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Clips from Community (2009) - Cooperative Polygraphy (S05E05)

"but this energon pod contains his life... vapor?"
Community (2009)
"just doing the "respect the dead" jig-a-lig?"
Community (2009)
"We complained about him when he was alive. This is different."
Community (2009)
"Just a reminder you gotta live life to the fullest."
Community (2009)
"I don't suppose anyone wants to know I consider this a violation."
Community (2009)
"Let's do it. How do we begin?"
Community (2009)
"- No. - Lie."
Community (2009)
"none of them involved his murder?"
Community (2009)
"No! What kind of question is that?"
Community (2009)
"- Are you sure you're not gay? - Yes."
Community (2009)
"Uh, you could have just said no."
Community (2009)
"It's my money. It's my choice."
Community (2009)
"I'd fill it with oil and hispanic voters."
Community (2009)
"and a couple of bugout bags filled with gold coins and condoms"
Community (2009)
"Does your doomsday plan account for the welfare of any of your other friends?"
Community (2009)
"Benjamin Franklin Chang, ready to deal out the truth."
Community (2009)
"did you ever kill a squirrel with a slingshot"
Community (2009)
"No."
Community (2009)
"- Wait, what? - You told Pierce that?"
Community (2009)
"Look, this is not the issue! You're stealing from me!"
Community (2009)
"And as your roommate, you're making me an accomplice."
Community (2009)
"Or your own Netflix account?"
Community (2009)
"We're ready to begin the formal inquest."
Community (2009)
"And what sandwich would you order from Shirley's Sandwiches?"
Community (2009)
"- Helen of Soy. - Are you aware that,"
Community (2009)
"in order to save money, Shirley stopped using real tofu"
Community (2009)
"No, I did drugs in the parking lot of your church."
Community (2009)
"Guys, these questions are obviously designed to turn us against each other."
Community (2009)
"I know what Pierce is referring to."
Community (2009)
"You told me a hawk stole them!"
Community (2009)
"- They have to be won in battle. - Blegh! Gross!"
Community (2009)
"you can do with your best friend."
Community (2009)
"I was trying to get it back. They're expensive. And he's not moving anymore."
Community (2009)
"- Oh, uh, yes, kind of. - What?"
Community (2009)
"I put 5 milligrams of something-something in your coffees and we all got an "A.""
Community (2009)
"You made a profile for a fake dude and lured her into an online relationship."
Community (2009)
"I noticed whenever you were in a relationship,"
Community (2009)
"Mr. Hawthorne hasn't asked a question in quite some time, Mr. Winger."
Community (2009)
"Confession is good for the soul. You should try it sometime."
Community (2009)
"Wait. That's it."
Community (2009)
"If we're no better than Pierce,"
Community (2009)
"I only give money to homeless people when I'm walking with someone."
Community (2009)
"Don't everybody disagree at once. Oh, Lord, I did it again."
Community (2009)
"You may as well have submachine guns in your mouths. It vibrates my skull."
Community (2009)
"to your race and gender, but to our species,"
Community (2009)
"I also leave you a cylinder of my sperm."
Community (2009)
"by yourself around the entire world."
Community (2009)
"but I think he knew something about me that even I didn't know until now."
Community (2009)
"Because he's offering me something I've been searching for my whole life."
Community (2009)
"Somebody say something!"
Community (2009)
"But oh, my God! I was gonna explode!"
Community (2009)
"But you did it! You did it!"
Community (2009)
"It was amazing!"
Community (2009)
"We should do this every week."
Community (2009)
"Well, that was a weird afternoon."
Community (2009)
"I guess I knew Pierce was part of a weird, futuristic cult,"
Community (2009)
"Well, let's not judge."
Community (2009)
"Everyone has a right to whatever fake religion they delusionally choose."
Community (2009)
"Abed, you were by the coffin for a long time."
Community (2009)
"- Are you okay? - I'm okay. Although..."
Community (2009)
"♪ Troy and Abed are in mourning ♪"
Community (2009)
"Will you guys please stop doing that?"
Community (2009)
"I can't believe you did it during your eulogy."
Community (2009)
"So uncomfortable."
Community (2009)
"You were singing "mourning" with a "u"?"
Community (2009)
"Oh, no."
Community (2009)
"So Pierce's body is in the coffin, and we buried it,"
Community (2009)
"in this incredibly persuasive literature they passed out."
Community (2009)
"Once you reach level 16, you can see the color blurble."
Community (2009)
"Of all the ridiculous cartoon nonsense."
Community (2009)
"If there is a blurble, the Lord keeps it hidden for a reason."
Community (2009)
"What up, N-Bombs? How was the funeral? Awesome?"
Community (2009)
"No, Chang, our friend's funeral was not awesome."
Community (2009)
"It was deeply sad. You know, funeral style."
Community (2009)
"Excuse me. I thought you guys hated Pierce."
Community (2009)
"- We did not hate Pierce. - Craziness."
Community (2009)
"All right, are you sure you guys aren't"
Community (2009)
"I think you have us mistaken for you, Chang."
Community (2009)
"I don't know. I definitely remember you complaining about him a lot."
Community (2009)
"Can't believe we'll never see him again."
Community (2009)
"By the time Pierce was my age, he had already been fired from 15 jobs."
Community (2009)
"I've only seen two Police Academies."
Community (2009)
"The last two."
Community (2009)
"Well, he's gone too soon but won't be soon forgotten."
Community (2009)
"I would say you're quite correct, Mr. Winger."
Community (2009)
"- Who the hell are you? - My name is Mr. Stone."
Community (2009)
"That's easy for you to say."
Community (2009)
"- And for us to say. - I work for Mr. Hawthorne."
Community (2009)
"He specified in his will that no matter how natural in appearance"
Community (2009)
"the circumstances of his death,"
Community (2009)
"a private inquest should be conducted"
Community (2009)
"to determine whether any one of you,"
Community (2009)
"his former study group, murdered him."
Community (2009)
"What?"
Community (2009)
"To be cleared, you must all submit to a polygraph test."
Community (2009)
"Aw, schnizzle. You guys are in trouble!"
Community (2009)
"- Later. - Mr. Chang, I presume."
Community (2009)
"You're also listed as a suspect and requested to participate."
Community (2009)
"- Fine, but I ask the questions. - I'm afraid I can't allow that."
Community (2009)
"All right, then just the "fine" part."
Community (2009)
"- We're losing Pierce! - Everyone, quickly!"
Community (2009)
"Someone get a balloon."
Community (2009)
"I always wanted to try a polygraph. They're like the pie fight of cop movies."
Community (2009)
"Or the acupuncture of the legal system."
Community (2009)
"I can't believe Pierce would think we might murder him."
Community (2009)
"Yeah, what a waste of murder. I mean, he was, like, 79."
Community (2009)
"Come on, it's just Pierce being Pierce. It's his final wish."
Community (2009)
"If I had a final wish, I'd use it to stay alive."
Community (2009)
"We're to start with miss Perry."
Community (2009)
"- State your name. - Britta Perry."
Community (2009)
"Have you ever had any thoughts of violence towards Pierce Hawthorne?"
Community (2009)
"I mean, I may have wanted to slap him now and again, but I didn't kill him."
Community (2009)
"In all your sexual fantasies about Pierce Hawthorne,"
Community (2009)
"But you have had sexual fantasies about Mr. Hawthorne."
Community (2009)
"just as Mr. Hawthorne wrote them down, I assure you."
Community (2009)
"- Mr. Winger, state your name. - Jeffrey Winger."
Community (2009)
"- Are you gay? - No."
Community (2009)
"- Gay murderer says what? - What?"
Community (2009)
"He's telling the truth."
Community (2009)
"I've been instructed to point out that that means you're gay."
Community (2009)
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