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Clips from Roseanne (2018) (S01E01)

"ROSEANNE: Dan?"
Roseanne (2018)
"What happened?"
Roseanne (2018)
"I was sleeping."
Roseanne (2018)
"[FEET STOMPING]"
Roseanne (2018)
"[GROANING] Oh, they're up."
Roseanne (2018)
"living in the house."
Roseanne (2018)
"- [SIGHS] - I got no privacy."
Roseanne (2018)
"I can't even make my Maxwell House naked,"
Roseanne (2018)
"like God intended."
Roseanne (2018)
"[CHUCKLES]"
Roseanne (2018)
"♪ ♪"
Roseanne (2018)
"[DOOR CLOSES]"
Roseanne (2018)
"Our insurance don't cover what it used to,"
Roseanne (2018)
"so I got half the drugs for twice the price."
Roseanne (2018)
"What are we supposed to do?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, tradesies."
Roseanne (2018)
"and I'll sweeten the pot"
Roseanne (2018)
"by throwing in a couple of blood pressures."
Roseanne (2018)
"Did you get the pain pills for my bad knee?"
Roseanne (2018)
"[AS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] Wouldn't be the Candyman"
Roseanne (2018)
"Uh, are you eating Peeps for breakfast?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Yup. Sweet as can be."
Roseanne (2018)
"I mean, not only did she vote for the worst person on Earth,"
Roseanne (2018)
"And you better give me some credit"
Roseanne (2018)
"in her obituary."
Roseanne (2018)
"Morning, son."
Roseanne (2018)
"He's "exploring.""
Roseanne (2018)
"May the winds fill his sails and carry him"
Roseanne (2018)
"blueberry waffles with real maple syrup."
Roseanne (2018)
"I didn't need the routine."
Roseanne (2018)
"I ain't seen that movie in 20 years."
Roseanne (2018)
"Come on, Darlene,"
Roseanne (2018)
"And it's surgin' 'cause I know you really need a ride."
Roseanne (2018)
"How dare you invite her here without asking me first."
Roseanne (2018)
"I want that for my kids. She was always fun."
Roseanne (2018)
"Look, she promised that she would get along, and knowing the both of you,"
Roseanne (2018)
"- pussyhat in hand. - [CHUCKLING] Oh!"
Roseanne (2018)
"I don't have time for this."
Roseanne (2018)
"JACKIE: Knee still giving you trouble, Roseanne?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Why don't you get that fixed with the new health care"
Roseanne (2018)
"It works good enough to kick your ass, snowflake."
Roseanne (2018)
"and clinging to your guns."
Roseanne (2018)
"Where you going?"
Roseanne (2018)
"and I can't remember where we hid our gun."
Roseanne (2018)
"I'd like knowing I had an option."
Roseanne (2018)
""Written by Roseanne Conner.""
Roseanne (2018)
"This would have sold like hot cakes"
Roseanne (2018)
"Still a good picture."
Roseanne (2018)
"Uh, here's some dressing for the table."
Roseanne (2018)
"- Spread these around. - I can't, my nails are wet."
Roseanne (2018)
"You hear that, honey?"
Roseanne (2018)
"My grandson's nails are wet."
Roseanne (2018)
"- Hey, Aunt Jackie! - Hey, oh-oh, Harris!"
Roseanne (2018)
"I got it at the hospital thrift store."
Roseanne (2018)
"They're dead people's clothes."
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, those people must've died from compliments."
Roseanne (2018)
"Or senator or doctor or captain of industry"
Roseanne (2018)
"because girls can be whatever they want to be."
Roseanne (2018)
"Good. I think it's cool."
Roseanne (2018)
"should grow up and be president,"
Roseanne (2018)
"Welcome back."
Roseanne (2018)
"but I can still taste the adrenaline."
Roseanne (2018)
"Um, how's the missus?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Dear Lord, thank you for this food"
Roseanne (2018)
"and all our troops still overseas."
Roseanne (2018)
"Please watch over our son, Jerry,"
Roseanne (2018)
"where apparently they don't get phone calls."
Roseanne (2018)
"thank you for making America great again!"
Roseanne (2018)
"Mom."
Roseanne (2018)
"to model the behavior"
Roseanne (2018)
"In situations like this, we don't name-call."
Roseanne (2018)
"was the good Roseanne."
Roseanne (2018)
"He talked about jobs, Jackie!"
Roseanne (2018)
"He said he'd shake things up!"
Roseanne (2018)
"You're pregnant?"
Roseanne (2018)
"No, I have to fill out some forms"
Roseanne (2018)
"and answer a bunch of questions first."
Roseanne (2018)
"Extra eggs?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Mom, if I do this, I can pay off my credit cards,"
Roseanne (2018)
"I can't do that working at the restaurant."
Roseanne (2018)
"[SNAPS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"[SNAPS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"for you to get back on your feet,"
Roseanne (2018)
"I'm here for you."
Roseanne (2018)
"Dan, it's her body, her decision."
Roseanne (2018)
"Right, Roseanne?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Jackie's right, Dan."
Roseanne (2018)
"It's... It's Becky's call."
Roseanne (2018)
"Thanks, Mom."
Roseanne (2018)
"[DOOR SLAMS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"Can you believe the way she put us both on the spot like that?"
Roseanne (2018)
"I'm not letting Becky do this, Roseanne."
Roseanne (2018)
"We're gonna love the baby,"
Roseanne (2018)
"we're gonna raise the baby to believe that anything is possible,"
Roseanne (2018)
"until such time said baby returns home to us to live..."
Roseanne (2018)
"is we can't tell her what to do"
Roseanne (2018)
"so she didn't finish high school?"
Roseanne (2018)
"So, aren't you gonna say anything about the baby?"
Roseanne (2018)
"At least I'm taking care of myself."
Roseanne (2018)
"That is why I came home."
Roseanne (2018)
"Your severance check got forwarded here."
Roseanne (2018)
"It looks like you're reading a magazine."
Roseanne (2018)
"[VOICE BREAKING] that I could hold over your head."
Roseanne (2018)
"That would've been sweet."
Roseanne (2018)
"[BOTH LAUGH]"
Roseanne (2018)
"Shhhh!"
Roseanne (2018)
"Becky's about to make a horrible mistake,"
Roseanne (2018)
"and you're talking about helping her out"
Roseanne (2018)
"and driving her to the doctor?"
Roseanne (2018)
"What has happened to you?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Right, and her body came out of my body,"
Roseanne (2018)
"and you get them to question"
Roseanne (2018)
"until they make some enormous mistake"
Roseanne (2018)
"of nuclear apocalypse!"
Roseanne (2018)
"So, I'm guessing"
Roseanne (2018)
"this isn't about Becky's eggs anymore."
Roseanne (2018)
"and how everything was rigged,"
Roseanne (2018)
"and I voted for Jill Stein!"
Roseanne (2018)
"You did such a good job of making me doubt myself"
Roseanne (2018)
"which helped get him elected."
Roseanne (2018)
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