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Clips from Disenchantment (2018) - For Whom the Pig Oinks (S01E01)

"Leaving when the ogre looked away was an excellent strategy."
Disenchantment (2018)
"Now, by my reckoning, the bodies should have landed right here."
Disenchantment (2018)
"Whoa!"
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"Dear God, you've mangled my exquisite face!"
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"Wait, no, that's your face."
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"And that's when I discovered"
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"that the dragon could shoot fire from both ends."
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"Anyway, enough about every detail of my life."
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"Tell me something about you."
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"[distorted trumpet sound]"
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"Ah! Uh."
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"Hi, I'm Elfo!"
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"Ah, whatever. I'm gonna go lay down in the window."
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"All I care about is this sweet, precious elf."
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"They need to prance and dance."
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"Lucky for you, I'm a patron of the arts."
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"But all frolicking stays within castle walls."
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"It's still rolling, but he has stopped screaming."
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"Someone jab him with a sword, make sure he's okay."
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"Speaking of things getting poked, we've got a wedding to plan."
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"Ew. Dad, think out the words before they come out. It's..."
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"- [bells ringing] - [seagulls squawking]"
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"We'll scrub you right up, as clean as a child on his funeral day."
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"Arms up!"
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"Oh. How my Charlie sparkled this morning when they heaved him into the burial pit."
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"He's in a better place now."
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"I don't mean to be insensitive about your dead whatever."
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"I just really don't want to marry this wealthy prince."
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"You understand."
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"But it is your duty as a princess."
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"For our kingdom is rich in tradition,"
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"but their kingdom is rich in... Well, riches."
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"[bubbling]"
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"- Your Highness. - Eh?"
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"The elf may have value far beyond what we expected."
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"It appears there may be truth to the old legends regarding the elves."
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"It seems certain secrets were set down in the ancient writings of Mephismo."
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"[blows]"
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"Anyway, I've read it before."
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"The essence is that there is enormously potent magic in elves' blood."
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"Could this elf's blood be the key to my wildest dream?"
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"But yes, definitely."
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"Hey, Elfo, what are you lookin' at?"
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"I cannot marry that pig Merkimer. [stutters] I can't do it."
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"I'm gonna have to kill him or something."
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"Do it. Do it, do it, do it!"
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"and you and I can look at each other and try not to laugh."
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"Nope. Still alive, but suffering greatly."
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"Sure, you're a violent alcoholic, but you're not a killer."
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"You're right. I'll go have a few drinks and we'll figure something out."
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"Oh."
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"Hey, I'm still naked."
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"I'm naked all the time. You just didn't know it."
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"And now you're never gonna un-know it."
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"Uh, might we borrow this little man for a moment?"
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"I just need to pick his brain."
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"Candlestick in the conservatory? Candlestick in the face?"
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"I think we need to be a little bit more discreet."
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"Oh. Poison could be perfect!"
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"This one causes slow, painful death."
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"This one kills you with kindness and some belladonna."
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"[thuds]"
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"Have you folks been helped?"
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"We're still browsing."
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"Uh, you know what? I'm just not comfortable with murder."
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"and drive him mad with your indecisiveness."
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"I don't know."
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"We're running out of time. [stutters]"
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"[clucks then coughs]"
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"[chicken clucks then wheezes]"
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"[chuckles] Something tickles. Is there a mosquito on my leg?"
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"I only have a small quantity of blood."
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"Excellent. I've asked the eminent Lord Lingonberry"
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"to take part in the experiment."
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"To test the revitalizing influence of the blood,"
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"I shall apply a small measure to the scalp"
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"And... doink."
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"But, ho! Some hair has sprouted in his ear."
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"His ears were always like that!"
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"He's dead."
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"Pity. He was a good man. A family man."
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"Clearly, the volume of blood was inadequate."
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"To extract greater quantities, we'll need more sophisticated methods."
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"Mop Girl, milk him."
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"[squirting]"
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"Now we hope Merkimer's a big enough idiot to fall for this mermaid plan."
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"[chuckling nervously] So, Merkimer, I know I've been a little cold and distant,"
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"and some would say overflowing with revulsion..."
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"That's okay. I don't listen to women."
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"[chuckles nervously] Woo!"
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"That's why I insist you have a bachelor party."
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"It'll be way out on the open seas where the only law is the law of no laws."
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"Anything... goes."
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"Whoa!"
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"They call it a party barge,"
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"It was named after him, but it also has mermaids."
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"Ah, only weak-minded men fall for that."
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"So you'll be pretty much fine."
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"Very well. I'm in."
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"What a gullible idiot."
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"Our first experiment with the elf blood was inconclusive."
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"But these new tests shall reveal its restorative powers."
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"Hmm."
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"Fly!"
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"Oh."
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"[gasps] Are you okay?"
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"Elfo, that's not possible."
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"Why don't you pick on someone your own size? Like a barn!"
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"First of all, sweetie, shut up."
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"I'm not gonna hurt this little guy. I'm gonna leech the magic out of him."
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"Don't you want a magic daddy?"
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"No! Gosh. I don't want a magic daddy,"
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"and I would never call you that even if you were!"
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"Selfish? Maybe. But cruel?"
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"Ah, also maybe."
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"Sire, harnessing the blood's power has proven difficult."
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"Perhaps if I had more to work with..."
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"If this flask isn't filled with elf blood by morning,"
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"[bell dings]"
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"I'm an optimist. I say the flask is half-full."
Disenchantment (2018)
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