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Clips from Please Like Me - Ham (S02E02)

"That's what got you in there in the first place."
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"I want to party with everybody."
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"I've had a pint."
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"- Is everything okay? - Yeah, it's fine."
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"I'm... I don't have Facebook."
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"The bathroom's a mess."
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"into this place?"
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"Do you want chocolates? Do you want some chocolate?"
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"So you don't want a chocolate?"
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"Yeah, I'm addicted to sex."
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"I know the problem."
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"So why are you actually here?"
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"I'm bipolar."
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"It's like prison, except we don't separate into race,"
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"Like high school mixed with prison."
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"Yes."
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"where the person with the saddest story gets the last treat."
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"- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be good. - Do you really think that's a good idea?"
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"No, it won't... It won't make her sad."
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"- No! - Yeah."
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"She had an asthma attack,"
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"What about you?"
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"My parents were away and Josh's dad took me"
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"That wasn't sad at all."
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"No, that is the saddest story I've ever heard."
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"Yeah, yeah, very sad."
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"and I got really angry so I went to a party"
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"and I got very drunk"
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"Whom I hate."
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"Okay, yeah, I guess that's..."
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"No, I don't mind, I just knew the whole time you were talking,"
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"I don't know... She said it first."
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"No!"
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"Yeah."
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"Have you spent time with your mum while she's elevated before?"
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"I thought I did until we had this chat."
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"Hi, lovey."
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"I'm sorry about my hair,"
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"It looks fine, it looks good. Looks normal."
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"Or phone chargers, or cords at all,"
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"like, just in case we... You know."
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"Yeah, I'm better than her."
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"Because she tried to commit suicide and that's why she's in here."
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"I mean, like, she's got to be at least 81, just let it go."
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"I'm 86."
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"We had pavlova last night and then there's cake every night,"
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"like, there's... Every single night, we can get cake."
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"Like Marie Antoinette."
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"Great!"
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"Good, 'cause I'm feeling really good, Joshy,"
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"better than ever, honestly, really, really."
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"We should do something to celebrate."
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"No, no, they're just letting you out of ICU, they're not..."
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"They're sending you to the other beds,"
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"No, no, Josh, no."
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"Listen to me, listen to me."
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"This is a private hospital, so we can't make you stay here,"
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"but if you decide to leave, I'll have to call the public hospital."
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"Now, if the public hospital thinks"
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"Okay."
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"♪ Yeah ♪"
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"Why didn't you bring my puppy?"
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"You didn't... Did you?"
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"Yeah."
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"Did he seem sad?"
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"That's quite nice, it's firm."
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"No, mum, I'm not the problem today, okay?"
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"I gotta go, okay?"
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"Patrick."
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"Okay, my housemate and friend, Patrick."
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"What do I do now?"
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"- Get better. - Oh, hell."
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"I don't know, I was hoping they might have some ideas."
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"Okay, well, have fun today, lovey."
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"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
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"No, no, no, come tonight, for dinner."
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"I just can't, okay?"
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"Yeah, you don't need any money in there, okay?"
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"It's all taken care of."
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"No, no, I need coins to buy delicious chocolate."
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"Can you bring me some coins, Josh?"
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"Well, as long as you bring me coins."
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"Okay."
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"Okay."
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"Hey."
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"Do we really want people going into the spa?"
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"Hi."
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"I'm early, no one's ever on time."
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"I'm sorry, I'll go."
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"No, it's fine... Welcome, welcome."
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"and then come back later."
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"I'm gonna go take a shower."
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"Yeah... Do you want..."
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"No, no, I don't wanna take your elder flower gin spritzer."
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"It's, like, for everyone. Everyone, elder flower gin spritzer."
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"I love elder flower."
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"Well, if you feel the same way about gin and spritz,"
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"I don't think they're expecting to eat."
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"I know you think you have a big penis."
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"Tom, you're always trying to let me know you have a big penis."
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"- No, I'm not. - Yeah, like the time you told me"
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"that you couldn't fit it into a toilet roll?"
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"Because I'm curious... I'm a curious guy."
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"Why are you telling me about it?"
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"Yeah, okay."
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"It's..."
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"How big is big?"
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"What's going on over here, ladies?"
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"We're just talking about penis size."
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"Thomas thinks he has a big penis."
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"Seven, seven inches."
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"Really?"
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"Six... Six is..."
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"I don't know, I don't know,"
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"Yeah... Yeah, that's pretty thick."
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"Oh, my God."
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"and he just needs you to know, by the way."
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"I thought mine was bigger than average, but no."
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"You know what, I'm really happy with it."
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"And everyone always talks about size."
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