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Clips from NewsRadio - Complaint Box (S03E03)

And this...

"And this..."

NewsRadio

So I see you've stormed the dean's office.

"So I see you've stormed the dean's office."

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Me neither.

"Me neither."

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BOTH: Hoo!

"BOTH: Hoo!"

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Yup, yup, yup.

"Yup, yup, yup."

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This is Dave's office.

"This is Dave's office."

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Who's that?

"Who's that?"

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Matthew!

"Matthew!"

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Yeah, sure--! Good, good.

"Yeah, sure--! Good, good."

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Can you hear me, Mr. James?

"Can you hear me, Mr. James?"

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"Furthermore, no employee of Jimmy James, Incorporated,

""Furthermore, no employee of Jimmy James, Incorporated,"

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of shared beliefs, religious or otherwise.

"of shared beliefs, religious or otherwise."

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for what they believe in.

"for what they believe in."

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Ah, what if it's something crazy like the ancient Egyptians

"Ah, what if it's something crazy like the ancient Egyptians"

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were actually Martians who came to Earth looking for water?

"were actually Martians who came to Earth looking for water?"

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34.6 million.

"34.6 million."

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"Section 18: any formal complaints regarding co-workers

""Section 18: any formal complaints regarding co-workers"

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"Once you read these employee guidelines,

""Once you read these employee guidelines,"

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MATTHEW: Query.

"MATTHEW: Query."

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Recognized.

"Recognized."

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We don't have a complaint box.

"We don't have a complaint box."

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JOE: Okay. There.

"JOE: Okay. There."

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I signed something without reading it,

"I signed something without reading it,"

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I had to do Bill's dry cleaning for a year.

"I had to do Bill's dry cleaning for a year."

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Mm-hm. I don't think what Bill made you sign

"Mm-hm. I don't think what Bill made you sign"

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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And on top of it all, I had to pay Joe a $20 processing fee.

"And on top of it all, I had to pay Joe a $20 processing fee."

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Well, at least the three of you

"Well, at least the three of you"

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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This is the Garrelli 5000 Voice Recording System.

"This is the Garrelli 5000 Voice Recording System."

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And your rings. Your rings.

"And your rings. Your rings."

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Wow. Now I got a clicking and a ringing.

"Wow. Now I got a clicking and a ringing."

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Nothing much. We wasted about an hour and a half

"Nothing much. We wasted about an hour and a half"

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Well, who wouldn't, after that beautiful word-picture.

"Well, who wouldn't, after that beautiful word-picture."

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Well, I didn't. Thanks.

"Well, I didn't. Thanks."

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So...

"So..."

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Tell you the truth, I'm a little bored.

"Tell you the truth, I'm a little bored."

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[IN A SENSUAL VOICE] Hi, Jimmy.

"[IN A SENSUAL VOICE] Hi, Jimmy."

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[CURIOUSLY] Hi.

"[CURIOUSLY] Hi."

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Oh, it's no good.

"Oh, it's no good."

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Shh. I hear something.

"Shh. I hear something."

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Shh. Come on. We got a background noise problem.

"Shh. Come on. We got a background noise problem."

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into the most sensitive of listening devices.

"into the most sensitive of listening devices."

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Hang on. Dave wants to see me.

"Hang on. Dave wants to see me."

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I know, I know. And by the way, how was the...

"I know, I know. And by the way, how was the..."

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I haven't had oatmeal in years.

"I haven't had oatmeal in years."

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employee conduct guidelines, and, uh...

"employee conduct guidelines, and, uh..."

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through official channels."

"through official channels.""

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Who ratted me out?

"Who ratted me out?"

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Then who do you want me to rat on?

"Then who do you want me to rat on?"

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Hold on. Let me at least tell you what the complaint was.

"Hold on. Let me at least tell you what the complaint was."

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Please tell me we're not going to have to do

"Please tell me we're not going to have to do"

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No, of course not.

"No, of course not."

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Who?

"Who?"

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And besides, these cards are anonymous.

"And besides, these cards are anonymous."

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Matthew.

"Matthew."

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Soul.

"Soul."

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Thank you.

"Thank you."

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through official channels."

"through official channels.""

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All right, look, don't take this thing too seriously.

"All right, look, don't take this thing too seriously."

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Because I happen to know who wrote it and why.

"Because I happen to know who wrote it and why."

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"Matthew tells long, boring stories

""Matthew tells long, boring stories"

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Ouch.

"Ouch."

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Don't worry. It's just somebody's idea of a joke.

"Don't worry. It's just somebody's idea of a joke."

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I think it is.

"I think it is."

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I mean, people are trying to work out there,

"I mean, people are trying to work out there,"

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Jeez.

"Jeez."

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You wrote this complaint about yourself, didn't you?

"You wrote this complaint about yourself, didn't you?"

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I cannot divulge that information.

"I cannot divulge that information."

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No, I'm not even here right now.

"No, I'm not even here right now."

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Look, Ma-Matthew,

"Look, Ma-Matthew,"

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because I wouldn't let him use my nail file.

"because I wouldn't let him use my nail file."

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If I don't respond to each of these complaints officially,

"If I don't respond to each of these complaints officially,"

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[BUZZER RINGS]

"[BUZZER RINGS]"

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[BUZZER RINGING]

"[BUZZER RINGING]"

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...you get special treatment because you are

"...you get special treatment because you are"

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I'm sorry. Oh, well.

"I'm sorry. Oh, well."

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tore up that little complaint,

"tore up that little complaint,"

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Really? Oh, yeah.

"Really? Oh, yeah."

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And completely inappropriate.

"And completely inappropriate."

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Bill, I'm serious. I'm not amused, all right?

"Bill, I'm serious. I'm not amused, all right?"

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Well, Dave, how stupid could they be?

"Well, Dave, how stupid could they be?"

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And this one: "I have doobie in my funk."

"And this one: "I have doobie in my funk.""

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"You got chocolate in my peanut butter."

""You got chocolate in my peanut butter.""

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I don't quite get this one.

"I don't quite get this one."

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It says, uh, "I try to be good, hard worker man,

"It says, uh, "I try to be good, hard worker man,"

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Oh, then that--

"Oh, then that--"

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And, "Help. I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box."

"And, "Help. I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box.""

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[ALL LAUGH]

"[ALL LAUGH]"

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DAVE: Now, seriously, guys, I know--

"DAVE: Now, seriously, guys, I know--"

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Listen, you guys, seriously. Has anybody seen Mr. James?

"Listen, you guys, seriously. Has anybody seen Mr. James?"

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[BOTH LAUGHING]

"[BOTH LAUGHING]"

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Oh, yeah.

"Oh, yeah."

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[BOTH LAUGH]

"[BOTH LAUGH]"

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somewhere out there in that great big city!

"somewhere out there in that great big city!"

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Well, we're here.

"Well, we're here."

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Hey, sweetie. Hi.

"Hey, sweetie. Hi."

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Where have you been?

"Where have you been?"

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I snuck Jimmy in under my coat.

"I snuck Jimmy in under my coat."

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Well, I was saying that when one employee lodges a complaint

"Well, I was saying that when one employee lodges a complaint"

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Okay, this is actually a very serious matter.

"Okay, this is actually a very serious matter."

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Well, what does that mean?

"Well, what does that mean?"

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particularly to describe

"particularly to describe"

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This has gotten completely out of control.

"This has gotten completely out of control."

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Well, to be honest with you,

"Well, to be honest with you,"

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Hey. Wait, now, hang on for a second.

"Hey. Wait, now, hang on for a second."

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I've had nightmares like this.

"I've had nightmares like this."

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Joe!

"Joe!"

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Oh. It just stopped.

"Oh. It just stopped."

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There it goes again.

"There it goes again."

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Joe, this clicking,

"Joe, this clicking,"

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Could be. Mm-hmm.

"Could be. Mm-hmm."

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maybe a label with the words "Garrelli 5000" on it?

"maybe a label with the words "Garrelli 5000" on it?"

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Huh.

"Huh."

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Don't-- Don't!

"Don't-- Don't!"

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we now have a new policy concerning complaints.

"we now have a new policy concerning complaints."

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filling out paperwork."

"filling out paperwork.""

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Have a seat, sir.

"Have a seat, sir."

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Just hang on. Keep it down for a second.

"Just hang on. Keep it down for a second."

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Uh, all right, well...

"Uh, all right, well..."

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