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Clips from South Park - All About Mormons (S07E07)

"- Oh, dude, what a little asshole. - Yeah, screw that kid."
South Park
"All right, Gary, why don't you take that empty seat,"
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"- Hey. My name's Gary. - Hi. My name's Ura."
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"That's funny. You're cool, man."
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"the first astronauts landed on the moon?"
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"Looks like I don't have a class full of retards any more,"
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"doesn't it, children?"
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"Dude, that new kid is such a douche."
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"Yeah. Somebody needs to put him in his place!"
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"- He's a peckerface, that's what he is! - Go kick his ass, Stan."
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"Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that... smirk off his face."
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"Hey, there! You wanna kick the ball around with me?"
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"- I'm gonna kick your ass. - Excuse me?"
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"How come you wanna fight me?"
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"but I think all you guys are really cool, so"
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"- Let him have it, Stan! - Shut up, Butters!"
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"- What are they doing? - They're just standing there, talking."
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"I'm going over to his house for dinner tonight."
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"- Hi, Stan! - It's so nice to meet you!"
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"...my little brother Dave... - Hi!"
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"Well, it's great you could join us for Family Home Evening, Stan!"
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"and just entertain each other with music and stories."
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"All right, kids, now how about we do some scripture readings"
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"Tell us the story of Joseph Smith again, Dad."
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"Joseph Smith lived in a little American town in the early 1800s."
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"He started the Mormon religion Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"There goes that kooky Joseph Smith."
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"I was out in the woods, praying."
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"I was asking God"
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"if I should be a Protestant or a Catholic or what,"
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"Many people believed Joseph Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"And please bless Mother and Father,"
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"Oh, my gosh!"
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"We all came to America from Jerusalem,"
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"and while we were here, we were visited by Christ."
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"Jesus lived here in America?"
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"Yes. Eventually, my people were all killed by the other tribe of Israel,"
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"These are the Native Americans you know today."
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"that account my people's lives."
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"Find it, and fulfil your destiny."
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"And we all know what happened then, don't we?"
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"- Yeah! - Yeah! I know!"
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"- Rice Krispies squares! - Rice Krispies squares!"
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"Hey, gang, let's wrap some more of them up in plastic wrap"
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"- and hand them out to the poor! - Awesome!"
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"- I can't wait! - Yeah!"
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"- You coming, Stan? - No,"
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"- Bye, Stan! - Bye, Stan!"
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"- Hello? - Oh, hi, Stan."
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"- Who? - Shut up, turd! We're watching Friends!"
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"Well, Stan, God and Jesus don't actually speak to people."
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"and they told him none of the religions were right."
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"Where are you going?"
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"If he thinks he can fill my son's head with wacko religious crap, he's wrong!"
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"I'm gonna go kick this Mr Harrison's ass!"
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"- Mr Harrison is a white guy, right? - Yeah."
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"Goddamn religious kooks! Tell my son what to believe, will you?"
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"Oh, Mr Marsh! What a treat! It's so nice to meet you!"
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"Come on out of the cold. You gotta try one."
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"Or six!"
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"I hear you're a geologist. That is so amazing."
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"God and stuff."
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"We just moved here from Utah,"
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"I'm really, truly sorry, Mr Marsh. It won't happen again."
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"is for people to think we're pushing our religion."
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"To each his own, right?"
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"You know, to be honest, I've never known any Mormons."
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"I don't even know what you people believe."
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"Well, because he found ancient books they had written on gold plates,"
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"I found them! I found them!"
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"You're not gonna believe it, everybody!"
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"- I found them! - Found what?"
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"told me where I could find another testament of Jesus Christ,"
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"Well, I was not allowed to take them. You see, after I found the plates,"
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"Because first I must translate what's written on the plates into English,"
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"so you can all read it."
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"See? That's what happened to me!"
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"Well, it's just that the Harrisons are really nice people,"
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"- That's what they made me think, too! - All right, that does it."
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"Hey, Stan, how was your date last night with the new kid?"
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"and Gary is actually really smart and talented."
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"- Wow, you made this? - Look at them."
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"Aren't they so cute together?"
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"- I'm a lion! - I'm an alien!"
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"My God."
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"That's cool. We're gonna leave you two lovebirds alone."
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"The three of us have to go put in some volunteer work at the homeless shelter."
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"Yeah. I had a question about that Joseph Smith guy."
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"What happened after he found the golden plates buried in the ground?"
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"Yeah, but how?"
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"- Mr Harris, can you keep a secret? - Well, sure, I can."
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"Now, I know you have a lot of money, Mr Harris,"
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"I don't know. How do you expect to translate it?"
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""that Christ appeared before the Nephites... ""
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"And that's how the Book of Mormon was written"
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"Dumb, da-dumb Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Dumb"
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"And? Your turn, Sharon."
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"Well, that's just because he hasn't heard the best part"
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"about the Joseph Smith story!"
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"The one that proves he was for real!"
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"- Yeah! - Yeah!"
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"And showed her pages from the Book of Mormon"
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"And so Joseph Smith put his head into a hat"
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"I wrote it all down, and we're gonna publish it into a book!"
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"Lucy Harris Smart, smart, smart"
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"All right, here. I'm gonna hide these pages."
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"then he'll be able to do it again."
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"Look, I'm sorry about losing the pages we worked on, Joe,"
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"And the Lord said he's very angry with me"
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"Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb"
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"Yes! He is so mad"
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"- Yeah! - All right!"
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"Wait. Mormons actually know this story,"
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"Well, sure! The story proves it, doesn't it?"
South Park
"No, it proves he did make it all up. Are you blind?"
South Park
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