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Clips from Farzar - Memory Wars (S01E01)

"We had so many actual great times together when I was growing up."
Farzar
"Like the time you taught me how to ride a bike."
Farzar
"Attaboy, Fichael. Keep pedaling. You're doing it."
Farzar
"You're the best son a bicycle could have."
Farzar
"Wait, why does that memory end with a production card?"
Farzar
"Oh my God. Did you fake that one too?"
Farzar
"Do you know how many times I got beat up"
Farzar
"for telling kids my dad could turn into a flying bicycle?"
Farzar
"None. I put those memories in too, to build character."
Farzar
"Are any of my memories real? What about that time I almost drowned?"
Farzar
"Hold on, son, I'll save you."
Farzar
"I love you, Dad."
Farzar
"I love you too, son."
Farzar
"Almost as much as I love the dual zone climate control on the new Lexus RX."
Farzar
"Yeah, I'm pretty fucking great."
Farzar
"Experience amazing at your Lexus dealer."
Farzar
"You sold ad space in my memory?"
Farzar
"Is that why I'm currently paying leases on 32 Lexuses?"
Farzar
"And because it's got smart park technology."
Farzar
"[growls]"
Farzar
"Great. Now the goddamn Wendigo wants a Lexus."
Farzar
"Or a hand job. I'm not fucking fluent in Wendigo."
Farzar
"[beeping]"
Farzar
"Ah, at last, time for my afternoon delight."
Farzar
"Checking out Mommy's bubbly beave."
Farzar
"Hey, Barry."
Farzar
"What is this? Where's Mother? She's never been out of the shower!"
Farzar
"Well, she's not getting back in the shower"
Farzar
"unless you help me get my human parts back."
Farzar
"Fine. I'll do it."
Farzar
"Just get Mother back in the shower before she dries out."
Farzar
"Don't worry. She's fine."
Farzar
"I sold your legs to that guy. He said they'd make him better at basketball."
Farzar
"Hey. Why did you assume my legs would make you better at basketball?"
Farzar
"Uh, because I was born without legs."
Farzar
"Oh. Oh, sorry. I just can't stand it when people reinforce racial stereotypes."
Farzar
"Now give me them legs before I bust a cap in your ass."
Farzar
"And there's your heart."
Farzar
"Doctor, that's a--"
Farzar
"Don't say anything. I want to get out of here by six."
Farzar
"-So, uh, who'd you sell my ass to? -That guy."
Farzar
"Ooh, all the ladies love Donnie Double Ass."
Farzar
"Ooh, I'm living the two-ass dream."
Farzar
"One for shits and one for giggles."
Farzar
"Ooh, now who wants to hear me fart in stereo?"
Farzar
"Ah! Me! I wanna hear that shit!"
Farzar
"Honey, you remember Barry Barris."
Farzar
"He's the kind man who sold us the new arm for our son."
Farzar
"[babbling]"
Farzar
"You're one fucked-up dude, Barry."
Farzar
"We better get that off before that baby starts teething and I end up in prison."
Farzar
"When I pull this lever,"
Farzar
"your consciousness will be transferred back into your human self."
Farzar
"Ooh, I can't wait to be human again!"
Farzar
"Ha ha! I'm back! It worked!"
Farzar
"Nah! No, it didn't. I'm still here!"
Farzar
"Oopsie. Looks like I hit copy paste instead of cut paste,"
Farzar
"which means that your consciousness now exists in both bodies."
Farzar
"Wow. This raises some major philosophical questions"
Farzar
"about the nature of existence."
Farzar
"-Well, good luck with that shit. -Hey, you can't leave us like this!"
Farzar
"Hey, I did my best."
Farzar
"If you don't like it, you can kiss my asses."
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"Master, we could easily take the human city"
Farzar
"now that I've invented this."
Farzar
"It's a tetracarbon suit"
Farzar
"that allows the wearer to literally walk through the dome's protective barrier."
Farzar
"Oh. May I see that, please?"
Farzar
"Your plan sucks wet shit!"
Farzar
"You know, maybe if you brought me an idea as good as my idea for the idea furnace,"
Farzar
"all of your ideas wouldn't have to go into the goddamn idea furnace!"
Farzar
"[grunting]"
Farzar
"Drop it. You drop that mail, Gorpzorp. Goddamn it, stop eating the mail!"
Farzar
"Bad scientist!"
Farzar
""Dear Bazarack, it's me, Flammy the Queen, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.""
Farzar
""I command you to leave my husband alone.""
Farzar
""It's taking a horrible toll on our love life.""
Farzar
"Sir, there's dissent within the royal bedroom."
Farzar
"Renzo is distracted. We can seize power by simply--"
Farzar
"Writing the queen a love letter, courting her,"
Farzar
"blowing her back out, marrying her, and becoming czar!"
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"Now, who knows pretty words?"
Farzar
""Dearest Flammy, your beauty staggers me.""
Farzar
""I lie awake in this violet hour,"
Farzar
"tossing and turning, longing for your tender touch.""
Farzar
"Holy fucking shit. How'd you think of that with your dumb dog brain?"
Farzar
"Somebody get this little fucker a Snausage."
Farzar
"This letter is almost perfect."
Farzar
"It just needs one more little thing."
Farzar
"Yeah, all right."
Farzar
"Ah. The hard part's getting it centered."
Farzar
"Mm-hmm."
Farzar
"A Polaroid of your anus?"
Farzar
"Gots to show her what's on the menu."
Farzar
"Then Steve was Black and Denzel was white for the whole episode."
Farzar
"[laughing]"
Farzar
"Oh, shit, that show sounds terrible."
Farzar
"What are you doing here?"
Farzar
"This is my work."
Farzar
"This is my work. I'm Scootie."
Farzar
"I'm Scootie!"
Farzar
"Seems there's only one way to settle this."
Farzar
"Dance competition!"
Farzar
"[dance music playing]"
Farzar
"I think we have to give the robot dance"
Farzar
"to human Scootie."
Farzar
"How can I not win that? I'm literally a fucking robot!"
Farzar
"[scoffs] Exactly. He was dancing. You were just moving."
Farzar
"Guys, come on."
Farzar
"There's no reason that the S.H.A.T. Squad can't have two Scooties"
Farzar
"and all do stuff together as a group."
Farzar
"Cool by me. And I've got just the perfect thing."
Farzar
"Water park!"
Farzar
"Oh! This is awesome!"
Farzar
"That handsome motherfucker knows if I get wet, I'll die."
Farzar
"Looks like this planet ain't big enough for two Scooties."
Farzar
"And I'm gonna have to kill"
Farzar
"myself."
Farzar
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