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Clips from M*A*S*H - Edwina (S01E01)

"You should forget about your mind and pay more attention to your body."
M*A*S*H
"Or ifyou don‘t have the time, let me do it foryou."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m very concerned about Eddie. — Me too."
M*A*S*H
"You‘d think there would be one for Eddie."
M*A*S*H
"but she has a gift for calamity."
M*A*S*H
"— She‘s a land mine in bloomers. — Hawkeye!"
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t we patent your ears? We could sell a million ofthem!"
M*A*S*H
"I knew it was an alkaloid, but I forgot about its association with other amoebocytes."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ve had the same problem. — Uh, excuse me, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— | just got something in my eye. - Dirt?"
M*A*S*H
"You put a heat compress on it, and you start lookin‘ in the mens‘ shower for a few days."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t you wanna know what I heard while I was peeking?"
M*A*S*H
"Frankly, I‘d rather know what you saw while you were peeking."
M*A*S*H
"Nurse Cutler‘s got ‘em all organized."
M*A*S*H
"She said unless someone gets very friendly with Nurse Eddie,"
M*A*S*H
"things are going to get very cool around here."
M*A*S*H
"— ”Very cool”? — And very lonely."
M*A*S*H
"[ Ha wl"
M*A*S*H
"Weaken the fiber of our brave men in white."
M*A*S*H
"These boys depend on their relaxation..."
M*A*S*H
"to rene w and refresh their flagging spirits."
M*A*S*H
"Mmm! You smell divine."
M*A*S*H
"| just washed my hair."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, I‘vejust given myself the rest ofthe day off."
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t we lock the door and study a few old medical journals?"
M*A*S*H
"—I have to wash my hair. — You just did——"
M*A*S*H
"What‘s going on, Leslie?"
M*A*S*H
"All week long, every time I‘ve wanted to be alone with you,"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re gonna wind up with a head that looks like a cue ball."
M*A*S*H
"Excuse me."
M*A*S*H
"[ Ha wl"
M*A*S*H
"Could you pass the salt, please?"
M*A*S*H
"[ Ha wl"
M*A*S*H
"Henry, you‘re the commanding officer."
M*A*S*H
"Command the girls to cut this out. It‘s drivin‘ us nuts."
M*A*S*H
"Let‘s not get carried away, huh?"
M*A*S*H
"—I mean, we‘re not boys. We‘re men. — Thanks for the reminder."
M*A*S*H
"And doctors, besides."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve been hit by this thing too, you know,"
M*A*S*H
"and you don‘t see me falling apart."
M*A*S*H
"— Shower‘s ready, sir. — Is it cold?"
M*A*S*H
"— |cy, sir. — Excuse me."
M*A*S*H
"The time has come to end the siege."
M*A*S*H
"Someone, at whatever risk to his life or limb,"
M*A*S*H
"someone must make Lieutenant Edwina Ferguson his own."
M*A*S*H
"— I was close. — And I refuse to be part of this unholy confiuence."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, Frank, I think I speak for everyone here..."
M*A*S*H
"to our little enterprise, you will be stripped naked,"
M*A*S*H
"painted purple and dropped by helicopter behind enemy lines."
M*A*S*H
"You wouldn‘t dare."
M*A*S*H
"Yo."
M*A*S*H
"[Hawkeye’s Voice] There comes a time in ei/erysoldier’s life,"
M*A*S*H
"from the lo wliest private to the lo wliest officer,"
M*A*S*H
"when he must put his own well—being second.."
M*A*S*H
"his comrades in arms, his war buddies."
M*A*S*H
"L et us each in his very own quiet heart say to that courageous man..."
M*A*S*H
"whoever he may turn out to be:"
M*A*S*H
"Shall we make it two out ofthree?"
M*A*S*H
"[Chattering]"
M*A*S*H
"[Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"Knock—knock. Hope we‘re not interrupting anything."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, what are they?"
M*A*S*H
"They‘re wearing our kind ofuniforms, but they‘re not built like us."
M*A*S*H
"They‘re all, uh, soft and bumpy."
M*A*S*H
"|cou|dn‘t think ofthe word."
M*A*S*H
"Now if| could only remember what they‘re for."
M*A*S*H
"Wejust popped in to see what was happening."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m still hoping for a recount."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I want you women to know that I was fully opposed..."
M*A*S*H
"to this degenerate, depraved,"
M*A*S*H
"immoral, perverted and indecent proposal."
M*A*S*H
"But ifit must occur——"
M*A*S*H
"What do army regulations say about strangling a man with his own tongue?"
M*A*S*H
"— Get out of my way. — Ah! Don‘t worry, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s too late for that now. I‘m spoken for."
M*A*S*H
"Now we‘ll all get to see how the great lover operates."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, they‘re forceps. I‘m—I‘m sorry."
M*A*S*H
"Perfectly all right. I like forceps too."
M*A*S*H
"May | join you?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, sure."
M*A*S*H
"— This is why this stuff is such a disappointment. — Oh, it‘s not too bad."
M*A*S*H
"how they can make food taste like it‘s been drafted."
M*A*S*H
"Here, let me, um, let me serve you."
M*A*S*H
"Oh. Thanks."
M*A*S*H
"—No. —Hmm?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, for an entree, you can have pork chops..."
M*A*S*H
"or our cook‘s award—winning beefstew."
M*A*S*H
"And you can have some vegetables or some gravy that won‘t hurt you..."
M*A*S*H
"ifyou don‘t swallow it."
M*A*S*H
"_ — Huh? No gravy."
M*A*S*H
"— Some coffee? — Please."
M*A*S*H
"You want to sit together?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re really lucky to be, uh, to be going home."
M*A*S*H
"I have this recurring fantasy that I‘ll go home..."
M*A*S*H
"and my familywill have left without any forwarding address."
M*A*S*H
"You know, I could get 20 years for talking to myself."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I‘m just trying to figure out whyyou‘re sitting here."
M*A*S*H
"You usually eat with Margie or one ofthe other girls."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, you‘re one ofthe other girls. — Why don‘tl believe you?"
M*A*S*H
"That‘s because you believe in the popular notion ofme as a glib, insincere operator."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s right. — Those are only some of my qualities."
M*A*S*H
"—Conniving. — Right."
M*A*S*H
"But underneath that, there‘s another me."
M*A*S*H
"Nonetheless, I still don‘t understand..."
M*A*S*H
"No, on second thought, make that my golfer‘s oath,"
M*A*S*H
"You know, I wonder what makes people attracted to each other?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, the first girl I really fell for was—— it was just chemistry."
M*A*S*H
"You mean, an electrical excitement?"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, no, no."
M*A*S*H
"She wrote all my chemistry papers."
M*A*S*H
"— Disgusting. —Vi|e."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, thanks, Coach. — Really. We appreciate it."
M*A*S*H
"— that she and I are having a date tonight. — Oh, great!"
M*A*S*H
"Great? Shejust stepped on my ankle. I have a run in my leg."
M*A*S*H
"— You‘ll be fine. — Mmm."
M*A*S*H
"just in case she breaks my lips tonight?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, I love the wayyou have your place fixed up."
M*A*S*H
"Trapper took a correspondence course in interior decorating."
M*A*S*H
"He failed it, ofcourse. Excuse me."
M*A*S*H
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