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Clips from Eastbound & Down - Chapter 3 (S01E01)

"Come on, man. You know people."
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"...these are the priceless heirlooms from my reign as king of the ball field."
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"This one right here?"
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"This bat we sold? This bat is my home-run bat."
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"It's been a while since you've been on top."
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"With your connects, motherfucker, come on."
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"And it's not an insult to the talent that you had..."
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"With what?"
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"I mean, maybe it is fated that you are here on this earth..."
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"I love you, April."
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"But in order to be a standout, an all-star, a champion..."
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"What are the chances that I'd have all this stuff..."
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"Let me go back up and do what I came here to do."
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"- Marcus? - Yeah."
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"...but how's taking steroids gonna get you back in the big leagues?"
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"See in life, when you have talent, all the other shit doesn't matter."
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"My business is being a goddamn powerhouse and making millions."
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"...do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did?"
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"I would say that my biggest flaw, my Achilles heel..."
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"- Congratulations, sweetheart. - Congratulations, my ass."
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"I'll see what I can do."
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"Now with your help, I sold it for 7 fucking bucks to some asshole."
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"I need you to score me some juice."
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"I'm talking 'roids. Don't act like you don't know about drugs."
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"I'm Allan Hicks. I'm a college recruit from UNCW, man."
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"Cassandra, get up."
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"You need something that you can't work for."
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"A perfect pitch."
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"Well, technically, yes, but dude's got dick for style."
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"What do you say? We got a deal?"
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"You can't or you won't?"
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"He's got no showmanship, no personal pizzazz."
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"- Fuck this kid. - Totally. Fuck him."
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"I always thought it was a shame how things turned out for you."
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"Running, stretching, physical conditioning."
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"Kenny Powers says good luck with your fucking career."
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"It's not just the bat, Cassie."
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"Then I can just have time just to focus up on the day-to-day."
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"Hold on to your dick!"
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"I've been blessed with many things in this life:"
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"Okay, so basically, we're gonna post your things online..."
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"And then the highest bid wins."
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"Hey, has the petty cash come through yet?"
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"- Okay, I... - But save your receipts."
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"It's gonna cost more, but if you drop my name..."
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"...in the goddamn World Series. I've autographed each of them."
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"- And you can't fuck this up. - Whatever you want, Kenny."
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"...I can't sell shit for my own things?"
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"- You're training again? - You bet your ass. Morning, noon and night."
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"Go back to sleep, Dustin."
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"...but time changes people's memory sometimes..."
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"Hey, Caldwell."
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"I have a knife! I have a knife!"
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"If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills..."
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"...but see you at school."
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"All right, now, I want this stuff categorized, inventorized..."
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"Yes, I was driving."
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"All right, well, I'm gonna split because I got priors..."
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"Dustin, this "junk" is the answer to all our prayers, man."
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"Well, look at that."
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"Cutty, what do you need, bro?"
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"I knew we were wasting our time coming down here, Kenny."
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"...comes with a gaping hole in need even Kenny can't fill."
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"...who do you think is gonna pay 5 grand for a broken bat?"
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"...don't ever fucking second-guess me, all right? Rule number one."
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"Yeah, sure, your past is valuable, because it made you who you are today..."
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"Okay, you need to calm down and tell me what's going on."
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"Like a good friend that will be there for you always."
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"Yeah, or like... Like a... Like a best friend."
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"That's a huge task."
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"How's that? Am I out of your peripheral?"
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"...until you actually do post your things online."
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"- What's the damage? - Kenny, I don't want anything from you."
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"Wayne, you might... There's some Kenny Powers cookies in there."
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"...but I'm not gonna budge on the pillow."
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"It's a goddamn steal."
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"Yeah, he's some hotshot pitcher trying to be me."
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"I wanna know when he plays. See what this imposter's working with."
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"It was real nice meeting you, Kenny. Watch it, prick."
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"Cassie, get up."
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"Okay?"
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"One coach tried to put me on a weight-training program..."
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"- Can I try it on? - Yes, you may."
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"I can't sell one. It's part of a set."
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"Dude, it ain't happening, man. Come on."
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"I don't think we're gonna open a credit-card account for you..."
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"- You bet your ass you are. - You know it."
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"I don't know what that means, Cassie."
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"...and then people will compete for the items, thus driving the price up."
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"- ...you should get a discount. - Okay, cool."
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"Hey."
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"Come on."
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"Cassie, I know how the fuck eBay works. What I wanna know is how much."
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"What? You guys can sell tickets to a cancer-kid dance..."
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"In a nutshell, you can train all you want."
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"Yes."
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"Kenny..."
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"Kenny Powers?"
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"I'm not paying y'all 2 bucks an hour for nothing, all right?"
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"You don't know what the market's gonna be..."
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"- Aid me? - Yeah, you know, like..."
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"...to have for when you're older."
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"- Okay? I'm not gonna charge you. - Then why are you doing it?"
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"All right, fine. We'll lower the price of the bat..."
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"All right, cool dudes."
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"- But he's in high school. - So what?"
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"I'm coming back whether the big leagues want me or not."
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"I just so happen to see more in you, Kenny."
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"...and I was like, "You and your weights can fuck off somewhere."
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"Come on. I don't have that kind of money. Just sell me one ball. That's all I need."
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"So let me get this straight. You want me to lower the prices..."
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"- I don't know what the fuck is so funny. - Well, just..."
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"- It is you, man. How you doing? - Who's asking?"
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"...because I am awfully intrigued."
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"Hell, no!"
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"Don't try to tell my warriors what to do."
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"Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!"
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"Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!"
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"I'd probably have done the same thing."
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"The whole goddamn thing, a thousand bucks."
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