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Clips from Hot in Cleveland - Good Neighbors (S01E01)

"And to wash it all down,"
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"some cold, delicious Cuyahoga River punch."
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"That River was so polluted, it actually caught fire once."
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"But they cleaned it all up."
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"My agent just sent a box of..."
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"ozawa industrial brothers"
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"Mrs. Ladypants. I'm thinking it's not an antiperspirant."
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""Say greeting to Mrs. Ladypant."
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"For best good times, be on dry.""
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"That's weird."
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"There's, like, something in there. Like a..."
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"A diaper."
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"On their butt."
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"Give it up."
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"And they're comfortable and perfectly stylish, and I love them."
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""Preserve..."
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"Freshness of crotch.""
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"So just lay off."
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"where someone's looking past me to find someone more important."
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"Yeah, I hate that."
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"whatever?"
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"Look at those women. Their hair is still wet."
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"Maybe we should take a lesson from them."
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"Or maybe they could take a blow dryer from us."
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"- Hello, ladies. - Hello."
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"I'm Rick from across the street."
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"I just had a glorious morning fishing on Lake Erie."
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"I could bring you some muskie some time."
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"There's that fish smell."
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"- So are you a fisherman? - No, I work for the plain dealer."
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"It's quite a thing to get a best-selling author."
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"And a famous actress. Crazy, huh?"
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"I'm not really an author. One book."
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"But it did sell like crazy."
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"Let her or I'll tell him about your diapers."
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"So was moving to Cleveland one of your list things?"
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"In L.A., everyone is so thin and perfect."
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"It really starts to mess with your self-esteem."
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"But here, I feel great."
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"I see."
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"Wait. I think I'm not communicating very well."
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"to being interviewed as I am."
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"to gather her thoughts and go grab something to eat?"
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"Right, why don't I just go feed my fat, ugly face."
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"What is wrong with me? How did that happen?"
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"- I got to fix this. - Just let it go."
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"But he's our neighbor."
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"I like being likeable."
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"Not to brag, but it's kind of my thing."
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"You should be able to tolerate someone not liking you."
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"You're right. A ton of people don't like you, and you're fine with it."
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"As soon as I fix this."
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"I'm just... I'm sorry."
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"I'd like to explain."
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"When I said that people in L.A."
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"are perfect and thin,"
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"I did not mean to imply that everyone here is fat and ugly."
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"I just mean, people in L.A., they're abnormally thin."
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"Right? Everyone here is normal."
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"They're healthy."
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"I don't know if I would use healthy."
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"What I mean to say is that,"
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"here, you can relax, you know, and let yourself go."
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"You see it happening, but there's nothing you can do about it."
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"So you think we've let ourselves go."
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"I meant that, here,"
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"life is simpler."
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"It's like going back in time."
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"Why aren't you understanding this?"
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"Just simple, I guess."
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"I was wrong. She fixed it."
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"That River hasn't caught fire in 40 years."
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"- I'm sorry. Let me explain. - Oh, no, that's all right."
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"I got a column to write."
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"No, I love Cleveland. I love Lebron. Or I don't. You tell me!"
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"Frankly, you guys are a little wishy-washy on that one."
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"- It's a fabulous party. - Really."
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"Cleveland's a rock and roll town. Lots of party end with fire."
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"I can't help but worry, 'cause if Rick is writing the article"
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"I think he's writing about me, the whole city's gonna hate me."
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"I know what I have to do. I have to go across the street"
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"and talk to him."
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"Because your plan has worked so well up to this point."
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"Why do I have to?"
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"You're the one who went all Don Rickles on Cleveland."
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"Where's Victoria? I'm gonna need her too."
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"Do you think he'll like the wine? Or does it seem pretentious?"
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"God, is this from California? Do they make Cleveland wine?"
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"What did we say about too many questions in a row?"
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"I'm doing it again, aren't I?"
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"What's wrong with me? What is it with me and questions?"
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"It's got writing on it. It says, "Melanie MoRetti is a horrible person.""
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"- How can you read that from here? - I just know."
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"- We have to sneak in and read it. - What?"
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"Don't you see? If it's not bad,"
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"then I'll just relax. But..."
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"someone who really cares about me could delete it."
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"Wait. What's that noise?"
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"Are you wearing your diaper pants?"
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"I have to wear it at least once before I can legally say,"
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""I feel as fresh as Mt. Fuji.""
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"You don't even know why we're breaking in."
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"I'm assuming it's either to read his column or delete it."
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"- See? - All right."
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"Wait, you go first. You have padding."
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"- Oh, my God. - What?"
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"It's terrible. He doesn't even mention me."
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"It's not bad at all. He just says I'm a well-meaning klutz."
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"I guess that trumps award-nominated actress."
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"I am so relieved."
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"- Then what are you doing? - Changing my age, of course."
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"I don't want him to know anybody's been here."
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"Wait, I can still get away with 41."
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"I can't believe we just did that. My heart is still pounding."
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"I haven't felt this excited about getting away with something"
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"since I convinced my fourth husband that I was still a virgin."
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"That was some acting."
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"How about we open that bottle of wine you were gonna give to Rick?"
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"I forgot to bring it out with me, and it's got a note on it from me."
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"You make too much noise."
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