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Clips from Community - Pilot (S01E01)

"Can I sign up twice?"
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"I'm taking the class as an easy credit. I'm actually a Spanish tutor."
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"- Board certified. - Can you say that in Spanish now?"
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"on more hour, do not scratch my car."
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"Or jefe."
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"- The group meets at the library at 4. - Britta. Thanks."
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"You're gonna be there?"
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"That means see you there."
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"Shouldn't be too hard to fake a study group, right?"
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"I'm sorry."
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"I was raised on TV"
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"and I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over 50"
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"is a cosmic mentor."
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"Were you conditioned to pay for your damn tacos, Sein-field?"
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"Yes, I'm so sorry."
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"It's Seinfeld."
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"Bienvenido."
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"All right, come on in."
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"Got the whole table."
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"- Got the whole room. - Here's the..."
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"Contact sheet. Just put your stuff there."
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"But we can get acquainted."
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"- I like big talk. What's your deal? - That's not small talk?"
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"What's your deal and is God dead?"
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"You want to know my deal?"
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"I dropped out of high school because I thought for some reason"
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"it would impress Radiohead."
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"You'd be surprised what gets back to these guys."
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"I joined the Peace Corps."
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"Did a little foot modeling."
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"I got tear gassed at a world trade rally."
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"Marry me."
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"And I guess, Jeff, my deal is, above all else, honesty."
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"Tell me the truth, I like you. Lie to me, I will never talk to you."
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"- That's my deal. - A good deal."
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"So what's your deal?"
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"I would say anything to get what I want and I want you to like me."
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"That's a very honest answer."
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"Now I like you."
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"- You're easy. - Yeah."
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"Abed in the house!"
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"- Why? - Britta invited me. Is that cool?"
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"I can't think of a single logical reason why not."
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"There you go."
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"Here. Put your contact info down right there."
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"That's right."
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"- It's like Breakfast club? - We are in a library."
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"- if we talked about it. - Have somethin balled up?"
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"I got a little doozy in the chamber if things get emotional."
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"Text message."
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"- Let's give this bad boy a read. - It's probably just for you."
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"I've never gotten one of these."
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""Say you have to pee. I need to talk to you"."
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"- "Say you have to pee". - That is weird."
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"- "Say you have to pee. I need to... " - Do you have to pee?"
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"- That's so weird. - I'm stumped."
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"with a misguided grasp of abbreviation."
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"I need five minutes, so go ahead and study all the..."
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"verbs in Spanish."
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"You look like Elisabeth Shue."
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"Just act natural. Pretend you're watching the athletic proceeding."
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"He's kind of trucking."
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"Suppose I was to say to you it was possible to get those answers?"
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"I would say, "Go for that", and could have said so in a text."
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"I'm asking you if you know the difference between right and wrong."
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"I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough,"
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"I could make anything right or wrong."
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"So either I'm God or truth is relative."
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"And in either case, booyah."
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"It's just the average person"
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"has a much harder time saying, "Booyah", to moral relativism."
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"You don't have to play shrink to protect your pride."
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"I accept. You're chicken."
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"I'm using regular psychology on a spineless, British twit."
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"I'm a professor! You can't talk to me that way."
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"- A 6-year-old girl could talk that way. - Because that would be adorable!"
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"No, because you're a 5-year-old girl and there's a pecking order."
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"Pleasure."
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"Why am I still shouting?"
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"I'm drawing attention to myself."
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"You guys aren't gonna believe this, but the rest of the group..."
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"is here."
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"- Are you the board-certified tutor? - That means you do my homework, right?"
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"- Where's Britta? - I invited people from the class."
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"- Cool? - It's the coolest."
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"I'm gonna go to the bathroom"
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"and bring my jacket,"
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"wallet, and keys with me"
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"in case there's a fire."
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"We go with him?"
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"Ileave my homework with Slumdog Millionaire."
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"That's racist."
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"And busted."
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"- Listen. - Now you know. I'm a smoker."
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"Yeah, but they're filtered, so that makes them safe."
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"Ready to get started? The rest of your group showed up."
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"Not mine, actually. I think Abed took out a page on Craigslist."
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"And I was trained never to say this,"
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"Really?"
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"So why don't you and I go study over..."
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"- Dinner? - Or drinks."
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"I think, actually, we should prioritize here"
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"They will be..."
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"untutorable."
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"Look at this crew."
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"All ready to study all night."
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"- Well, I can stay at least till 10:00. - But who studies with strangers, right?"
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"My name is Pierce Hawthorne and yes,"
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"that is Hawthorne as in Hawthorne wipes, the award-winning moist towellete."
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"- I was gonna ask. - Also a toast master,"
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"- so I should do the introductions. - Definitely!"
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"You already know Brittles. Abed."
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"- Abed the arab. Is that inappropriate? - Sure."
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"- Roy the wonder boy. - Troy."
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"- Princess Elizabeth. - Annie."
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"And finally, this beautiful creature is named Shirley."
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"Is that even close?"
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"Why did I have to find out about this group on accident?"
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"- This is way more like Breakfast club. - There's breakfast?"
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"- Maybe we should get started... - I've been in a lot of study groups"
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