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Clips from Eastbound & Down - Chapter 3 (S01E01)

"Oh, it's good, Kenny. I found the boy pitcher."
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"- Caldwell. - Oh, for real?"
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"Man, I am so excited, I can't wait to see you to..."
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"I watched you whip the cracks off of Wilkes Central's butts..."
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"- You had a lot of talent back then. - Hey, he still does."
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"That's out of the kindness of my heart. The real deal is the training."
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"Watching high school kids is my business, son."
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"- Kenny... - Okay."
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"Don't go, baby."
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"You butt-fucked me, Cassie. Out of $4993."
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"...for good and bad."
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"...and they'll tell you that the foundation of a baseball player..."
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"...for the many challenges a baseball player faces."
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"You know what Kenny Powers says?"
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"I'm not lifting that shit. It's heavy."
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"...who would be on top then?"
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"The guy with the talent."
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"It is, isn't it?"
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"You can work on your catching, on your throwing, on your running."
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"Smashing a brick through a dude's window..."
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"Just do all my bullshit. My fucking running around."
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"Yes, of course you were. Of course you were."
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"What in the hell?"
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"- We have 16. - Sixteen."
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"I'm gonna sell this memorabilia. We can make millions."
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"I would love to talk to you one-on-one about said proposal."
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"Wayne's Triple H sweatshirt just sold for $15."
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"I never bought into native American mythology."
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"You got me?"
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"It's just part of my... I have to observe my teachers."
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"A lot of people, Dustin. That's the bat I hit my only home run with."
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"Funny you ask. You obviously have an eye for quality."
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"You look like a retarded Michael Myers. It's not a good look."
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"Stevie, first of all..."
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"Didn't turn out too bad. You know, I'm sober now."
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"Kind of makes you see what's really important, don't it?"
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"Oh, and what's that? Looking at a bunch of boys throwing balls..."
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"You wanna know what's going on?"
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"I know my past is more valuable than 7 bucks."
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"- Like an assistant? - Yeah... No..."
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"I'm trying to get back into the big leagues."
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"I could use somebody like you."
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"Gives me a little charge. That's so fun."
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"Cassie, I'm talking about how much. How much for you? What's your commish?"
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"Well, you're about to find out that I ain't like most of these damn teachers."
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"Anyway, so besides getting shot in the back of the head..."
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"Name of the game, kids: Thunderdome."
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"These are the things that prepare your body..."
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"Yeah. Yeah!"
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"Anyone who wouldn't pay that price is a fucking idiot."
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"Word is Kenny Powers is coming back."
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"That is a foam middle finger. How many of those do we have?"
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"Oh, my God. Kenny, what is it?"
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"Tell me why I need training when I'm strong enough..."
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"I'm two days away from being in the best condition of my life."
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"No... What...? You were driving."
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"You could learn something instead of just criticizing."
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"What do we do with all this awesome, unwanted Kenny Powers shit?"
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"an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python..."
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"- Minus dickhead here. - No, Cass."
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"Trying to bite the Powers fucking style."
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"Watch it, ass blood."
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"But don't ask me to trust them, even nuns, because every pair of tits..."
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"Honest, just straight."
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"...but you need to start thinking about your future."
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""Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless.""
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"...but I'll be willing to give it to you for four hundy."
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"You gotta buy them all. It's all balls or no balls."
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"One thing I hate, it's losing. If there's two things..."
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"...in my children's names."
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"- As handsome as me. - Fuck you, I'm Kenny Powers."
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"Put it on."
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"Well, we will lower the asking price..."
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"I don't know that many folks that..."
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"...starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals."
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"I know I shouldn't use that word, but that's how I feel right now, man."
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"You say, "You fucking mess with me, I throw a brick in your face!""
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"People will buy this shit. Sixteen or 17? Sixteen?"
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"What's all this junk doing here?"
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"he drives me around when I get shit-hammered."
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"I don't know. That depends. Were you driving?"
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"Fuck, dude, an assistant."
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"If you really wanna sell this stuff, just put it on eBay. I could list it for you."
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"What...? What happened?"
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"- I'm lucky to be alive. - No, you..."
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"...and that's what my assistant does:"
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"You can smoke a pipe till your dick falls off..."
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"Not that I get high, but if I did, my shit would still believe in Jesus Christ."
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"So people often ask me, "Kenny, what are your weaknesses? Do you have any?""
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"Maybe God wants us to get rich as hell off of this shit."
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"Here's what I need you to do. Call Kevin Nakashi in Seattle."
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"- A casualty of my fucking war. - Hey. Consider it done."
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"Fuck yeah, it would be nice. I will be generous with my wealth."
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"- I don't have his number. Find that too. - Okay, got it."
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"Loved ones, such as yourself, are a blessing to me in our family..."
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"...by being generous and blessful."
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"Every fucking one of them, even the ugly-as-shit ones."
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"...it's losing and getting cancelled."
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"Yeah, nice job making 3 bucks a week, you dipshit."
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"Pliny Caldwell?"
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"- My hands were tied, man. - I understand."
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"...because I was on a good run and now I've just lost it."
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"Here, let me pull one up."
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"Did the damn zero key get stuck, honey? Good Lord."
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"From this moment on, you guys are no longer little kids."
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"I can roll with that. Well, April, since you're so concerned..."
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"- Why? - Because you hate me."
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"Don't tell me what to do."
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"...maybe we should use the bids to, like, drive the price up."
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"And I've killed people."
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"Well, you're almost messing it up. Look at that, huh?"
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"I mean, I thought they tested pretty hardcore for that shit."
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"It's valued at over $2,000, I have a thousand."
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"I'm in the middle of some intense goddamn training."
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"Behold, gentleman."
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"- Now, that, that's how you do? - That's how I do."
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"No, I'm just not the guy to help you. Wish I could though."
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"...that I could have access to. You know, just to..."
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"- What are you talking.? - Gotta be out of your mind."
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"Excuse me for being a fucking businessman, Dustin."
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