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Clips from Farzar - Memory Wars (S01E01)

"[announcer] Welcome to Adoraball,"
Farzar
"the official pastime of Farzar."
Farzar
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome"
Farzar
"-the ball! -[giggles]"
Farzar
"-[cheering] -Finally something pleasant for once."
Farzar
"[whistle blows]"
Farzar
"Oh, shit!"
Farzar
"Oh, shit!"
Farzar
"Oh! Uh…"
Farzar
"[screaming]"
Farzar
"Ooh, bold move by Coach Nagy, calling in a napalm strike this early."
Farzar
"Remember, folks, he only gets one a quarter."
Farzar
"This is weird game. What are rules?"
Farzar
"I have no idea."
Farzar
"Like every white sports fan, I'm just here to get drunk and yell at minorities."
Farzar
"[yells]"
Farzar
"It's pretty basic."
Farzar
"Each team has a lifter, a grumpus, a power grumpus,"
Farzar
"a zepler, a turkleton, and a point guard."
Farzar
"Now, first team to 14 blarney baskets wins"
Farzar
"unless a Jakubowski flip-flop has been pre-authorized"
Farzar
"or the one-eyed gnome sees his shadow."
Farzar
"Yeah. You lost me at "it's.""
Farzar
"These guys suck! I'm way better at Adoraball than any of them."
Farzar
"Oh, bullshit! You never played Adoraball."
Farzar
"My dad and I used to play all the time when I was a kid."
Farzar
"It seems a little violent for children."
Farzar
"In what possible way?"
Farzar
"[cheering]"
Farzar
"That was nice to see you give that little boy head."
Farzar
"Oh, for the last time, he was an 18-year-old dwarf."
Farzar
"Oh, you were talking to Fichael."
Farzar
"-Ah! -[buzzer blares]"
Farzar
"[announcer] You all know what that buzzer means. Time to release the Wendigo!"
Farzar
"[growls]"
Farzar
"Oh my, tough break."
Farzar
"The Wendigo has eaten all but seven players,"
Farzar
"meaning the blue team will have to forfeit."
Farzar
"Game's over? Oh no. I was looking forward to three more hours of stupid shit."
Farzar
"Well, lucky you, 'cause "stupid shit" is my middle name."
Farzar
"Fear not, lovers of sport!"
Farzar
"For I, brave Prince Fichael Stupid Shit,"
Farzar
"decree that I shall join the blue team"
Farzar
"so the game can continue."
Farzar
"Don't do it, Fichael! You can't go out there."
Farzar
"Aw, you're scared I'll get hurt."
Farzar
"Fuck, no. I got five grand on the blue team. Although…"
Farzar
"Hey, let me put five Gs on Fichael getting his dick eaten by the Wendigo."
Farzar
"Go get 'em, tiger!"
Farzar
"Okay, team, I've run this play a thousand times with my dad"
Farzar
"and I've never dropped the Adoraball once."
Farzar
"Let's go!"
Farzar
"[cheering]"
Farzar
"29, 94, 30, 19."
Farzar
"Put those years on my tombstone when I die in about two seconds."
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"I got it! I got it! I--"
Farzar
"[siren blaring]"
Farzar
"At least I caught that ball."
Farzar
"Oh, you certainly did… not in any way catch that ball."
Farzar
"[announcer] Not only did Prince Fichael lose the game"
Farzar
"by not making the easiest catch ever,"
Farzar
"but he handed victory to the Wendigo."
Farzar
"In accordance with Adoraball rules,"
Farzar
"Czar Renzo must now grant the Wendigo a wish,"
Farzar
"which can only end badly for all of us."
Farzar
"Congrats, Fichael, on being the MVP."
Farzar
"Motherfucking Vile Peckerhead."
Farzar
"[stutters] I don't understand how I dropped that pass."
Farzar
"I remember practicing for hours with my dad."
Farzar
"[sweet dreamy music plays]"
Farzar
"There's a simple explanation, Fichael."
Farzar
"That memory is fake."
Farzar
"Renzo asked me to implant it into your head using a memory gun."
Farzar
"I don't understand. Why would he do that?"
Farzar
"I'm guessing so he wouldn't have to spend time with you."
Farzar
"I mean, you are a hall-of-fame MVP."
Farzar
"But I do apologize, Fichael,"
Farzar
"and I promise that's the only unethical thing I've done."
Farzar
"-Visiting hours are over. -Thanks, fat Scootie."
Farzar
"Wait a minute, did that fat, white dude just have my old head for a head?!"
Farzar
"Hmm. Yes, funny story."
Farzar
"After your head got cut off,"
Farzar
"I was able to flip it for a little scratch on the black market."
Farzar
"Just like I did with all your other human parts."
Farzar
"Barry, that's fucked up!"
Farzar
"Not as fucked up as using science to change a child's memory."
Farzar
"I am not going to say it again. He was an 18-year-old dwarf!"
Farzar
"[adventurous music playing]"
Farzar
"♪ Farzar ♪"
Farzar
"Dearest, tonight, I was thinking we could try something different,"
Farzar
"making love with the lights on."
Farzar
"Okay, let me put on some protection."
Farzar
"No blindfolds!"
Farzar
"How about eclipse glasses?"
Farzar
"No! I want you to gaze upon my lustful flesh."
Farzar
"[trilling]"
Farzar
"-[grunts] -Ah!"
Farzar
"I looked directly at it."
Farzar
"[groans] You're as mushy as a microwaved french fry."
Farzar
"Are you still stressed about your war with Bazarack?"
Farzar
"Yeah. Bazarack's the reason my pecker's playing possum."
Farzar
"Not because your body looks like an overused candle."
Farzar
"I will not stand for this. I will write Bazarack a letter."
Farzar
"It's high time I gave that alien a piece of my mind."
Farzar
"Uh, Flammy, we have pens."
Farzar
"What do you mean? This is a pen."
Farzar
"Uh, Shady Acreon, get the room ready. We have reached dementia level titty pen."
Farzar
"Dad, we need to… What the heck?"
Farzar
"See what you've got me into, Fichael?"
Farzar
"I've been granting Wendigo wishes all goddamn day."
Farzar
"[growls]"
Farzar
"Excuse me. Wendigo wants me to Boot Scoot Boogie."
Farzar
"[country music plays]"
Farzar
"I thought the Wendigo is only entitled to one wish."
Farzar
"I told him that."
Farzar
"I also told him there was a rule that he couldn't wish for unlimited wishes."
Farzar
"So this clever motherfucker wished for ten billion wishes."
Farzar
"Why couldn't you catch that damn ball?"
Farzar
"I shouldn't have even been on that field! Why would you give me a fake memory?"
Farzar
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