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Clips from Roseanne (2018) (S01E01)

"proved to me that I make good decisions on my own."
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, I didn't mean it."
Roseanne (2018)
"I should have tried to understand"
Roseanne (2018)
"why you voted the crazy way that you did."
Roseanne (2018)
"And I should have understood that, you know,"
Roseanne (2018)
"'cause you're a good-hearted person"
Roseanne (2018)
"[CHUCKLING] Thank you. And..."
Roseanne (2018)
"[VOICE BREAKING] I'm sorry."
Roseanne (2018)
"[VOICE BREAKING] I know how hard that was for you."
Roseanne (2018)
"♪ ♪"
Roseanne (2018)
"And I can see why you picked me."
Roseanne (2018)
"I mean, look at us."
Roseanne (2018)
"We could be the same person."
Roseanne (2018)
"before I put my makeup on. [CHUCKLES]"
Roseanne (2018)
"It's standard stuff."
Roseanne (2018)
"so I should probably meet your family."
Roseanne (2018)
"You want to meet my family?"
Roseanne (2018)
"You know what would save time?"
Roseanne (2018)
"If I showed you pictures on my phone"
Roseanne (2018)
"That'd be perfect."
Roseanne (2018)
"♪ ♪"
Roseanne (2018)
"- Dan! - [MUTTERS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"What?"
Roseanne (2018)
"I thought you were dead."
Roseanne (2018)
"Why does everybody always think I'm dead?"
Roseanne (2018)
"You looked happy. I thought maybe you moved on."
Roseanne (2018)
"[SIGHS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"I know it's only been a week,"
Roseanne (2018)
"but I just can't get used to Darlene and her kids"
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, just 'cause they're up"
Roseanne (2018)
"you know, pleasuring me."
Roseanne (2018)
"I don't know if we got time for the full symphony of love,"
Roseanne (2018)
"but I'm sure we can knock off a few of the greatest hits."
Roseanne (2018)
"[INHALES DEEPLY]"
Roseanne (2018)
"[DAN AND ROSEANNE LAUGHING]"
Roseanne (2018)
""Roseanne" is taped in front of a live studio audience."
Roseanne (2018)
"- [PILLS RATTLING] - [AS SAMMY DAVIS JR.] Candyman's home, babe."
Roseanne (2018)
"[EXHALING] Ah!"
Roseanne (2018)
"What happened to the rest of our candy?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Ha-ha. Funny story."
Roseanne (2018)
"I'll trade you five of my statins..."
Roseanne (2018)
"for five of your anti-inflammatories,"
Roseanne (2018)
"[PILLS RATTLING]"
Roseanne (2018)
"without the sunshine, babe."
Roseanne (2018)
"Whoo! My babies."
Roseanne (2018)
"Did you get the anti-depressants?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Morning, lovebirds."
Roseanne (2018)
"What's it to ya?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Uh, I didn't quit my job and come home"
Roseanne (2018)
"Hey, I worked hard all my life,"
Roseanne (2018)
"and if I want to eat a marshmallow chicken"
Roseanne (2018)
"for my breakfast, I think it's my damn business."
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, like it or not, I'm here to take care of you,"
Roseanne (2018)
"and I can be as stubborn as you are."
Roseanne (2018)
"Did you remember to measure your blood sugar this morning?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Yeah, I guess that's why you passed out at Walmart last month."
Roseanne (2018)
"No. That was because their prices are so low."
Roseanne (2018)
"Dad, will you tell her how stupid she's being?"
Roseanne (2018)
"That's never worked out for me."
Roseanne (2018)
"And, you know, Mom, I know you and Aunt Jackie"
Roseanne (2018)
"are mad at each other,"
Roseanne (2018)
"You weren't here, Darlene. You didn't see it."
Roseanne (2018)
"but she was a real jerk about it, too."
Roseanne (2018)
"And now she's just ridiculous."
Roseanne (2018)
"Uh, she's ridiculous?"
Roseanne (2018)
"You made a shrine to her as if she's dead."
Roseanne (2018)
"Morning, Granny Rose."
Roseanne (2018)
"Morning, Mark."
Roseanne (2018)
"Morning, Grandpa."
Roseanne (2018)
"You got a little piece sticking up."
Roseanne (2018)
"Darlene says just ignore it."
Roseanne (2018)
"What you gonna have for breakfast, Mark?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Cereal, you say?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Don't get your hopes up."
Roseanne (2018)
"How come you're always smiling?"
Roseanne (2018)
"It's weird."
Roseanne (2018)
"- Hey. - Hey."
Roseanne (2018)
"Can I have some money?"
Roseanne (2018)
"[CHUCKLES]"
Roseanne (2018)
"I don't know. Mom, can I have some money?"
Roseanne (2018)
"I don't know. Can I have some money?"
Roseanne (2018)
"You could've just said we were poor."
Roseanne (2018)
"I'll be back for dinner."
Roseanne (2018)
"I need you to watch Mark. I've got a job interview today."
Roseanne (2018)
"Come on. I made plans with my one potential friend."
Roseanne (2018)
"You're babysittin'."
Roseanne (2018)
"You're ruining my life! You all suck!"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, the classics really do hold up."
Roseanne (2018)
"I'll give you a ride to your job interview."
Roseanne (2018)
"All's you got to do is open up your Uber app"
Roseanne (2018)
"and request me."
Roseanne (2018)
"You're not gonna like this,"
Roseanne (2018)
"but, uh, Aunt Jackie's picking me up."
Roseanne (2018)
"What?!"
Roseanne (2018)
"This is my house!"
Roseanne (2018)
"Well, and she's my aunt."
Roseanne (2018)
"- [DOORBELL RINGS] - You know, I mean,"
Roseanne (2018)
"she was an important part of my childhood."
Roseanne (2018)
"Everything's fun when you're a kid."
Roseanne (2018)
"You ever go to the circus as an adult?"
Roseanne (2018)
"I'm guessing you're the one keeping this feud alive."
Roseanne (2018)
"What's up, deplorable?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Okay, you guys have got to talk this out civilly."
Roseanne (2018)
"Mom, Aunt Jackie's standing right here,"
Roseanne (2018)
"all you suckers got promised?"
Roseanne (2018)
"There you go. All you people go straight to the violence."
Roseanne (2018)
"Every one of you wrapping yourselves up in the flag"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, that's such a stereotype."
Roseanne (2018)
"[GROANS]"
Roseanne (2018)
"I just realized... We got kids in the house"
Roseanne (2018)
"you thought it would be safe."
Roseanne (2018)
"Yeah, I was gonna put it in the cleaning closet"
Roseanne (2018)
"'cause I know nobody ever goes in there."
Roseanne (2018)
"No, I put it in the cleaning closet"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, trash that."
Roseanne (2018)
"the most interesting character."
Roseanne (2018)
"You know what really would've helped, though?"
Roseanne (2018)
"- Hey. - Hey."
Roseanne (2018)
"How was your job interview?"
Roseanne (2018)
"Oh, [SCOFFS], well, the pay was crap with no benefits,"
Roseanne (2018)
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