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Clips from South Park - All About Mormons (S07E07)

"If you're gonna say things that have been proven wrong,"
South Park
"like that the first man and woman lived in Missouri"
South Park
"then you'd better have something to back it up."
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"All you've got are a bunch of stories about some asswipe"
South Park
"- I don't wanna be Mormon, Dad! - Me, neither."
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"- Yeah! - Hooray for the Marshes!"
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"Yeah!"
South Park
"I'm not hanging around that kid any more."
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"The jilted lover returns."
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"Listen, I just wanted to let you know"
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"- I don't? - Look, maybe us Mormons do believe"
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"The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up,"
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"being nice and helping people."
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"and just be my friend back."
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"Suck my balls."
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"We have a new student joining us today who has just moved here from Utah."
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"I want you all to say hi to Gary."
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"Hello, everybody. It's really great to meet you all."
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"Gary was state champion in wrestling and in tennis."
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"He also maintained a 4.0 grade point average at his old school,"
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"and has been on two national commercials for toothpaste."
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"and share all kinds of great experiences with you, my new friends."
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"and we'll get started with the lesson."
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"Okay, now who can tell me what year"
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"- 1969! - Very good, Gary."
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"No. I'm..."
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"I'm gonna kick your ass,"
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"It's really tough being in a totally new place,"
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"I understand if there's initiation rites."
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"The other kids are watching. Look, do what you gotta do. I won't fight back."
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"I just hope that maybe afterwards we can try to be friends someday."
South Park
"What happened?"
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"- What? How did that happen? - He's a really nice kid."
South Park
"You're having dinner with his family? What kind of family has a kid like that?"
South Park
"Okay, my turn. Five! One, two, three, four, five."
South Park
""Lost your mortgage, pay $10,000"? Oh, no!"
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"- Great to see you! - How are you?"
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"Stan, this is my mom and dad."
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"- And this is my brother Mark... - Hi!"
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"...and my baby sister Amanda."
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"Hello, Stan!"
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"- What's that? - That's when we don't allow any TV"
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"- Doesn't your family ever do that? - No."
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"Hey, kids! Why don't you grab your instruments and play a song for Stan?"
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"- All right! - Let's do it!"
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love my family My family is the best"
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"- Our family! - Our family!"
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"Oh, boy! Who is the best mom in the world?"
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"All right! Go, Dave!"
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""Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs?""
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"That's a great story, Sarah!"
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"from the Book of Mormon?"
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"- All right! - Yeah!"
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"- The Book of Mormon? What's that? - You know,"
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"- the book that Joseph Smith found. - Who's Joseph Smith?"
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"Only the most important person in the world!"
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"- You never heard of him? - No!"
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"- Yeah, tell us, Dad. - Yeah, Dad! All right!"
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"All right, you rascals. Gather round."
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"Well, how do you know he didn't?"
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"- Well, it's true. I did. - Where?"
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"and suddenly, God and Jesus appeared before me,"
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"and they said I should start my own church"
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"Well, yeah, sure. Why would he make that up?"
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"- I am Moroni. I am a Native American. - A Native American?"
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"- But your skin is white. - Yes. Long ago,"
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"and as punishment, God turned their skin red."
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"which will allow you to translate the writings."
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"Joseph Smith was called a prophet Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"What happened then?"
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"The Rice Krispies squares are done!"
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"- All right! - Rice Krispies squares!"
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"That's too bad. Well, it was really nice meeting you, Stan."
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"- Great to meet you! - Bye!"
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"Hey, Dad, how come you never told me about Joseph Smith?"
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"That's not what the Harrisons said."
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"Who are the Harrisons?"
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"Oh, did he, now? What are they, religious kooks?"
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"They're not kooks, they're cool. I mean, how come we never have a night"
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"We have that, Stan. It's called Friday Night Kegger."
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"- But that's just you and your friends. - I said shut up, turd!"
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"Mr Harrison said that I need to be following Heavenly Father's plan,"
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"- and I don't even know what that is. - All right, that does it."
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"I'm gonna go have a talk with this Mr Harrison."
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"- Randy, don't cause trouble. - Let me handle this, Sharon."
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"Oh, you're Stan's dad! It's so nice to finally meet you!"
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"- Well, thanks... - Karen just finished baking"
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"the most amazing Rice Krispies squares."
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"With chocolate frosting!"
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"I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have you over."
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"Look, I actually came over because I'm a little concerned"
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"You know, about"
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"Oh, boy, you think we were trying to convert him."
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"- Well, I... - Mr Marsh, I am so sorry."
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"and we're so used to everyone being Mormon that we..."
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"Oh, boy, you must be furious!"
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"You just heard your son talking about religious ideals that aren't your own"
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"and you said, "Who the heck do these people think they are?""
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"- You can call me Randy. - Randy, the last thing we want"
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"We know there are a lot of beliefs out there, and ours just works for us."
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"Yeah."
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"Who was this Joseph Smith guy? Why did he believe"
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"Another new testament of Jesus Christ!"
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"Last night, a Native American angel"
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"so I went out to the woods."
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"I dug around all morning where the angel had told me to look."
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"Maybe there isn't anything out here."
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"Wait a tick! What's this?"
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"Inside the stone box, I found the magical seer stones."
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"Well, they were the most amazing things I'd ever gazed upon."
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"- Well, so where are they? - Where are what?"
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"The gold plates and the seer stones. Where are they?"
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"the angel Moroni appeared to me again"
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"to anybody."
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"- Wow! - That's amazing!"
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"Even though nobody else ever saw them"
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"So, how'd it go, Clubber Lang? You kick Mr Harrison's ass?"
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"Sharon, did you know this guy Joseph Smith"
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"What are you talking about?"
South Park
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