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Clips from Roseanne (2018) (S01E01)

"I thought I'd be a huge success by now."
Roseanne (2018)
"I-I thought I could buy a huge house..."
Roseanne (2018)
"Anyway, please just don't tell Becky and D.J. about this."
Roseanne (2018)
"My scathing commentary on their life"
Roseanne (2018)
"[SINGSONG VOICE] My little loser."
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, I finally got you alone."
Roseanne (2018)
"Are you out of your damn mind?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Dan and me don't want her to be a surrogate!"
Roseanne (2018)
"You always believed in "my body, my choice.""
Roseanne (2018)
"so it's my choice."
Roseanne (2018)
"to have their own opinions about anything, can you?"
Roseanne (2018)
"So you tell them how stupid they are all the time,"
Roseanne (2018)
"what they believe in their heart"
Roseanne (2018)
"is the right thing to do"
Roseanne (2018)
"that tears America apart"
Roseanne (2018)
"and brings the world to the brink"
Roseanne (2018)
"You kept saying"
Roseanne (2018)
"and how I wasn't seeing the big picture"
Roseanne (2018)
"and then I go into the booth"
Roseanne (2018)
"Who's Jill Stein?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Some doctor!"
Roseanne (2018)
"and feel so stupid that I choked,"
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, the important thing is that you voted."
Roseanne (2018)
"I miss the family..."
Roseanne (2018)
"but I would rather be alone"
Roseanne (2018)
"that I just happen to be a charismatic person"
Roseanne (2018)
"And I never said you were stupid."
Roseanne (2018)
"You're relatively smart."
Roseanne (2018)
"And I guess I didn't mean to imply"
Roseanne (2018)
"you want the government to give everybody free health care"
Roseanne (2018)
"who can't do simple math."
Roseanne (2018)
"And... you...?"
Roseanne (2018)
"[VOICE BREAKING] I forgive you."
Roseanne (2018)
"[GASPING AND SQUEALING]"
Roseanne (2018)
"I mean, it is like looking in the mirror"
Roseanne (2018)
"Now, I have all the paperwork here"
Roseanne (2018)
"Uh, Agreement Form, Medical Release..."
Roseanne (2018)
"Mm, say no more."
Roseanne (2018)
"Do you think I could warm them up"
Roseanne (2018)
"If you're not happy, I have no chance of being happy."
Roseanne (2018)
"I also have some questions about your genetic history,"
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, you must have put it someplace"
Roseanne (2018)
"I'll wait 'til he has a couple of beers first."
Roseanne (2018)
"doesn't mean we have to give up,"
Roseanne (2018)
"when you're out drinking in the garage, Dan."
Roseanne (2018)
"They're all yours."
Roseanne (2018)
"anybody to drive you to appointments,"
Roseanne (2018)
"It's on the kitchen counter."
Roseanne (2018)
"I mean, this might come as a complete shock to you,"
Roseanne (2018)
"Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch tattoo?"
Roseanne (2018)
"[SNIFFLES]"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, puh-leeze!"
Roseanne (2018)
"than let you bully me again."
Roseanne (2018)
"[STRAINED] Brace yourself, Mother!"
Roseanne (2018)
"to watch you kill yourself slowly, eating old Easter candy."
Roseanne (2018)
"but this feud is getting way out of control."
Roseanne (2018)
"'cause I said very nice things about her"
Roseanne (2018)
"to the boy's section of Target."
Roseanne (2018)
"My mom always makes me"
Roseanne (2018)
"I'm sorry, Harris, but I-I..."
Roseanne (2018)
"Game over."
Roseanne (2018)
"This is so unfair."
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, looky here."
Roseanne (2018)
"if only you hadn't killed off"
Roseanne (2018)
"- He was a gentle giant. - [CHUCKLES]"
Roseanne (2018)
"Now I got to go take"
Roseanne (2018)
"I think we know who's a liar and who's on fire, Roseanne."
Roseanne (2018)
"Thank you for your service."
Roseanne (2018)
"I brought salad."
Roseanne (2018)
"Please protect his wife, Geena,"
Roseanne (2018)
"No, it's okay, Darlene."
Roseanne (2018)
"You're looking very fit."
Roseanne (2018)
"I'm 43..."
Roseanne (2018)
"is my skin age."
Roseanne (2018)
"She got married."
Roseanne (2018)
"You miss a lot of stuff"
Roseanne (2018)
"Of course you're gonna give me crap about this."
Roseanne (2018)
"And, by the way, I'm about to have a baby."
Roseanne (2018)
"I don't live here anymore."
Roseanne (2018)
"Y-You opened my mail?"
Roseanne (2018)
"would be severely compromised."
Roseanne (2018)
"Shut up. I'm not letting you eat that pie."
Roseanne (2018)
"♪ ♪"
Roseanne (2018)
"You just can't stand for anybody"
Roseanne (2018)
"who's always right about everything."
Roseanne (2018)
"[STAMMERING]"
Roseanne (2018)
"that you're some right-wing jackass."
Roseanne (2018)
"It is so great to finally meet you!"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, my God."
Roseanne (2018)
"for you to take home and review."
Roseanne (2018)
"They've all been meaning to try a pear."
Roseanne (2018)
"Dan!"
Roseanne (2018)
"♪ ♪"
Roseanne (2018)
"♪ ♪"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, come here. I got to fix your hair."
Roseanne (2018)
"Uh, yeah, I'm good."
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, she's dead to me."
Roseanne (2018)
"that I teach all my many, many clients."
Roseanne (2018)
"I better go talk to him."
Roseanne (2018)
"It's nothing but animals getting beat and drunk clowns."
Roseanne (2018)
"I think this would be a wonderful opportunity"
Roseanne (2018)
"'cause every time I had to clean the house,"
Roseanne (2018)
"Being away from you this past year"
Roseanne (2018)
"and described them instead."
Roseanne (2018)
"Okay. You know, what do you want me to say?"
Roseanne (2018)
"with a monthly delivery of fresh, organic pears?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Ooh, my favorite... Drugs!"
Roseanne (2018)
"[SCOFFS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"There's no waffles."
Roseanne (2018)
"Whoa, you didn't tell me you were going out."
Roseanne (2018)
"Tag me in."
Roseanne (2018)
"More bondage and a wizard school."
Roseanne (2018)
"You're killing your father."
Roseanne (2018)
"I thought you cared about our health."
Roseanne (2018)
"we've had as a family in a long time."
Roseanne (2018)
"First, let's say grace."
Roseanne (2018)
"I have an announcement."
Roseanne (2018)
"since your husband died."
Roseanne (2018)
"You just keep telling yourself that, Darlene."
Roseanne (2018)
"Don't be mean to your sister."
Roseanne (2018)
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