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Clips from Teenage Euthanasia - Teen Eggs and Scram (S01E01)

"[ Baby crying ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- ♪ I'm not as crazy as I used to be ♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ Some of my devils up and left me free ♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ To find a quiet space"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ I'm not as out of place"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ And I'm coming home again"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ It's been too long a time ♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ Gettin' back what's mine"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ And I can't remember why I went away ♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ But it's looking now like maybe I can stay ♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Was that any good?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Electronic tones warble ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I've been streaming some examples"
Teenage Euthanasia
"of how moms connect with their daughters."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Seems like we're supposed to binge-eat"
Teenage Euthanasia
"while talking about disappointment."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Mm? You go fir--"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Foreign accent ] Hey! Trophy!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Get to work, you spoiled potato couch!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"We funeral home, not cruise ship deck!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I am at work -- being a stay-at-home mom to Annie."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Hey! Motherhood curse, not job."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- We are working on our mother-daughter bond, Baba."
Teenage Euthanasia
"We can't just expect her to suddenly know"
Teenage Euthanasia
"how to make hot cocoa or listen when I talk."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- It'll free up a lot of my emotional bandwidth"
Teenage Euthanasia
"when my spray-tan membership expires next month."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Look! I give ultimatum my baba gave me --"
Teenage Euthanasia
"work for family funeral home,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"get job in village, or marry brother."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You picked funeral home, right?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I don't remember. My baba chose for me."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Hey, sis! You know I'm game for whatevs,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"but I picked "work for family funeral home.""
Teenage Euthanasia
"I was born with resting-grief-face,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I get to work with my mom,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and touching corpses doesn't bother me."
Teenage Euthanasia
"In fact, I prefer it!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'll get a job."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You're not remotely qualified for these positions."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Architect? Gastrointestinal surgeon?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Female Ghostbuster?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"You're a high school-dropout."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- With escort experience."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Under "employment history" you've just listed movies"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you've seen in the theater."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You saw "Homeward Bound" twice?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- The dogs and cats talk in it. [ Device chimes ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- The app requires a Florida thumbprint?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ugh."
Teenage Euthanasia
"There we are."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Device chirps ] [ Alarm wailing ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Screams ] Oh, no!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Instead of arresting me,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"what do you say I flash you for it, mm?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You have the right to remain clothed."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Any breasts you expose can and will be held against you"
Teenage Euthanasia
"in a court of law. - [ Sighs ] Ugh."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Your Honor, my client is now aware"
Teenage Euthanasia
"that mermaids aren't real -- ever."
Teenage Euthanasia
"In addition, he's prepared"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to completely abstain from energy drinks."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- A misunderstanding is what it was."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'll dismiss the charges, but you're not allowed"
Teenage Euthanasia
"within 1,000 feet of a manatee."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Unless, of course, it's over the age of consent."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Potential Felon 223."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Where's my lawyer? - Did you download the app?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- No? - Oh, you should have."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Trophy Fantasy, you have numerous outstanding warrants."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Petty theft, arson, lewd behavior in a buffet restaurant."
Teenage Euthanasia
"What say you in your defense?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I would like to present into evidence --"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You are hereby sentenced to community service"
Teenage Euthanasia
"mentoring teen runaways."
Teenage Euthanasia
"If you can scare them straight, I'll waive your charges."
Teenage Euthanasia
"If not, it's hard labor"
Teenage Euthanasia
"spell checking Dear Leader's social media. Next!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- But, your Hono-gram, I'm no good with children."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Plus I-I already am a stay-at-home mom."
Teenage Euthanasia
"My -- My daughter Annie is the teen who needs me."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Does your daughter have any exceptional needs?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- She's exceptionally needy! Or neglected?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Uh, I forget which is which is which is which."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Step forward. Due to budget cuts,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"we've replaced parole officers"
Teenage Euthanasia
"with uptight, underage tattletales."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It's a pilot program we're calling "Lil' PO.""
Teenage Euthanasia
"You a snitch? - My gym teacher who steals cigarettes"
Teenage Euthanasia
"from the sophomore she's having sex with says I am."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Sold. You are hereby deputized"
Teenage Euthanasia
"by the franchise-territory of Florida."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I'm releasing your mother into your recognizance."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Gavel bangs ] - Oh."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Both sobbing ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Mr. and Mrs. Cuddlefish, feel free to take"
Teenage Euthanasia
"as long as you need with your final good-byes."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I see here you've ordered Loki's cremains"
Teenage Euthanasia
"put inside the screen of an iPad?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- So we can keep playing "Worried Geese" together."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I won't let the quacks stop!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I don't know how we'll get through"
Teenage Euthanasia
"this first night without him."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It was always the three of us!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Sobbing ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Pete, have Lester and I told you how much"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you remind us of Loki?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You're practically his twin!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- If there is anything I can do,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you know our motto here at Tender Endings."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪ Have Your Grief Your Way"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Hmm. Could you possibly come to our house tonight?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Of course."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I believe your Super Deluxe Package"
Teenage Euthanasia
"actually includes one in-home grief counseling session."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- The file said the runaways are a three-person gang"
Teenage Euthanasia
"called the Killmore Girls."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Good luck scaring them."
Teenage Euthanasia
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