, is that the mandarin chicken salad?"
Veep
"Looks delicious. Hey, can I see your badge?"
Veep
"My rusty sheriff's badge?"
Veep
"Oh, I'm sure that showing your anus gets you into all your regular social clubs,"
Veep
"but this is the White House mess and to be in here,"
Veep
"you got to have one of these blue bad boys."
Veep
"Why are you doing this, Jonah?"
Veep
"You see the picture of Grover Cleveland?"
Veep
"Is that a tear in his eye"
Veep
"because he knows the rules aren't being respected?"
Veep
"Oh, Jesus. Fuck you."
Veep
"Excuse me, sir. We have an intruder here."
Veep
"No, we don't. You know, Jonah,"
Veep
"I hope you die a horrible death"
Veep
"choking on a red, glistening dog dick."
Veep
"- Have a lovely Thanksgiving, Mrs. Ryan. - Oh, you, too."
Veep
"- Well, I'm ready if you are. - For what?"
Veep
"I invited Richard to come back with us for Thanksgiving tomorrow."
Veep
"Mom, you don't invite my friends to Thanksgiving dinner."
Veep
"I invite my friends to Thanksgiving dinner."
Veep
"Richard, would you like to come to Thanksgiving dinner?"
Veep
"Thanksgiving wouldn't be complete..."
Veep
"Morning. Happy Thanksgiving."
Veep
"- Are they ready for me? - Yeah."
Veep
"It's this election has just been brutal on me."
Veep
"My eyelids are seriously starting to look like Keith Richards' ball sack."
Veep
"- Oh, please. He wishes. - Ma'am, Mike just announced to the press"
Veep
"that we're closing up shop for the Thanksgiving holiday and we're monitoring"
Veep
"a North Korean military exercise right now and that's about it."
Veep
"God, all that exercising and Glorious Leader"
Veep
"still can't seem to take off a pound, right?"
Veep
"That haircut's not doing him any favors."
Veep
"The South Korean PM is asking for a few minutes to discuss."
Veep
"And the CDC is reporting a few more cases"
Veep
"of salmonella poisoning linked to contaminated poultry."
Veep
Show more clips