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Clips from BoJack Horseman - Our A-Story Is a 'D' Story (S01E01)

"Ding-dong! It's Diane."
BoJack Horseman
"D... D... Damn!"
BoJack Horseman
"Meanwhile, local authorities"
BoJack Horseman
"are already investigating several suspects."
BoJack Horseman
"David Duchovny, Dick Van Dyke, DMX,"
BoJack Horseman
"Are you ill, or hung-over?"
BoJack Horseman
"Because instead of coughing you just said the word cough."
BoJack Horseman
"Plus you left me a long, drunken voice-mail last night."
BoJack Horseman
"Ooh, was it bad?"
BoJack Horseman
"It was mostly a lot of wheezing,"
BoJack Horseman
"as if you were climbing something,"
BoJack Horseman
"followed by the sounds of dismantling metal,"
BoJack Horseman
"and then grunting like you were dragging something heavy"
BoJack Horseman
"I didn't say anything incriminating, did I?"
BoJack Horseman
"As incriminating as that question? No."
BoJack Horseman
"What's that? An actor flaking on an obligation?"
BoJack Horseman
"Did you see? Someone stole the D off the sign."
BoJack Horseman
"Cough, cough, cough, cough, door slam."
BoJack Horseman
"You know, I'm tied up with all my Deans today."
BoJack Horseman
"Kane, Norris, Winters, and Koontz,"
BoJack Horseman
"all being questioned by police."
BoJack Horseman
"It was me. I stole the D."
BoJack Horseman
"You know, your scandal-to-work ratio is, like, five to one."
BoJack Horseman
"Look, I need to get rid of this before Diane sees it."
BoJack Horseman
"Why do you care if Dia... Oh, fish."
BoJack Horseman
"Are you in love with your biographer?"
BoJack Horseman
"What?"
BoJack Horseman
"What?"
BoJack Horseman
"Get out of here."
BoJack Horseman
"You stole the D for Diane. Unbelievable."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah, I don't know. The D might be for David,"
BoJack Horseman
"because apparently when I was drunk,"
BoJack Horseman
"I printed out a bunch of pictures of David Boreanaz."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah. You did that."
BoJack Horseman
"Look, I'll keep your little crush busy long enough"
BoJack Horseman
"but the next three weddings I'm invited to,"
BoJack Horseman
"you're my date, dummy."
BoJack Horseman
"Since when to women your age get invited to weddings?"
BoJack Horseman
"I have a lot of nieces and nephews!"
BoJack Horseman
"you deviant."
BoJack Horseman
"Get it? D-viant?"
BoJack Horseman
"With the chain-link fence from Dodger's Stadium?"
BoJack Horseman
"No. How'd you figure out it was me?"
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, how did I figure it out? Well, I just followed the clues,"
BoJack Horseman
"and also, what did I do?"
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, I listened to the voice-mail you left me"
BoJack Horseman
"so I could, and I quote, "Suck your D.""
BoJack Horseman
"Admit it! You like my girlfriend."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, come on. I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure."
BoJack Horseman
"Do I fantasize about her? Yes, but only in two positions."
BoJack Horseman
"Sure, of course, but do I like her?"
BoJack Horseman
"I'll cut you a deal."
BoJack Horseman
"I help you get rid of that D,"
BoJack Horseman
"Well, I have to talk to her, because she's writing my book."
BoJack Horseman
"Okay, but just don't pursue her romantically?"
BoJack Horseman
"- Deal. - Ha!"
BoJack Horseman
"- I knew I'd get that handshake. - I regret this already."
BoJack Horseman
"Whoa! Buy a guy a drink first."
BoJack Horseman
"Did we just say that..."
BoJack Horseman
"But I don't know if you're gonna get"
BoJack Horseman
"the right attention over there."
BoJack Horseman
"Now we can't offer you the works,"
BoJack Horseman
"but in the Latin Kings, you'll be a star."
BoJack Horseman
"We're number two, and that means we try harder."
BoJack Horseman
"Am I really being courted by two gangs?"
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, I feel like the belle of the ball."
BoJack Horseman
"I've heard so much about."
BoJack Horseman
"Did you just call me here to insult me?"
BoJack Horseman
"What is your secret, lady?"
BoJack Horseman
"I mean, how do you get two grown men fighting over you"
BoJack Horseman
"like a foul ball at a football game?"
BoJack Horseman
"Second of all, nobody's fighting over me."
BoJack Horseman
"BoJack's clearly in love with you."
BoJack Horseman
"Get out of here!"
BoJack Horseman
"Get out of here? Why would I get out of here?"
BoJack Horseman
"You get out of here. This is my office."
BoJack Horseman
"but what's the mustard packet again?"
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, that's just a mustard packet."
BoJack Horseman
"- It's left over from lunch. - Oh."
BoJack Horseman
"No. I still might want it later."
BoJack Horseman
"Good call."
BoJack Horseman
"So how do we get the D from here"
BoJack Horseman
"What, with all these cops and mustards,"
BoJack Horseman
"- it's gonna be a pickle. - Oh, no."
BoJack Horseman
"You think these coffees would get the juices flowing."
BoJack Horseman
"Is that why I feel drunk?"
BoJack Horseman
"Because I've had, like, seven or eight coffees."
BoJack Horseman
"I mean, I admit, it's been bad for ideas,"
BoJack Horseman
"but it's been great for camaraderie."
BoJack Horseman
"Couldn't agree more."
BoJack Horseman
"It's in a two-hour zone."
BoJack Horseman
"and then dump it out into the ocean."
BoJack Horseman
"Stupendous!"
BoJack Horseman
"Take that, the ocean."
BoJack Horseman
"The dates being prison gangs and the prom being a jump-in,"
BoJack Horseman
"on Horsin' Around?"
BoJack Horseman
"Ah, a classic conundrum."
BoJack Horseman
"Well, I recall one time on Mr. Peanutbutter's House..."
BoJack Horseman
"I think he's talking to me, pal."
BoJack Horseman
"You may have invented it, but I think our show perfected it."
BoJack Horseman
"The only thing you ever perfected"
BoJack Horseman
"You know, it's tough."
BoJack Horseman
"I agree with the Latin Kings on social issues,"
BoJack Horseman
"but fiscally I'm more of an Aryan."
BoJack Horseman
"Well, juggling both never ends well."
BoJack Horseman
"He's just staring blankly now."
BoJack Horseman
"Stealing your thunder."
BoJack Horseman
"Hope it's a magical night."
BoJack Horseman
"You leave that to me."
BoJack Horseman
"A celebrity is throwing away his hard-earned cash."
BoJack Horseman
"Everyone pay attention to me."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, it's only one-dollar bills, folks."
BoJack Horseman
"This is a huge story."
BoJack Horseman
"Dollars are like the new penny."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah. Cash is for poor people."
BoJack Horseman
"Just riot over the damn money already."
BoJack Horseman
"Well, nothing to see here, I guess."
BoJack Horseman
"♪ Ooh, ooh ♪"
BoJack Horseman
"Whoa!"
BoJack Horseman
"American singer-songwriter Beyoncé is hurt."
BoJack Horseman
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