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Clips from Scrubs - My Urologist (S05E05)

"One reason interns have so much trouble putting in chest tubes"
Scrubs
"You need to use force to get the tube between the ribs,"
Scrubs
"then pop it through the pleura. What do you say there, Lis? You can do this."
Scrubs
"Anybody else who hurts Keith is going to get the same treatment as Lisa."
Scrubs
"OK, that came out wrong. But baby, it's OK."
Scrubs
"Let me kiss the owie. Kiss the owie."
Scrubs
"This is happening."
Scrubs
"You're damn right this is happening."
Scrubs
"My mom."
Scrubs
"What is wrong with you?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Turk talking to a new staff member."
Scrubs
"J.D., I'm sure you know Kim Briggs."
Scrubs
"Uh, no, you big knucklehead, I don't."
Scrubs
"I'd like to say konichiwa."
Scrubs
"[Turk] She was at Ben's funeral."
Scrubs
"So because she wears a wedding ring, she's invisible to me?"
Scrubs
"- Yes. - Please, T. I'm not that shallow."
Scrubs
"please remove your wedding rings?"
Scrubs
"[Scoffs]"
Scrubs
"Hey, J.D."
Scrubs
"- I thought you died. - No, I just got married."
Scrubs
"# I'm no Superman #"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] I had checked up on Kim. She got along with everybody."
Scrubs
"All the guys liked her."
Scrubs
"All the women liked her."
Scrubs
"[Fast swishing sound]"
Scrubs
"I never got a synchronized snap from the greasers."
Scrubs
"but the penis is just another excretory organ,"
Scrubs
"What?!"
Scrubs
"Oh, my God!"
Scrubs
"Hey, girls. Listen, Perry got uppity with me for,"
Scrubs
"and I quote, "spending $20,000 we don't have on shoes,""
Scrubs
"- I'll go. - You told Keith you were too tired."
Scrubs
"Dorian, can I borrow that pencil for a second?"
Scrubs
"Just one second? Thank you."
Scrubs
"- It's from my standup act. - Where do you perform?"
Scrubs
"with the scenes from Dr. Acula, the movie I'm making."
Scrubs
"the "Dr. Acula delivers a baby then eats it" scene."
Scrubs
"of Dr. John D. Dorian."
Scrubs
"You take care."
Scrubs
"I don't mind it a turtle's wink."
Scrubs
"Wait, you only pepper your conversation with cute animal imagery"
Scrubs
"if you're smitten."
Scrubs
"- Could you lend me a pen? - Quick as a porcupine's hiccup."
Scrubs
"unless I make you mine..."
Scrubs
"I want what you have, someone to stand up for me when I need it, you know?"
Scrubs
"he carries me to the car."
Scrubs
"I don't want Keith to go."
Scrubs
"There, there."
Scrubs
"Listen up, nametags."
Scrubs
"Apparently, the musical he was producing was just a front for a crystal meth lab."
Scrubs
"Here's the kicker: He fled to Toronto. The freaking Mounties are involved."
Scrubs
"Don't let him in your house, sir."
Scrubs
"He'll steal everything you've got like he stole my camera."
Scrubs
"- That's why you're not laughing. - No, Bob."
Scrubs
"We're not laughing because we're all horrified."
Scrubs
"Huh."
Scrubs
"OK, honey, I know Elliot upset you with this whole Keith thing,"
Scrubs
"I'm wearing red. Should I not be wearing red?"
Scrubs
"She's pregnant, she's not a bull."
Scrubs
"you should not give up on Keith."
Scrubs
"There's no shame in cry-maxing."
Scrubs
"Turk, keys!"
Scrubs
"- And then, the ultimate Cox-block. - [Cox whistles]"
Scrubs
"Hey. Why isn't Mr. Peters in there getting surgery?"
Scrubs
"She thought it would be best if I treated him medically."
Scrubs
"Secondly, she's a cutter."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna kill somebody."
Scrubs
"Still, it's always good to hear the truth."
Scrubs
"- Oh, hey, fellas, how you living? - Large!"
Scrubs
"What, was I not supposed to answer?"
Scrubs
"Until you receive further notice, consider us not speaking."
Scrubs
"I know you took my money to buy that ridiculous coat."
Scrubs
"Did he take more than $400?"
Scrubs
"You think you're pretty smart, don't you?"
Scrubs
"All I think is that leather never goes out of style,"
Scrubs
"and it won't hurt to buy your invalid wife something nice"
Scrubs
"These are just general thoughts about life, nothing specific to you."
Scrubs
"- Hey, dudes. - Don't "hey, dudes" us."
Scrubs
"- You know what bothers me? - Non-threatening colloquial greetings?"
Scrubs
"because, you see, at least rocks are useful to society."
Scrubs
"We build bridges, throw them at guys wearing phones clipped to their heads."
Scrubs
"It's a phone. You can't do this?"
Scrubs
"who they think are flawless."
Scrubs
"That's not the answer you thought you'd hear,"
Scrubs
"Thank God he didn't see this."
Scrubs
"Yeah, Mom, I was listening the whole time. I just couldn't talk."
Scrubs
"[Kelso whistles]"
Scrubs
"Looks like somebody took their new titanium eight iron with a leather grip"
Scrubs
"What? You think I did it?"
Scrubs
"Really?"
Scrubs
"And that! And that!"
Scrubs
"So, hey, I thought you might be hungry."
Scrubs
"I could be wrong, but it looks like two girls."
Scrubs
"Because, at the end of the day,"
Scrubs
"OK, that's enough!"
Scrubs
"I don't know what you are fighting about, but it doesn't matter."
Scrubs
"Mom, I gotta go. You can call me from the road."
Scrubs
"Well, lay it on me, studly."
Scrubs
"It's the way you're so concerned about protecting yourself."
Scrubs
"I mean, no one in this entire hospital has a bad thing to say about you,"
Scrubs
"and I'm guessing that's because you're careful not to rub anyone the wrong way."
Scrubs
"You wouldn't operate on Mr. Peters,"
Scrubs
"See you."
Scrubs
""I feel compelled to tell you that I do,"
Scrubs
"Anyway, I guess people can always surprise you."
Scrubs
"Who's Dr. Briggs operating on?"
Scrubs
"Your patient, Mr. Peters."
Scrubs
"...this isn't a word. - Read it."
Scrubs
"[Imitating Edward Murrow] And good luck. I loved that movie."
Scrubs
"Cool."
Scrubs
"is because it is a violent procedure. You must not be scared, though."
Scrubs
"Uh, Dr. Cox, I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with this."
Scrubs
"- You lost my teaching mannequin. - I don't know what happened to it."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] What movie do you want to see?"
Scrubs
"Inserting chest tube."
Scrubs
"Lisa! God, he was joking!"
Scrubs
"Yes, I was, Lisa. Now take the rest of the afternoon off"
Scrubs
"This is a warning, people."
Scrubs
"Good day."
Scrubs
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