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Clips from American Dad! - Great Space Roaster (S05E05)

"You ready, Roger?"
American Dad!
"Roger is truly one of the most interesting people I know."
American Dad!
"He's also a pathetic drug addict."
American Dad!
"- [Chuckling] - Ho, ho!"
American Dad!
"Cocaine. Heroin."
American Dad!
"OxyContin. Meth."
American Dad!
"Steroids. Cooked-down Afrin."
American Dad!
"Euphoria, the fake drug from 90210."
American Dad!
"Okay. Next, I'd like to introduce a woman who is in a rare group for Roger..."
American Dad!
"- one who hasn't penetrated him with a strap-on. - Ho-ho!"
American Dad!
"Let's hear it for Francine Smith."
American Dad!
"And I know Sammy Hagar."
American Dad!
"[All Guffawing]"
American Dad!
"Here's what old Rog did."
American Dad!
"- Here's check 001, the only check Roger ever wrote. - [Stan Laughs]"
American Dad!
"Please note that in the date line, he's written "Today comma 1783.""
American Dad!
"In the memo line, it says "For Drugs, yo.""
American Dad!
"And it's signed "John Travolta.""
American Dad!
"[Howling, Laughing]"
American Dad!
"The rest of the checks have holes in them..."
American Dad!
"because Roger got drunk and raped them."
American Dad!
"[Others Laughing]"
American Dad!
"Roger's June 4 diary entry."
American Dad!
"- And under it, it reads, "Diarrhea equals Rhea Perlman." - [Stan, Laughing] No!"
American Dad!
"[Others Laughing]"
American Dad!
"[Chuckling]"
American Dad!
"All right, it's time to hear from the man of the hour."
American Dad!
"Roger, you drunk, lazy cocksucker."
American Dad!
"Get the waiter's dick out of your mouth and get up here."
American Dad!
"[Stops]"
American Dad!
"Why? Why would you do this?"
American Dad!
"What- What did I ever do to any of you..."
American Dad!
"to make you say those incredibly hurtful things?"
American Dad!
"Roger, this is what you asked for."
American Dad!
"You stay away from me, Francine. All of you stay away from me."
American Dad!
"[Sobbing]"
American Dad!
"We haven't seen you in days."
American Dad!
"Getting my life together. That's where."
American Dad!
"and I decided it was time for a change."
American Dad!
"Well, the person you described in graphic detail and in decent joke form..."
American Dad!
"I got a job at a bank..."
American Dad!
"which should address the monetary problems Hayley pointed out."
American Dad!
"And I'm also three days' sober."
American Dad!
"Stan, thank you for that very loud wake-up call."
American Dad!
"Who's that positive girl with you?"
American Dad!
"This is Ally, my life coach. She also works at Jumbo Juice."
American Dad!
"[Shrieking Laugh]"
American Dad!
"- [Exclaims] - She has weird energy, doesn't she?"
American Dad!
"This is the first piece of paper I haven't sexually assaulted in years."
American Dad!
"So you're not mad at us anymore?"
American Dad!
"- And you do have a history of holding grudges. - What? No, I don't."
American Dad!
"for seven years after Father Murphy was canceled."
American Dad!
"He was just the star, Roger."
American Dad!
"That was the old me. I'm done with all that."
American Dad!
"By the way, Merlin had a producer credit the second season."
American Dad!
"He could have done something."
American Dad!
"- Sit down and have dinner first. - Thank you, no."
American Dad!
"[Klaus] Guys, get in here! The porn channel's coming in for some reason."
American Dad!
"Did we lose the porn?"
American Dad!
"There must have been a gas leak."
American Dad!
"We could've all been killed."
American Dad!
"You know, Roger sure did leave in a hurry."
American Dad!
"You- You don't think Roger had something to do with the explosion?"
American Dad!
"Because of the roast? Guys, you heard him."
American Dad!
"We inspired him to better himself."
American Dad!
"Still, to be safe, we should follow him..."
American Dad!
"you know, just to see if he's doing all the things he says he is."
American Dad!
"[Panting]"
American Dad!
"You know, the other day, I took a walk down to George C. Scott Park..."
American Dad!
"Sun's throwing shadows and all."
American Dad!
"Instead, I went home and watched The Wire."
American Dad!
"Thanks for letting me share."
American Dad!
"[Family Laughing]"
American Dad!
"You guys thought I tried to kill you? Hilarious!"
American Dad!
"[All Laughing]"
American Dad!
"It's- It's so therapeutic to laugh."
American Dad!
"Hey, does anyone have the exact time?"
American Dad!
"- 8:04. - Thank you, my love."
American Dad!
"Ow, ow."
American Dad!
"My running regimen is killing my lower back."
American Dad!
"You were right. Someone is trying to kill us."
American Dad!
"Let's get out of here! Get in the car. Let's go."
American Dad!
"[Tires Screeching]"
American Dad!
"I think we're safe."
American Dad!
"Quick thinking back there, Roger. Roger?"
American Dad!
"- [Pedestrians Screaming] - [Horns Honking]"
American Dad!
"- Wow! This is a really safe car. - Of course it is, Son."
American Dad!
"as well as head curtain-side impact air bags."
American Dad!
"Plus an all-new third row of seats..."
American Dad!
"and OnStar with a one-year Safe & Sound Plan."
American Dad!
"- [Bell Dings] - [Woman] This is OnStar. Is everything okay, Mr. Smith?"
American Dad!
"Everything's fine, Elaine. Thank you."
American Dad!
"- So you are pissed about the roast. - You're damn right I am!"
American Dad!
"in the meanest way possible."
American Dad!
"- And you were all laughing. - Yeah, that's a roast."
American Dad!
"- Roger. - It's too late!"
American Dad!
"And now all I think about is killing you guys."
American Dad!
"That's been my real goal all along."
American Dad!
"My first few attempts failed."
American Dad!
"Nothing set in stone, although I'm pretty sure these scorpions are going in Steve's butt."
American Dad!
"But then I'm not very good with money, am I, Hayley?"
American Dad!
"Roger, you need to stop this now!"
American Dad!
"Nice shot, Steve."
American Dad!
"[Scottish Accent] McGregor- it's Scottish for "bull's-eye.""
American Dad!
"What are we gonna do now?"
American Dad!
"So I'm gonna put him somewhere he can't hurt us."
American Dad!
"[Stan] The Bang Kwang maximum security prison."
American Dad!
"No man's ever gotten out alive."
American Dad!
"- I feel bad for Roger. - Don't."
American Dad!
"- It was either him or us, and I picked us. - ##[TV: Program Theme]"
American Dad!
"An inmate has escaped from the Bang Kwang prison in Thailand."
American Dad!
"The prisoner killed two dozen guards..."
American Dad!
"then built a boat out of their corpses to get away."
American Dad!
"- [Phone Beeping] - [All Yelp]"
American Dad!
"- How- How did you know? - Because I'm right behind you."
American Dad!
"- We gotta get the hell outta here. - Where are we gonna go?"
American Dad!
"- [Phone Beeps] - [Klaus On Recording] Hi. You've reached the Smiths."
American Dad!
"Just so you know, there's nowhere on earth you guys can go where I can't find you."
American Dad!
"- Nowhere! - [Line Beeps]"
American Dad!
"Can I get another iced tea? Anyone watching this game? It's a blowout."
American Dad!
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