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Clips from Married with Children - Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (S03E03)

"Daddy, I am practically a woman."
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"Why don't you just do what I do when I get hungry?"
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"Now, for instance, well, let me show you what I mean."
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"Now..."
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"and you've got a nice little dose of simple carbohydrates,"
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"It makes a hearty base for soup."
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"You know, spending here, spending there,"
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"Come here, kids."
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"Peg, let me state this as clearly as I can."
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"Hi, Peggy."
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"I am working on a way to increase our income."
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"Hmm, "sperm donors.""
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"Yeah, well, think about it."
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"Now, this looks perfect."
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""to distribute an exciting new line"
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"work in your own home, earn lots of S's.""
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"Even better!"
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"Al is gonna be a Patty girl."
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"Hey."
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"I did not have two children checking with Al."
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"so we like our Patty girls to wear our cosmetics."
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"Sure."
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"and a nice commish it was too."
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"in addition to my regular order."
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"That was delicious, Daddy."
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"is it all right if I keep the money I make?"
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"Thank you."
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"Look, it's a check..."
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"Gee, Dad, Mom makes more than you."
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"Or do we call you "Dad"?"
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"Let's go to the mall now. You can watch me spend."
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"it sat on my head."
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"Oh, don't worry, Al."
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"It's not like I'm going to rub your nose in it."
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"[SHOUTING] Everyone, guess what!"
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"WOMAN: Well, Al,"
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"Yeah, right, Mom."
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"Try saying that when you're sober."
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"I just heard the news about Peggy's income."
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"Oh, sure, if you believe what's written on your car."
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"and Tater Tots Marcie calls dinner."
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"Yep, I'm just a..."
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"I can't let her beat me."
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"That way, I'll seem like I'm a better salesman than her,"
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"Ah..."
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"we got a lot of unhappy passengers out there,"
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"um, I had to leave the bridge to tell you this, but, um,"
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"and that goes on last."
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"and it's been washing the coloring off the tomatoes."
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"they didn't say anything about cooking."
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"Oh, there's some burger fur in there."
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"a 60-year-old man"
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"Let's just talk, like, you know, dude to dude, okay?"
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"and I'm trying to do my homework."
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"Look. Look, just get back to work."
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"God, I never should have fired my dad."
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"from Patty Brite cosmetics."
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"How does she do it, Steve?"
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"than a man who sells shoes and burgers?"
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""Peggy Bundy,"
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"Ah, here it is."
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"Look, Al, why don't we just skip over her"
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"Alrighty."
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"Peggy Bundy.""
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"Yum!"
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"but you send them much bigger ones,"
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"'Cause that's how I make my money."
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"$623."
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"Well, at least you're not in real estate."
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"[***]"
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"Nuh!"
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"Peg!"
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"Dinner!"
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"Peg no home."
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"She go shop. We no eat."
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"Kelly, why don't you cook up old Dad something to eat?"
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"I don't cook."
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"Get a date."
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"And slit your skirt up to your chin."
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"Bud, you don't date. How do you eat?"
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"Well, just like the proud Indian,"
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"I've learned to live off the land."
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"Now..."
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"you see this crack between the stove and the wall?"
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"Every now and then, I'll find, say...a fuzzy M&M."
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"you just peel the protective coating,"
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"and don't throw away that colorful shell."
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"Well, then, I'll get the hanger, and a little piece of gum,"
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"and a-hunting we will go."
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"Oh, hi, Kelly."
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"Oh, ha ha."
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"Hi, Al."
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"Thanks, Peg."
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"I had a French fry on the hook, and you made me drop it."
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"It'll be there tomorrow."
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"You know, I have a bone to pick with you, Al."
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"There wouldn't be any meat on it, would there?"
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"No."
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"I am really upset."
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"I went shopping today."
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"to warm up to some serious shopping."
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"Well, just when I was loose and ready..."
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"Bam! You ran out of money."
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"Look at these bags."
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"This is what you make, Al."
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"All of it."
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"I must be the most patient woman on Earth."
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"Kids, I am sorry you had to hear this."
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"Oh, I wasn't listening, Mom."
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"Oh, um, Dad, could we have some money to go out to dinner?"
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"Kids, today's Thursday."
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"You know we don't eat till Friday."
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"Al, you are a total disgrace."
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"Here you go."
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"You can always depend on Mom."
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"Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Mom."
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"There. You happy, Al?"
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"Now, I'm broke too."
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"Well, we may as well face it."
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"We just can't make it as a single income family anymore."
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