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Clips from Broad City - Sliding Doors (S04E04)

"The New York City Snipper is at it again this morning,"
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"snipping women's ponytails."
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"(BEEPING)"
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"- Oh, God! - Ooh, oh, geez!"
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"(BEEPING)"
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"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..."
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"(VOMITING)"
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"(BELL DINGING)"
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"(TAPE REWINDING)"
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"(MUMBLING)"
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"Um, I'm Abbi."
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"Four and three and two and one"
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"Oh, God, I guess I'm just not gonna go to work."
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"Can't you just go in, like, a little bit late?"
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"And it didn't happen, so... Best thing to do right now"
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"Yeah, I, I thought that's what you meant."
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"Oh, cool!"
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"(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)"
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"Sick."
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"(EXCLAIMS)"
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"Ah!"
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"No, it's okay. (GRUNTS)"
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"Can I give you this money?"
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"We all do."
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"All right, I'll take 20."
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"- Do you like Four Loko. - It kinda scares me."
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"No! You know what?"
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"I hate my life."
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"Come on, dude, fuck Grey Dog, I hate that fucking place!"
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"But the one on Carmine is, like, amazing. The staff is so sweet."
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"my friend Morgan just got me this sick catering gig,"
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"- Dude... - (WATER SPRAYS)"
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"- Oh, my God! - (SHRIEKING)"
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"- My notepad! - I got it, I got it!"
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"Oh, this is bad."
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"No, I'm Jewish."
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"Yeah, I'm completely Jewish."
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"- No! - I can't believe it."
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"Listen, I think you look like"
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"for the rest of my life, dude!"
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"Bonus Jonas!"
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"Would you wanna get breakfast?"
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"(WIND CHIMES)"
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"Oh! Thanks."
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"Is that the Kenyan hazelnut?"
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"(SCOFFS) Fine."
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"Fine."
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"MAN: Is this the famous Abbi Abrams?"
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"You must be Matt."
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"Nice to meet you, Abbi."
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"I gotta find something by the weekend, fo' sho."
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"You know, in the meantime, make yourself at home."
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"And I just went food shopping. I'm gonna make you a snack plate."
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"ALL: Hey."
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"Why would you have a suite-ing without me?"
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"We should just go on with it, even though she's here."
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"Oh, my God, again! I showed you one video."
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"no one would have a problem with it."
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"We know this one is just mean."
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"You're a fucking bitch, but I'll go over it with the iron again."
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"Good job."
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"Again, I love your hair curly."
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"- Thank you so much! - Yeah."
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"Yes, they are so hot as a couple and as the leaders of the free world."
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"I mean, I feel like we're finally moving forward."
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"I mean, never backwards. Only forwards!"
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"- Next is a woman. Whoo! - Whoo!"
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"I really want to, but I'm trying to become"
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"Ilana Wexler."
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"I am present and attending."
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"What class is this?"
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"Fake an emergency in 30 seconds."
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"Welcome to my lecture."
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"I stand corrected. (CHUCKLES)"
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"(CLEARS THROAT) ...presentation..."
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"Uh, Miss Wexler, we've gone over this."
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"I'm serious, you bitch!"
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"PROFESSOR: Well, let's move on to the next presentation."
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"It's ten bucks, do you wanna do it?"
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"This is the best day."
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"(BOTH CHUCKLING)"
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"Welcome."
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"I possess the gift."
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"I possess the gift."
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"- Are new friends. - (GASPS)"
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"We are so not dying today!"
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"- It's cool. - I have always wanted to get one."
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"Oh!"
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"Did you... Pff... Did you see that?"
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"Can you help me? Help me!"
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"I can't believe she's ending her show though."
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"Probably watch the Oprah Winfrey Network."
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"Plus, sometimes, they give me free pizza."
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"on the median of that intersection, because when a cop sees me,"
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"So, my roommate's boyfriend is staying with us."
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"Oof... No, no, no, no, no, no, no."
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"Not liking this. This don't look good."
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"No, you gotta call your roommate"
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"right the fuck now and nip this in the ass"
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"Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)"
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"and it's not what I signed up for."
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"that'd be perfect, that's amazing."
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"Thank you so much for being... So open-minded"
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"and for listening to me and hearing me."
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"You were great."
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"Would you ever wanna hang out again?"
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"How was your day?"
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"You know, terrible. Terrible day."
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"I'm sorry."
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"Oh, my God, I would love some."
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"- That's amazing. - I need it today."
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"I know exactly what you mean."
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"You never see that."
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"We should press our breasts into it."
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"I mean, we could just write our names, right?"
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"Whoa."
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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"Abbi with an "I.""
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"Ilana with an "I.""
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"Yeah, I'd like that."
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