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Clips from Da Ali G Show - Neil Hamilton (S01E01)

"This week's subject is the law."
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"We're going to Valer Hall, where we'll meet Sergeant Hyers"
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"who'll take us through some of the recruit scenario training."
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"in some Philadelphia police recruit training."
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"- Wicked, man. - We'll do some scenarios"
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"You're gonna be 2310 car."
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"This is Officer Brinkman."
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"- (Hyers) Your new partner. - Yo, respec'."
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"Yo, Brinkman, is you good cop and I is bad cop?"
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"- You're... - Who's the good cop?"
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"(Ali) Yo, yo, yo. (Radio) '2310 car.'"
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"- There you go, 2310. - Yo, this be me,"
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"(Radio) 'Take 8501 State Road and meet the complainant"
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"- 'for a report of a burglary.' - No doubt."
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"(Brinkman) Know what a burglary is?"
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"- You go in first. - Put it down. We don't need it."
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"- I'll give you cover. - OK, all right."
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"Yo, we is here looking for a burglary."
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"- This is my partner. - Yo."
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"- (Woman) Yes. - 13-inch colour television."
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"What was you watching?"
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"- That's good. - He wasn't here at the time."
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"Oi, that ain't the time to get her number, man."
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"He's... crap."
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"Yo, this be 2310. We be back on the road"
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"after my man Brinkman finally finished his shit."
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"- (Radio) 'OK, no profanity here.' - Sorry about that."
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"Got the siren on."
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"What happens if they see us?"
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"- W-What? No, keep it down. - All right, so they don't know."
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"You can take this when we get out."
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"- Wicked. - All right."
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"You have to put this out. Look, look..."
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"One black male, one white male."
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"2310, there's three men. One brother, one honky, and one..."
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"- (Laughter) - What's the "S"?"
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"We refer to the person as a white male."
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"- Not as a honky. - Why not?"
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"A honky in the United States is not a nice term for a male."
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"- For a... for a white person. - Why not?"
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"It's like an ethnic slur."
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"Yo, this be 2310."
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"'You should be at the cone shack in the middle of the driving course.'"
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"- The cone shack? - There's been a burglary."
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"- So... - That's him. Is that the geezer?"
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"Keep your distance!"
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"- What's going on? - You like the taste of steel?"
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"OK, this is what we do on a "man with a gun" call."
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"(Brinkman) Tell him to put his hands up."
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"Yo! Yo, mofo."
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"Put up your hands or you is gonna be shot by us."
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"OK, tell him you see the gun."
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"I can see the motherfuckin' gun. Put them up."
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"- You can't curse. - Tell him to get on the ground."
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"Yo, stick your head in that ground and eat the dirt."
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"- OK, walk around him. - Yo."
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"Put your right hand up, sir."
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"- What's he got? - Get a hand free, take the gun."
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"- Where's the gun? - Where did we see it?"
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"- Put your gun away. - (Hyers) Put it away."
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"- No, don't point it at him. - It's fake."
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"- OK, that's fine. - He's got a fake gun."
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"- (Hyers) Still do your job. - OK."
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"- You tried this with a fake? - He might have another."
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"- He might have another gun. - You thought that was funny?"
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"You picked the wrong cop to fuck around with, slimeball."
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"Search him! You wanna be a cop or not?"
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"- Touching what? - Blokes, blokes."
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"What's a bloke, man?"
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"- Let's do the search! - Let's go."
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"You don't need your gun. What do you need that for?"
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"Do you wanna be a cop or not?"
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"- Ah, look at this. - What have you got?"
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"- Where's this from? - OK, he's got money."
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"- Not in your pocket! - Why not?"
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"- He'll say you stole it. - He probably nicked it."
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"He's handcuffed. Put it back in his pocket."
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"Did you get that money from someone?"
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"There, take your hand. (Laughing) You gotta touch!"
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"That was Cop 101 at the Philadelphia Police Academy."
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"What did you think?"
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"(# East European folk-pop)"
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"you cannot just go to her father's house"
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"and swap her for 15 gallons of insecticide."
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"Before American woman will allow you in her vagine"
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"you must do something called dating."
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"(# Disco rock)"
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"My name is Jenny."
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"to see if Great Expectations is right for you."
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"What would you like to see happen"
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"if you met your ideal woman?"
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"- So, are... - I will give her television,"
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"remote control, a red dress, I hope will fit her."
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"So you have a good life and back home"
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"- you can provide for her? - Yes. Yes."
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"- OK, great. - But if she cheat on me..."
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"But if she cheat on me, I will... crush her."
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"You will crush her?"
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"Honey, you won't qualify for our membership"
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"if you're prepared to crush a woman."
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"You can break up with her and divorce her but you cannot... No crushing."
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"I want her to have no history of retardation in family."
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"You're not gonna find Americans with plough experience."
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"Us American women, we don't have plough experience."
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"But not... not much, maybe one year or..."
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"Um, honey, I have zero plough experience."
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"And she must be tight,"
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"- What about race? - Er..."
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"No Jewish, OK."
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"All right, tell me what you enjoy, your interests."
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"- Shoot dog. Shoot. - Oh, OK."
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"- No. - But I am..."
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"In America, if you say that on your profile,"
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"Even though I am big, like a can of Pepsi?"
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"- What does it mean, oral? - Mouth."
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"- I like it in the mouth very much. - But that's what I mean,"
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"women in America feel that any sex with somebody else,"
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"even if it's using your body, your sexual organs,"
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"- your mouth, your hand... - I like mouth."
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"(Borat) Do I need to bring a gift?"
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